Latest news with #Hily
Yahoo
5 days ago
- Politics
- Yahoo
"I Feel Like I Was Catfished": Women Are Raising The Alarm On This 1 "Outrageous" Word Men Are Using On Dating Apps
Back in January, the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative public policy think tank, released a survey that determined 52% of single heterosexual women are less likely to date a Donald Trump supporter — with only 36% of single heterosexual men saying voting for Trump would be a dealbreaker. And in the lead-up to Inauguration Day, Hily, a dating app with over 35 million worldwide users, released its own politics and dating study. After surveying 5,000 Gen Z and millennial Americans, Hily determined that 1 in 3 American women would decline a date over political differences. Similar to the AEI survey, Hily's study determined that only 1 in 10 American men would decline a date for the same reason. These results could very well explain the suspicious trend of heterosexual men misrepresenting their political leanings on dating apps: Specifically, they put 'moderate' on their profiles or act vague about their politics to increase their chances of matching with women who deliberately put 'no conservatives' in their own profiles. These so-called 'moderates' connect with liberal women, only for them to discover that their matches voted for Donald Trump in the last election (a dealbreaker for many). So why are people lying about their politics on dating apps in the first place? And how can daters spot the red flags behind these vague profiles before everyone's emotions take over? Here's what relationship experts have to say about this very 2025 dating problem. How 'Moderate' Became A Red Flag Ella,* a Los Angeles resident, said she's had nothing but frustration with 'moderates' on the apps. As she told HuffPost, Ella noticed that her 'large number of matches' with guys listed as 'moderate' on their Hinge dating profiles has grown significantly in recent months. But she now swipes left on all 'moderates': This is because more than once, after 'days and days of texting,' it turns out that these guys are 'really far-right, anti-feminist, etc,' she said. Ella's theory is that conservative men might need to lie about their political views – or else they won't get any dates in a liberal city like LA. Amanda*, creator of the 'Dating Is Dead' Instagram account, recently ended a two-year relationship with a man who also listed 'moderate' on his profile. 'I think that he was conservative more than moderate,' she said. 'I feel like I was catfished in that sense.' She said her now-ex-boyfriend began to show his true colors during the first 100 days of the second Trump administration: 'He was becoming more and more indoctrinated to the hard right.' Now, Amanda is questioning whether her ex's far-right attitude was there all along and she was 'just so blinded by love' — or if 'he was hiding who he was.' Since ending that relationship, Amanda said she is far more cautious around men who put 'moderate' in their dating profiles: 'I try and bring it up more gently than I did in the beginning,' she said, 'because there's a lot of dancing around who we voted for, so now I ask immediately.' This approach may result in some abbreviated dates, but it could also mean dodging a major bullet before you've even finished drinks: 'I actually went on a date the other night that lasted seven minutes,' Amanda said. Her date, after admitting that he voted for Donald Trump, brushed off her concerns about the president's second administration, claiming that 'nothing in America is really going to change,' which was all Amanda needed to know about this guy's values. Bolster Your Dating Boundaries From the chipping away of reproductive freedom to the U.S. government's pronatalist campaign, women's rights are under attack in 2025. So discovering that the 'moderate' guy you've matched with might actually be looking for a tradwife can be unsettling, to say the least. 'For a lot of women — especially women of color, queer women, women with trauma histories — conservative beliefs don't just feel like a difference of opinion,' said Cheryl Groskopf, an LA-based anxiety, trauma and attachment therapist. 'They feel like a threat. And if you've ever been dismissed, gaslit or harmed by someone who hides behind 'traditional values,' then this kind of dishonesty can feel like a violation (because it is).' 'It's also just draining to constantly have to explain yourself,' continued Groskopf. 'Think of the energy it takes to spend the first 30 minutes of a first date defending your humanity.' Amanda knows this sentiment well. She recounted how the seven-minute-date guy disregarded her concerns about women's bodily autonomy by pointing out that she lives in a blue state like New York. 'I was like, but it's not about me,' she said. 'It's about the girl in Mississippi or Texas who was, God forbid, sexually assaulted at 13 or who needs a D&C. [Men] have the same rights across all 50 states, and I don't. It is not really up for discussion. A gun has more rights than I do.' Bottom line? 'Women need these boundaries to protect their energy, their bodies and their sense of safety,' Groskopf said. 'They can absolutely name up-front what they need to feel safe.' Why Are Men Misrepresenting Themselves On The Apps? The numbers don't lie: If 52% of single women are less likely to date a Trump supporter, then it makes sense that some of those Trump supporters are attempting to game the system. 'It may be because they are trying to appeal to a broader range of women, and want to select answers that they perceive will get them past the initial screening,' observes Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a relationship expert with Hily. (Cohen also provided the data from Hily's pre-Inauguration Day survey.) 'They also may perceive that they are being inaccurately judged as a result of their political views, so they are trying to present themselves in a way that they think will allow them to match with more people,' she added. But these political mismatches sometimes occur simply because some people 'may judge their own views inaccurately,' Cohen said. 'They may think they are progressive compared to other people they are associated with, but don't necessarily hold progressive views.' Groskopf also points to a 'real-time cultural shift': Women are now asking questions like, 'Does this person feel emotionally safe to me?' Amanda echoes that, reiterating her need to know a man's political beliefs before getting involved. 'I would not feel safe in a room with a bunch of conservative men at this point,' she told HuffPost. While Groskopf doesn't believe all men are 'trying to maliciously deceive' their potential dates, she also observes that they're not all being honest and authentic, either. 'Many of them have just never had to think about how their political beliefs affect someone else's sense of emotional or physical safety,' Groskopf said. 'They weren't taught to connect their values to safety, or to see 'moderate' as vague instead of neutral. But what he's missing is that for a lot of women, that kind of vagueness is the red flag.' Trust Yourself — And Your Values If a person's political views are a dealbreaker for you, then it's imperative to tackle vague, 'moderate' profiles with a clear strategy: That starts with establishing your values, Cohen said. 'Additionally, going beyond surface-level questions to get to know a person and their worldview is important.' That being said, Cohen advises skepticism if a potential date 'consistently fails to expand on their own views.' For the sake of your emotional safety, Groskopf recommends asking simple questions like: 'What does 'moderate' mean to you?' 'How do your values show up in your day-to-day?' 'Where do you land on things that matter to me — like therapy, mental health, women's rights?' 'The way he responds will tell you a lot,' Groskopf said. 'Does he get curious? Defensive? Does he minimize your question? Does he give a clear answer or just talk in circles and try to sound chill? If he can't meet that moment with honesty, clarity, or even basic self-awareness — that is the red flag.' Groskopf also cautions against continued obscurity: 'If he says things like 'I'm pretty middle of the road' or 'I just don't like extremes' — but can't tell you what he does believe or values,' then that's a red flag too. Watch out for defensiveness or mockery as well: 'If he gets weird or low-key annoyed when you ask a totally normal question about values — or makes fun of people who care about things like social issues or emotional growth — that's your sign,' Groskopf said. 'A guy who's actually grounded doesn't get defensive over basic emotional curiosity.' Women deserve to know if someone they're dating voted against their interests from the get-go. If a guy you match with says 'moderate' on his profile, you are entitled to know his definition of the word before your emotions potentially take over. 'For you to tell me that you're a moderate, but it's OK to have unmarked police cars and people without badges sweeping people up in the streets? That's outrageous,' Amanda said of dubious 'moderate' men. 'Your non-negotiables are your non-negotiables,' Cohen said. 'If learning about a person's political leanings matters to you, ask!' *Names of those who shared their personal stories have been changed throughout this piece to preserve article originally appeared on HuffPost.
Buzz Feed
5 days ago
- Politics
- Buzz Feed
Experts Say Conservative Men Are Identifying As Moderates On Dating Apps
Hot Topic 🔥 Full coverage and conversation on Politics Back in January, the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative public policy think tank, released a survey that determined 52% of single heterosexual women are less likely to date a Donald Trump supporter — with only 36% of single heterosexual men saying voting for Trump would be a dealbreaker. And in the lead-up to Inauguration Day, Hily, a dating app with over 35 million worldwide users, released its own politics and dating study. After surveying 5,000 Gen Z and millennial Americans, Hily determined that 1 in 3 American women would decline a date over political differences. Similar to the AEI survey, Hily's study determined that only 1 in 10 American men would decline a date for the same reason. These results could very well explain the suspicious trend of heterosexual men misrepresenting their political leanings on dating apps: Specifically, they put 'moderate' on their profiles or act vague about their politics to increase their chances of matching with women who deliberately put 'no conservatives' in their own profiles. These so-called 'moderates' connect with liberal women, only for them to discover that their matches voted for Donald Trump in the last election (a dealbreaker for many). So why are people lying about their politics on dating apps in the first place? And how can daters spot the red flags behind these vague profiles before everyone's emotions take over? Here's what relationship experts have to say about this very 2025 dating problem. How 'Moderate' Became A Red Flag Ella,* a Los Angeles resident, said she's had nothing but frustration with 'moderates' on the apps. As she told HuffPost, Ella noticed that her 'large number of matches' with guys listed as 'moderate' on their Hinge dating profiles has grown significantly in recent months. But she now swipes left on all 'moderates': This is because more than once, after 'days and days of texting,' it turns out that these guys are 'really far-right, anti-feminist, etc,' she said. Ella's theory is that conservative men might need to lie about their political views – or else they won't get any dates in a liberal city like LA. Amanda*, creator of the ' Dating Is Dead ' Instagram account, recently ended a two-year relationship with a man who also listed 'moderate' on his profile. 'I think that he was conservative more than moderate,' she said. 'I feel like I was catfished in that sense.' She said her now-ex-boyfriend began to show his true colors during the first 100 days of the second Trump administration: 'He was becoming more and more indoctrinated to the hard right.' Now, Amanda is questioning whether her ex's far-right attitude was there all along and she was 'just so blinded by love' — or if 'he was hiding who he was.' Since ending that relationship, Amanda said she is far more cautious around men who put 'moderate' in their dating profiles: 'I try and bring it up more gently than I did in the beginning,' she said, 'because there's a lot of dancing around who we voted for, so now I ask immediately.' This approach may result in some abbreviated dates, but it could also mean dodging a major bullet before you've even finished drinks: 'I actually went on a date the other night that lasted seven minutes,' Amanda said. Her date, after admitting that he voted for Donald Trump, brushed off her concerns about the president's second administration, claiming that 'nothing in America is really going to change,' which was all Amanda needed to know about this guy's values. Bolster Your Dating Boundaries From the chipping away of reproductive freedom to the U.S. government's pronatalist campaign, women's rights are under attack in 2025. So discovering that the 'moderate' guy you've matched with might actually be looking for a tradwife can be unsettling, to say the least. 'For a lot of women — especially women of color, queer women, women with trauma histories — conservative beliefs don't just feel like a difference of opinion,' said Cheryl Groskopf, an LA-based anxiety, trauma and attachment therapist. 'They feel like a threat. And if you've ever been dismissed, gaslit or harmed by someone who hides behind 'traditional values,' then this kind of dishonesty can feel like a violation (because it is).' 'It's also just draining to constantly have to explain yourself,' continued Groskopf. 'Think of the energy it takes to spend the first 30 minutes of a first date defending your humanity.' Amanda knows this sentiment well. She recounted how the seven-minute-date guy disregarded her concerns about women's bodily autonomy by pointing out that she lives in a blue state like New York. 'I was like, but it's not about me,' she said. 'It's about the girl in Mississippi or Texas who was, God forbid, sexually assaulted at 13 or who needs a D&C. [Men] have the same rights across all 50 states, and I don't. It is not really up for discussion. A gun has more rights than I do.' Bottom line? 'Women need these boundaries to protect their energy, their bodies and their sense of safety,' Groskopf said. 'They can absolutely name up-front what they need to feel safe.' Why Are Men Misrepresenting Themselves On The Apps? The numbers don't lie: If 52% of single women are less likely to date a Trump supporter, then it makes sense that some of those Trump supporters are attempting to game the system. 'It may be because they are trying to appeal to a broader range of women, and want to select answers that they perceive will get them past the initial screening,' observes Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a relationship expert with Hily. (Cohen also provided the data from Hily's pre-Inauguration Day survey.) 'They also may perceive that they are being inaccurately judged as a result of their political views, so they are trying to present themselves in a way that they think will allow them to match with more people,' she added. But these political mismatches sometimes occur simply because some people 'may judge their own views inaccurately,' Cohen said. 'They may think they are progressive compared to other people they are associated with, but don't necessarily hold progressive views.' Groskopf also points to a 'real-time cultural shift': Women are now asking questions like, 'Does this person feel emotionally safe to me?' Amanda echoes that, reiterating her need to know a man's political beliefs before getting involved. 'I would not feel safe in a room with a bunch of conservative men at this point,' she told HuffPost. While Groskopf doesn't believe all men are 'trying to maliciously deceive' their potential dates, she also observes that they're not all being honest and authentic, either. 'Many of them have just never had to think about how their political beliefs affect someone else's sense of emotional or physical safety,' Groskopf said. 'They weren't taught to connect their values to safety, or to see 'moderate' as vague instead of neutral. But what he's missing is that for a lot of women, that kind of vagueness is the red flag.' Trust Yourself — And Your Values If a person's political views are a dealbreaker for you, then it's imperative to tackle vague, 'moderate' profiles with a clear strategy: That starts with establishing your values, Cohen said. 'Additionally, going beyond surface-level questions to get to know a person and their worldview is important.' That being said, Cohen advises skepticism if a potential date 'consistently fails to expand on their own views.' For the sake of your emotional safety, Groskopf recommends asking simple questions like: 'What does 'moderate' mean to you?' 'How do your values show up in your day-to-day?' 'Where do you land on things that matter to me — like therapy, mental health, women's rights?' 'The way he responds will tell you a lot,' Groskopf said. 'Does he get curious? Defensive? Does he minimize your question? Does he give a clear answer or just talk in circles and try to sound chill? If he can't meet that moment with honesty, clarity, or even basic self-awareness — that is the red flag.' Groskopf also cautions against continued obscurity: 'If he says things like 'I'm pretty middle of the road' or 'I just don't like extremes' — but can't tell you what he does believe or values,' then that's a red flag too. Watch out for defensiveness or mockery as well: 'If he gets weird or low-key annoyed when you ask a totally normal question about values — or makes fun of people who care about things like social issues or emotional growth — that's your sign,' Groskopf said. 'A guy who's actually grounded doesn't get defensive over basic emotional curiosity.' Women deserve to know if someone they're dating voted against their interests from the get-go. If a guy you match with says 'moderate' on his profile, you are entitled to know his definition of the word before your emotions potentially take over. 'For you to tell me that you're a moderate, but it's OK to have unmarked police cars and people without badges sweeping people up in the streets? That's outrageous,' Amanda said of dubious 'moderate' men. 'Your non-negotiables are your non-negotiables,' Cohen said. 'If learning about a person's political leanings matters to you, ask!'
Yahoo
6 days ago
- Politics
- Yahoo
If You See This Word On A Man's Dating Profile... Run
Back in January, the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative public policy think tank, released a survey that determined 52% of single heterosexual women are less likely to date a Donald Trump supporter — with only 36% of single heterosexual men saying voting for Trump would be a dealbreaker. And in the lead-up to Inauguration Day, Hily, a dating app with over 35 million worldwide users, released its own politics and dating study. After surveying 5,000 Gen Z and millennial Americans, Hily determined that 1 in 3 American women would decline a date over political differences. Similar to the AEI survey, Hily's study determined that only 1 in 10 American men would decline a date for the same reason. These results could very well explain the suspicious trend of heterosexual men misrepresenting their political leanings on dating apps: Specifically, they put 'moderate' on their profiles or act vague about their politics to increase their chances of matching with women who deliberately put 'no conservatives' in their own profiles. These so-called 'moderates' connect with liberal women, only for them to discover that their matches voted for Donald Trump in the last election (a dealbreaker for many). So why are people lying about their politics on dating apps in the first place? And how can daters spot the red flags behind these vague profiles before everyone's emotions take over? Here's what relationship experts have to say about this very 2025 dating problem. Ella,* a Los Angeles resident, said she's had nothing but frustration with 'moderates' on the apps. As she told HuffPost, Ella noticed that her 'large number of matches' with guys listed as 'moderate' on their Hinge dating profiles has grown significantly in recent months. But she now swipes left on all 'moderates': This is because more than once, after 'days and days of texting,' it turns out that these guys are 'really far-right, anti-feminist, etc,' she said. Ella's theory is that conservative men might need to lie about their political views – or else they won't get any dates in a liberal city like LA. Amanda*, creator of the 'Dating Is Dead' Instagram account, recently ended a two-year relationship with a man who also listed 'moderate' on his profile. 'I think that he was conservative more than moderate,' she said. 'I feel like I was catfished in that sense.' She said her now-ex-boyfriend began to show his true colors during the first 100 days of the second Trump administration: 'He was becoming more and more indoctrinated to the hard right.' Now, Amanda is questioning whether her ex's far-right attitude was there all along and she was 'just so blinded by love' — or if 'he was hiding who he was.' Since ending that relationship, Amanda said she is far more cautious around men who put 'moderate' in their dating profiles: 'I try and bring it up more gently than I did in the beginning,' she said, 'because there's a lot of dancing around who we voted for, so now I ask immediately.' This approach may result in some abbreviated dates, but it could also mean dodging a major bullet before you've even finished drinks: 'I actually went on a date the other night that lasted seven minutes,' Amanda said. Her date, after admitting that he voted for Donald Trump, brushed off her concerns about the president's second administration, claiming that 'nothing in America is really going to change,' which was all Amanda needed to know about this guy's values. From the chipping away of reproductive freedom to the U.S. government's pronatalist campaign, women's rights are under attack in 2025. So discovering that the 'moderate' guy you've matched with might actually be looking for a tradwife can be unsettling, to say the least. 'For a lot of women — especially women of color, queer women, women with trauma histories — conservative beliefs don't just feel like a difference of opinion,' said Cheryl Groskopf, an LA-based anxiety, trauma and attachment therapist. 'They feel like a threat. And if you've ever been dismissed, gaslit or harmed by someone who hides behind 'traditional values,' then this kind of dishonesty can feel like a violation (because it is).' 'It's also just draining to constantly have to explain yourself,' continued Groskopf. 'Think of the energy it takes to spend the first 30 minutes of a first date defending your humanity.' Amanda knows this sentiment well. She recounted how the seven-minute-date guy disregarded her concerns about women's bodily autonomy by pointing out that she lives in a blue state like New York. 'I was like, but it's not about me,' she said. 'It's about the girl in Mississippi or Texas who was, God forbid, sexually assaulted at 13 or who needs a D&C. [Men] have the same rights across all 50 states, and I don't. It is not really up for discussion. A gun has more rights than I do.' Bottom line? 'Women need these boundaries to protect their energy, their bodies and their sense of safety,' Groskopf said. 'They canabsolutely name up-front what they need to feel safe.' The numbers don't lie: If 52% of single women are less likely to date a Trump supporter, then it makes sense that some of those Trump supporters are attempting to game the system. 'It may be because they are trying to appeal to a broader range of women, and want to select answers that they perceive will get them past the initial screening,' observes Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a relationship expert with Hily. (Cohen also provided the data from Hily's pre-Inauguration Day survey.) 'They also may perceive that they are being inaccurately judged as a result of their political views, so they are trying to present themselves in a way that they think will allow them to match with more people,' she added. But these political mismatches sometimes occur simply because some people 'may judge their own views inaccurately,' Cohen said. 'They may think they are progressive compared to other people they are associated with, but don't necessarily hold progressive views.' Groskopf also points to a 'real-time cultural shift': Women are now asking questions like, 'Does this person feel emotionally safe to me?' Amanda echoes that, reiterating her need to know a man's political beliefs before getting involved. 'I would not feel safe in a room with a bunch of conservative men at this point,' she told HuffPost. While Groskopf doesn't believe all men are 'trying to maliciously deceive' their potential dates, she also observes that they're not all being honest and authentic, either. 'Many of them have just never had to think about how their political beliefs affect someone else's sense of emotional or physical safety,' Groskopf said. 'They weren't taught to connect their values to safety, or to see 'moderate' as vague instead of neutral. But what he's missing is that for a lot of women, that kind of vagueness is the red flag.' If a person's political views are a dealbreaker for you, then it's imperative to tackle vague, 'moderate' profiles with a clear strategy: That starts with establishing your values, Cohen said. 'Additionally, going beyond surface-level questions to get to know a person and their worldview is important.' That being said, Cohen advises skepticism if a potential date 'consistently fails to expand on their own views.' For the sake of your emotional safety, Groskopf recommends asking simple questions like: 'What does 'moderate' mean to you?' 'How do your values show up in your day-to-day?' 'Where do you land on things that matter to me — like therapy, mental health, women's rights?' 'The way he responds will tell you a lot,' Groskopf said. 'Does he get curious? Defensive? Does he minimize your question? Does he give a clear answer or just talk in circles and try to sound chill? If he can't meet that moment with honesty, clarity, or even basic self-awareness — that is the red flag.' Groskopf also cautions against continued obscurity: 'If he says things like 'I'm pretty middle of the road' or 'I just don't like extremes' — but can't tell you what he does believe or values,' then that's a red flag too. Watch out for defensiveness or mockery as well: 'If he gets weird or low-key annoyed when you ask a totally normal question about values — or makes fun of people who care about things like social issues or emotional growth — that's your sign,' Groskopf said. 'A guy who's actually grounded doesn't get defensive over basic emotional curiosity.' Women deserve to know if someone they're dating voted against their interests from the get-go. If a guy you match with says 'moderate' on his profile, you are entitled to know his definition of the word before your emotions potentially take over. 'For you to tell me that you're a moderate, but it's OK to have unmarked police cars and people without badges sweeping people up in the streets? That's outrageous,' Amanda said of dubious 'moderate' men. 'Your non-negotiables are your non-negotiables,' Cohen said. 'If learning about a person's political leanings matters to you, ask!' *Names of those who shared their personal stories have been changed throughout this piece to preserve anonymity. You Can Blame Trump For This Chaotic Dating Trend Every Man On Dating Apps Is Suddenly Adding These 2 Words To Their Profile — And It Might Not Be A Good Thing The 6 Online Dating Issues People Complain About Most In Therapy
Newsweek
02-07-2025
- General
- Newsweek
Scientists Reveal Texting Trick for Stronger Relationship
Based on facts, either observed and verified firsthand by the reporter, or reported and verified from knowledgeable sources. Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content. If you want a simply way to boost your relationship on a day-to-day basis, try peppering your texts with emoji. This is the surprising recommendation of a new study by researchers from the University of Texas at Austin, which found that text messages containing emojis are perceived as more emotionally responsive than those using words alone. That sense of responsiveness, the study found, significantly boosts feelings of closeness and satisfaction in romantic relationships. From left: Examples of text messages with emojis; and a woman smiling at her smartphone while outdoors. From left: Examples of text messages with emojis; and a woman smiling at her smartphone while outdoors. Getty Images / Eun Huh / PLOS One In an era dominated by digital communication, where tone and facial cues are often lost, this study points to emojis as essential stand-ins for human expression. It is not just that people enjoy the playful icons—it is that they interpret them as signs of emotional attunement, often signaling inside jokes or other shows of intimacy. In the study, researchers recruited 260 participants between the ages of 23 and 67 who read through 15 simulated text conversations. In each, they imagined themselves as the sender, evaluating their "partner's" replies. Some replies included emojis, while others did not. Across the board, participants found emoji-enhanced replies more emotionally responsive. That perceived responsiveness predicted stronger feelings of intimacy and satisfaction with their imagined partner. Texting, now the dominant form of communication for many couples, lacks the immediate feedback of face-to-face conversations. Emojis can, according to the results, help bridge that gap by injecting tone and emotion into otherwise flat text. This expressive function may help explain why participants rated emoji-enhanced responses so positively. Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, a marriage and family therapist and relationship expert with the dating app Hily, told Newsweek that this emotional context is key. "Emojis are often used to convey or deepen emotions when it comes to texts," Cohen said. "Texts often do not benefit from tone or nonverbals in the way that face-to-face interaction does, so emojis can help add character to the message. "This can help clarify intent when communicating." Importantly, the type of emoji used—whether a face or a non-face icon—did not significantly alter participants' perceptions. This suggests that it is the act of using emojis at all, rather than the specific symbol, that communicates emotional attentiveness. Cohen noted that as couples grow closer, even their emoji habits can become synchronized. "As people grow closer together, not only may their verbal expressions and intonations start to mirror one another, but so may their emoji use and texting behavior," she said. "They may also start to assign emojis specific meanings that only they know, creating a secret language. "This private language not only keeps them on the same page but can strengthen their couple identity." That digital rapport, Cohen said, can also deepen emotional intimacy over time. Still, emoji-based communication is not foolproof. Interpretation also varies by age and culture. "It is important to check that you put the same meaning into one emoji as different generations pick different emojis to express their emotions," Cohen said. Do you have a tip on a science story that Newsweek should be covering? Do you have a question about relationships? Let us know via science@ Reference Huh, E. (2025). The impact of emojis on perceived responsiveness and relationship satisfaction in text messaging. PLOS One.
Toronto Sun
22-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- Toronto Sun
SEX FILES: Perfection is out. So why are we still faking it?
A new survey from the dating app Hily suggests that men also feel pressured to be perfect. Photo by Bongkarn Thanyakij / iStock / Getty Images Reviews and recommendations are unbiased and products are independently selected. Postmedia may earn an affiliate commission from purchases made through links on this page. When I started dating again after my first big breakup, I thought the key to finding love was being as palatable as possible. I devoured online dating advice, carefully curated my profile photos, and enlisted friends to help craft the perfect bio. Desperate to be liked, I said yes to things I usually considered a 'hell no.' I agreed to early morning hikes and even went on a 5K 'running date,' all in the name of being accommodating. This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below. THIS CONTENT IS RESERVED FOR SUBSCRIBERS ONLY Subscribe now to read the latest news in your city and across Canada. Unlimited online access to articles from across Canada with one account. Get exclusive access to the Toronto Sun ePaper, an electronic replica of the print edition that you can share, download and comment on. Enjoy insights and behind-the-scenes analysis from our award-winning journalists. Support local journalists and the next generation of journalists. Daily puzzles including the New York Times Crossword. SUBSCRIBE TO UNLOCK MORE ARTICLES Subscribe now to read the latest news in your city and across Canada. Unlimited online access to articles from across Canada with one account. Get exclusive access to the Toronto Sun ePaper, an electronic replica of the print edition that you can share, download and comment on. Enjoy insights and behind-the-scenes analysis from our award-winning journalists. Support local journalists and the next generation of journalists. Daily puzzles including the New York Times Crossword. REGISTER / SIGN IN TO UNLOCK MORE ARTICLES Create an account or sign in to continue with your reading experience. Access articles from across Canada with one account. Share your thoughts and join the conversation in the comments. Enjoy additional articles per month. Get email updates from your favourite authors. THIS ARTICLE IS FREE TO READ REGISTER TO UNLOCK. Create an account or sign in to continue with your reading experience. Access articles from across Canada with one account Share your thoughts and join the conversation in the comments Enjoy additional articles per month Get email updates from your favourite authors Don't have an account? Create Account Eventually, something clicked: I wasn't looking for love — I was trying to be the 'cool girl.' Instead of showing up as myself, I was twisting and shrinking into someone I thought others wanted me to be. For a long time, I assumed this was a uniquely female experience. But I've since learned that people-pleasing and dating perfectionism don't discriminate. A new survey from the dating app Hily suggests that men also feel pressured to be perfect. Hily surveyed 3,000 people and found that 62% of young men say online dating has left them feeling 'not perfect enough.' However, here's the rub — no one wants perfection. The data supports this. An overwhelming 90% of people surveyed agree that everyone's 'perfect match' is different. Moreover, 71% of women and 86% of men are more than OK with quirks and imperfections. Most importantly, 89% of daters say dating is only enjoyable when people are authentically themselves. So, why are we still struggling with this? Your noon-hour look at what's happening in Toronto and beyond. By signing up you consent to receive the above newsletter from Postmedia Network Inc. Please try again This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below. Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, resident relationship expert at Hily, says the answer is complicated. 'Many people fear showing up authentically, because it can put them in a vulnerable position,' she shares. However, social media also plays a role. 'Many people present versions of themselves online (in pictures and in bios) that they perceive will attract others. They are looking for admiration of a projected image and not necessarily connection,' says Cohen. Unfortunately, as technology evolves — especially with the advent of AI — we will see more of this. If you can use AI to create and touch up your photos while writing your profile, Cohen says, 'This leads to the belief that perfection is necessary to attract others when in real life, authenticity is valued the most.' This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below. Engaging in performative behaviours — like pretending to agree just to be liked — can profoundly impact long-term compatibility. However, ceasing these behaviours is easier said than done. Cohen explains, 'If certain behaviours, such as agreeing with a person or pretending to have the same interests, lead to increased closeness between people, those behaviours get reinforced.' She says this can lead to attracting the wrong person, for example, someone who loves to go camping every weekend, because you were afraid to admit you prefer five-star hotels. While this may not seem like a big deal, it can corrode emotional safety and trust in the relationship. 'The relationship is then built on a lie, and it puts a person in the position of needing to continue to pretend they are something they are not. This person will feel unseen, but that's largely because they aren't letting the true and authentic version of themselves shine through.' Cohen adds, 'This misalignment can grow over time and lead to resentment.' (Like when you're stuck in the woods for the third weekend when you'd rather be at the spa.) This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below. If you're curious what this behaviour looks like in the wild, Cohen says, 'This can manifest as them always asking the other person's opinions or preferences or asking them to make decisions (such as what to eat or where to go on dates) without them offering their own views.' She adds, 'If a person is hesitant to assert themselves, whether in their actions or in sharing their thoughts, they may be people pleasing.' If you find yourself doing the above, Cohen says it's essential to do the inner work to figure out your true desires and needs and how to express them confidently — working with a licensed therapist can help. In the early phases of dating, Cohen encourages people to share their preferences, opinions, viewpoints, and beliefs instead of deferring to the other person. 'These need not be deep, earth-shattering revelations, but they enable you to share who you are and clarify your point of view.' For example, 'I don't enjoy camping and hiking.' Consistently sharing your truths in this way gradually builds trust, which ultimately allows the other person to get to know the real you. Read More Sports Sunshine Girls Toronto & GTA Editorial Cartoons World
