I bought my mother-in-law a condo — and she took out a $30,000 car loan. Now she refuses to get a roommate.

Yahoo

4 hours ago

I have a complicated money issue. About 3 years ago, my mother-in-law was widowed and she subsequently was evicted from her rental home that she could no longer afford. Even though her late husband made a six-figure income for 30 years, they had no savings and routinely filed for bankruptcy (every 7 years) due to her being irresponsible with credit.
To save her from being homeless after the eviction, my husband and I let my mother-in-law move in with us for 6 months, but it quickly became an untenable situation as my husband and his mother do not get along. So we purchased a condo in a high-cost-of-living area and have been allowing her to live in it rent-free since 2022.
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We've previously asked her to contribute $500 a month to cover the HOA, but she always comes up with excuses as to why she can't pay. We've suggested that she get a roommate so she's not out any money. Again, more excuses and she refuses to change. Our total payment for the condo is $2,800 a month.
While we can technically afford it, I am resentful that she doesn't pay her fair share. She has received a small inheritance, an annuity and also receives Social Security so she's not penniless. We are a double-income household, but I really want to quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom as I have 3 young kids. If I do that, we can't afford to pay for the condo.
Please help me with some advice on this seemingly impossible situation. I don't want to make my mother-in-law homeless, but I don't want to light myself on fire to keep someone else warm either as she refuses to contribute towards the roof over her head. Also, she recently filed for bankruptcy again and promptly 'bought' a $30,000 used car on 25% interest.
Please help. I am at my wits end and I think about this daily.
Wife & Daughter-in-Law
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It's time for her to meet you halfway.
There's a world of options in between a $2,800 condo and homelessness, but the only way you are going to open that world up for your mother-in-law is to start toughening up and making it clear that the former option is no longer available. You have young children, and a retirement to plan for and while this condo will increase in value, you need to start reining in your expenses.
If your mother-in-law can afford to buy a $30,000 car, she can afford to show more financial independence. My first question is how did she get a loan for $30,000 in the first place, if she has declared bankruptcy and does not have a job? Even with her annuity and Social Security, there is something fishy going on here, and she is either lying to the bank or lying to you.
It's time for a reality check: no more free housing. Perhaps if you present the alternative options, she will be more agreeable to stay, but give her a timeframe to make up her mind. The AARP Foundation has a local assistance directory for local programs, the eldercare locator to connect with local services, livable communities and senior-living house.
You could also open a joint checking account for your mother-in-law to automatically deposit $500 every month after she receives her Social Security, and you could pay the HOA from that account. Alternatively, she could set up a standing order to pay you. That might nudge her towards more accountability, although her spendthrift habits will be difficult to break.
As I told this woman, who was frustrated with a friend who couldn't hold down a job and went on vacation using her credit card, the desire to spend money and escape 'reality' could be related to an underlying depressive disorder or anxiety. Your mother-in-law may have mental-health problems that go deeper than her unwillingness or inability to pay her way.
That said, if she sold the car and lived near public transportation, she would have enough money to put a deposit on a rental. It's time to get tough. She is not calling the shots, if you are paying the bills: It's a roommate or eviction. The backdrop is grim for senior living, and your mother-in-law needs to know she has a family that is prepared to support her, within reason.
Senior living is, experts say, experiencing a shortage. 'At the current rate of development, the U.S. will add only 191,000 units by 2030,' says NIC MAP, a data service. 'We need 560,000 new units to keep up with demand. This leaves a gap of nearly 370,000 units, which is a shortfall that could leave thousands of seniors without access to quality senior housing.'
Last year, the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) announced $115 million in grant funding to support the development and improvement of rental housing for low-income seniors. This is a national problem as an increasing number of people over 50 don't believe they'll be able to remain in their home into retirement. You can read more here.
Lay out the options for her and make clear the status quo is untenable.
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