Why Deborra-Lee Furness' ‘insightful' statement could also be a big mistake

News.com.au

a day ago

After almost two years of dignified silence, it's been a dramatic 24 hours for celebrity exes Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness.
Yesterday morning came a big update in the pair's split, some 20 months after they both announced they were going their separate ways after 27 years of marriage: Furness had officially filed for divorce, the pair having come to an agreement that is reported to include a 'handsome payment'.
Hours later, an update nobody saw coming: Furness released an explosive statement about the split to the Daily Mail, calling out an 'traumatic journey of betrayal' that 'cut deep'.
She said the 'breakdown' of the couple's marriage had been 'a profound wound', but also suggested she was better off single.
All eyes were then on Jackman, who hours later posted an apparently unrelated video of him nailing a complicated jumprope routine during a stage show.
The song he was dancing to? N*Sync's break-up anthem Bye Bye Bye.
It didn't seem like it would turn out this way when the former couple released their PR-managed joint break-up statement back in September 2023, filled with therapy-speak about 'navigating [the] transition' with 'gratitude, love and kindness'.
They signed off that announcement with a promise: 'This is the sole statement either of us will make.'
Sydney divorce lawyer and founder of Kalpaxis Legal, Cassandra Kalpaxis, told news.com.au today that Furness' public statement was a reminder that 'raw emotions' are involved in even the most amicable of divorces.
'Amicable divorces are common, but that doesn't mean the people involved weren't hurt during the relationship or the separation. It simply means they're choosing to prioritise getting through the process quickly and respectfully over trying to emotionally damage one another,' Kalpaxis said.
She described Furness' surprise statement as 'insightful'.
'It's a reminder to those of us working in this space that divorce is really an emotional process, not just a legal one. Around 80 per cent of separation is about emotion. You're detaching from another person, and your nervous system needs to reset from that connection, those routines, the familiar voice, and shared behaviours.'
Speaking broadly, Ms Kalpaxis did concede that hurting parties can run into trouble when they air their grievances so publicly – particularly in a split as high-profile as this one.
'When I work with high-profile clients, I always advise them not to speak publicly about the split. It's never received the way it's intended, not by the media, friends, or family, because context and tone are everything,' she said.
'Things are easily misinterpreted, and that one comment can get back to the other person, be taken the wrong way, and spark acrimony. That's often how amicable divorces turn acrimonious.'
Ms Kalpaxis also said that a number of factors would've been taken into account to calculate the terms of the former couple's divorce settlement – among them, Jackman's earning power as a Hollywood A-lister, and their respective ages (Jackman is 56; Furness 69).
'For someone like Deb, who's a little older than Hugh, we'd expect her age and her future earning capacity to be taken into account. Similarly, his greater capacity to earn moving forward would also be factored into the overall division,' she speculated.
And Ms Kalpaxis offered some simple advice for any couple – A-list or otherwise – looking to keep things amicable as they navigated a split.
'One of the key ingredients to an amicable split is acknowledging the hurt that may have been caused, whether or not you agree with the other person's perspective. People have different lived experiences of the same relationship,' she said.
If both people can accept that their behaviour wasn't perfect, and let's face it, none of us are perfect all the time, and still commit to getting through the process in a fair and respectful way, then that really lays the groundwork for an amicable separation.'