My ex-girlfriend has moved on with new man but we still have weekly sex – I want her back
We were together for ten years, most of the time very happily, and our two lads are amazing.
But I'd been working away a lot on a new project and, when I went home, we'd end up arguing.
My partner said she felt like she was a single mum, but I believed I was doing my bit to put food on the table for the family.
Eventually, the arguments got too much, so I left before she kicked me out. It broke my heart.
Still, I was surprised when she took up with a new guy.
I know him. He sells dodgy goods for a living, yet she insists she's happy with him.
Two months ago, she rang to ask whether I'd get my old car racing set out of the loft for the boys.
It was a Friday afternoon, the kids were in school and her boyfriend had gone away with mates on a stag weekend. She looked lovely in her tight T-shirt and shorts.
We laughed and joked around and, when I climbed down from the loft, she was standing close to me, so I kissed her.
It felt so natural. She asked if I wanted sex, which obviously I did. It was like old times. She's now making excuses for me to drop by and we always end up in bed.
I'm hoping there may be a chance for us again, but when I hint at a proper reunion, she says she's enjoying life with this new guy.
Relationships, jealousy and envy
Last week, I went to watch the boys' football training and she was there with him. I can't bear to see them together.
My project is over and I'm working nine to five again. I want her back. We are both 32.
DEIDRE SAYS: Tell her how you feel and how things could change if you were back as a family unit.
If you decide to give it another go, couples counselling would be a smart move to stop you returning to the same cycle of arguing. My support pack, How Counselling Can Help, explains more.
If her answer is no, sort out your relationship and lay down some clear boundaries.
Having sex with her is a huge distraction and keeping you tied in. If you're single, you should move on.
You can still be a great dad to your boys and, if you draw up an arrangement for seeing them, you will all know where you stand.
DAD SAYS I'M SAME AS CROOK BROTHER
DEAR DEIDRE: THE day of my graduation is approaching and my dad is refusing to come, saying I will let him down before long.
He's even said he wishes my cousins were his sons, instead of my brother and me.
My brother is in prison for being part of a drug gang.
Although he has done wrong, he just got caught up with the wrong crowd when he left college.
He's 26 and I'm 21. Dad said to me: 'It won't be long before you go the same way.' However, I'm a hard-working student and have already put applications in to work for really good companies.
There's no way I'd get involved with drugs or the criminal world.
Dad has really upset me by taking this stance.
There will now only be my mum and my nan at the ceremony.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your dad is feeling a sense of failure as a father, but your brother is an adult and he has made his own choices.
Your dad is ashamed, perhaps because he feels he could have done more to guide your brother.
He had other ideas and dreams for the future of you boys – but you are fulfilling those aspirations.
Encourage your dad to get help through the Prisoners' Families helpline (prisonersfamilies.org, 0808 808 2003).
Invite him to your graduation again nearer the time but, if he still refuses, don't let him spoil your day.
You will still celebrate with your mum and nan – and it will be his loss.
BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME . . . WITH HIS MALE FRIEND
DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend and I were happy living together for 18 months. But last September he went out with a friend and didn't come home that night at all.
He finally turned up at lunchtime the next day – complaining he needed to go straight to bed. He apologised and explained he'd drunk too much and passed out on his mate's floor.
He is 29 and I'm 27. He did seem a bit distant over the next few weeks but I thought he was distracted by work.
Then out of the blue he moved out to live with his parents. Initially, he said he wanted to bubble up with them to help them stay safe.
I thought this seemed odd as they are both in their mid-fifties.
However the last few weeks he's stopped returning my calls. Something didn't feel right so I had it out with him.
He finally admitted he had sex with his male friend on that night out and admitted he is really confused and doesn't know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: Chances are your boyfriend's sexuality will have been an issue for him for some time.
People don't choose their sexuality and many are not even happy when they discover they are gay rather than heterosexual.
It is best to let go now and start to focus on your own future. He has chosen to move on and now you need to do the same.
HE WON'T QUIT SEEING HIS CRUSH
DEAR DEIDRE: I COULDN'T have been more delighted when my neighbour said she'd sold her house and was moving – because my husband is obsessed with her.
But I exploded with rage when he told me he still plans to meet up with her after she's moved.
She seemed nice at first, and my husband was always going round to see her because she 'needed a job doing'. He's 61 and would act like a love-sick teenager when she messaged.
He said they were 'friends' and had lots in common. To my mind, their mutual hobby was drinking to excess. Either she would pop round with a bottle of wine, or he'd go to 'do a job' – taking booze with him.
In the end, I told her she wasn't welcome in my house, so my husband went to hers instead.
I'm 59 and she's 54. She's attractive, so I'm no fool when it comes to what is going on. I know he fancies her, yet he says it's platonic. She has a way with men – she's been married four times.
Now, my husband says she's still his friend and they're staying in touch.
Should I tell him that he can't go, or just play along and accompany him on his visits?
DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, why not give him the benefit of the doubt and suggest that you go along with him? If he doesn't want you there, that would suggest you are right to be suspicious.
If that's the case, put your foot down, insisting on counselling to understand what's going wrong.
Meanwhile, ensure your relationship is as fun as it can be – then being with you will hold more attraction than being in her company.
She might be trying to tempt him but you can still make him remember why he married you.
My support pack, Relationship MOT, will ensure you keep that va-va-voom in your marriage.
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