Woman 'Annoyed' After Friends Order Her Food Before She Even Arrives at the Restaurant — Then Expect Her to Split the Bill
A woman sought advice on the U.K. community forum Mumsnet about an awkward dynamic with some friends, a married couple
On two separate occasions, a member of the couple ordered food for her before she arrived at the restaurant, and expected to split the bill
"Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?" the woman askedA woman is seeking advice about an awkward situation with her friends.
She shared her story in a post on the U.K. site Mumsnet's "Am I Being Unreasonable?" forum, beginning by explaining that she and her partner recently met up at a restaurant with her friend and her husband — and arrived to find they had started the meal without them.
"We turned up bang on time, to find that the husband had already ordered garlic pizza as a starter and expected us all to share it and not order starters of our own," the OP (original poster) wrote.
She was a bit put off as she had planned to order something different for herself.
"I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want," she recalled.
At the time, the OP assumed the food ordering issue "was the husband" and brushed it off. When she later got together with just her friend, she inquired about it. "I asked what was going on with 'Fred' ordering for us, and she said it was just him," she wrote.
"But it happened again recently, so I'm not so sure," she continued.
On the second occasion, the OP arrived 10 minutes late to lunch but made sure to text her friend ahead of time to apologize for her tardiness. "This was the first time I have ever been late meeting her in 25 years," she noted.
When she got to the restaurant, she discovered that her friend had already ordered — "what I usually, but not always, eat and drink."
"It was 12:40, I hadn't made her desperately late getting lunch, and she's not diabetic or anything else that would need her to eat at a particular time to within 10 minutes," the OP wrote.
The OP said that for both restaurant outings, the expectation was that the bill would be split in half, despite her not getting to order for herself.
"AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to be a bit annoyed? Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?" she asked fellow Mumsnet users.
In the comments, most people agreed that the couple's behavior was "strange and controlling" and advised the OP to speak up about it.
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"It's weird, and I wouldn't like this. Either tell them firmly before the event that 'let's all order for ourselves' or you stop dining with them," one reader wrote.
"Just say very firmly in advance, 'Please don't order for me! I like to choose for myself,' " another commenter said.
Yet another person suggested: "Order your own food when you get there. Let the friend pay for the meal she ordered. Make it her problem. It won't happen again!"
Still, a small minority of commenters pointed out that, at least in the second instance, the OP's friend may have thought she was being helpful by ordering food for her since she was running late.
"Ordering your lunch is weird, but you've known her for 25 years so she probably thought she was helping you," one person wrote.
However, another user chimed in to say that the friend still could have given the OP the option to choose her own food.
"Occasionally, someone might mean to be helpful, particularly if you're running late. I've ordered for a friend in that situation, but only after I've texted her and given her the menu options so she can let me know what she wants," they wrote. "Everyone has a mobile phone these days, it's not difficult!"
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