The secret diary of .. the Budget

Newsroom

24-05-2025

NICOLA WILLIS
People think of the Budget as an economic response to the state of the nation. And traditionally that has been the case. But this Government is not bound by tradition. This Government, Mr Speaker, is an exciting Government. The Prime Minister is exciting. You only have to spend five seconds with him to know that. Six seconds might be pushing it. But I want to return to my original point which is to deny that the 2025 Budget is an economic response to the state of the nation. The 2025 Budget is in fact an economic response to the stain of the nation.
Because it is a stain on the nation when you have young people age at 18, 19 on the sofa playing PlayStation when we want to see them in training or in work. And that is why we are making benefits means-tested for 18- and 19-year-olds. We need to address the stain. We need to wipe up the stain. We are going to soak the stain in means-testing, and then we'll be able to see what comes out in the wash.
I want to see them in training. They may not be able to get a job, but they can go to a polytech. They can get into an apprenticeship, and they wouldn't be tested for that. The parents wouldn't be. They will become eligible for student allowances and the full range of student support, and that's the whole point of the policy. And at the end they still may not be able to get a job, because unemployment is at record levels and looks set to get even worse.
Then, and only then, can they return to the sofa and play PlayStation. Grand Theft Auto VI is due in 2026 and it promises swamp chases and helicopter fights. It will provide hours of fun to fill in the vacant days.
Thank you, Mr Speaker.
CHRIS HIPKINS
Mr Speaker, this is a scramble without the lollies. There are no super gummy snakes. There are no sour bananas. There are no milk bottles. There are no jersey caramels. There are no tangy fruit sticks. There are no sour cola bottles. There are no wine gums. There are no jetplanes. There are no spearmint leaves. Mr Speaker, and excuse me for shouting, BUT THERE ARE NO LICORICE ALLSORTS.
Who wants a world without lollies? What do we have to look forward to? With this Budget, Mr Speaker, Nicola Willis and the coalition Government have done more than taken away our right to enjoy a sweet treat. They have taken away our hope.
Night has fallen. We are lost and cold in the dark, children who have never been happy or good. I do not wish to exaggerate or play on our fears when I say this Budget is a crime against humanity.
Thank you, Mr Speaker.
SHANE JONES
Mr Speaker, the leader of the New Zealand Party, the Rt Hon Winston Peters, has had to leave for elsewhere and given me very little notice to respond to the Budget but I shall try my best and what I want to say, Mr Speaker, is that we all have prosperity within us. It is sent down like a thunderbolt from Zeus and illuminates our path forward through the mighty forest and across the arid plains towards a better tomorrow. Each of us are lanterns of wealth. The Budget is but a wick. Night has fallen. Woke-riddled snowflakes are afraid of the dark. Too bad. Winter is coming.
Thank you, Mr Speaker.
THE LANDLORDS OF NEW ZEALAND
Thank you, Nicola Willis. We can see daylight.