Man Wants to Buy His Family's Home at a $100K Discount, But Partner Says It'll Never Feel Like Hers
A man wants to buy his family's home at a $100k discount, but his partner refuses
She says it would never feel like hers and insists on buying a home with no family ties
Despite offering compromises, he wonders if this emotional divide is a dealbreakerA man turns to the Reddit community for advice following a difficult disagreement with his long-term partner over their future home. The couple is planning to buy a house within the next year, but they find themselves at a standstill when it comes to choosing the right one.
He explains in his post that his family owns a spacious, well-maintained home he can purchase for significantly below market value — about "$100k less" than similar properties. 'It's spacious, has a garden, and would require minimal monthly expenses compared to most other options,' he writes.
The house also comes with solar panels, updated heating and no pressing need for renovations, making it a practical and financially wise choice. But despite the deal's many upsides, his partner is firmly against it. Not because of the house itself, but because it belongs to his family.
'She says it wouldn't feel like 'her' home,' he explains, adding that she believes she would always feel like 'she's living in someone else's life.' Even with the offer of a full renovation and freedom to make it her own, she remains resistant.
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Instead, she wants to start fresh — ideally with an apartment that doesn't carry any history from either side. The man notes that this option would be 'smaller, more expensive over time, no garden, older infrastructure,' but she sees the blank slate as emotionally necessary.
He's tried offering a range of compromises, including symbolic distance from his family. 'They'd have no say in anything,' he promises her, emphasizing that this would be their space, not an extension of his past.
But for her, the issue isn't about what his family says or does — it's about what the house represents. 'She says it would feel like giving up her sense of independence,' he shares, revealing that she'd even prefer to rent or spend more just to have something that feels like 'ours' from day one.
The man says he understands the emotional aspect, but he's struggling to balance it with what he sees as a rare and stable opportunity. 'It feels like I'm being asked to ignore a rare and stable opportunity because of a symbolic rejection of anything tied to my past,' he writes.
He emphasizes that he's not trying to pressure her, just hoping she'll meet him halfway. But despite his efforts, he admits, 'all signs point to this being a dealbreaker for her.'
In a follow-up edit, he adds context about their relationship. 'We're not married, but we're headed that way (but not yet proposed). We've been together for 8 years, no other issues in the relationship, she's the person I'll be spending my life with,' he says.
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Readers respond with empathy and sharp insight, with one commenter noting, 'The thing is that she doesn't believe that your family won't be involved for whatever reason.' This user suggests that no matter what he says, she may still worry his family is 'too involved in your life.'
Another points out that both perspectives carry weight. 'Someone who looks at this purely from a financial angle will never see the emotional side,' they write. 'Someone who believes this house will always be more yours than hers will not care how good of an investment it is because they will never feel truly at home.'
The man acknowledges this complexity in a second update, admitting he's started to reconsider his approach. 'I also understood I'm the one being pushy about it,' he says. 'So I'll take a step back and start seriously considering other options, given also the possible downsides of purchasing a family home.'
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