Is it rude to ditch your travel partner for the airport lounge? We asked.

Washington Post

4 hours ago

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As airport lounges crack down on crowds, some are getting stricter with guest policies by implementing new rules and higher fees. If you're a card-carrying member, but your travel companion is not, is it a faux pas to leave them behind for a little lounge time before your flight?
All is fair in love and upgrades? Not quite. The airport lounge can feel like a port in the storm, an elegant oasis away from the chaos of the greater terminal. But they're not worth ruining a relationship over — or at least the start of a trip.
'Let's just acknowledge that these lounges are fine, but they are not amazing,' said Nick Leighton, co-host of the etiquette podcast 'Were you raised by wolves?' 'Like if the Qantas First [Class] Lounge was plopped into the middle of New York City, would it be the hottest restaurant or a lounge down? No, it would not.'
In fact, 'there are a lot of lounges around the world where it is worse than the terminal outside,' Leighton added.
But the allure of 'free' charcuterie and can be alluring, so let's figure out what to do in a lopsided membership situation.
Tackling this question starts with establishing some context, says Jo Hayes, founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org. First: who is the travel companion? If it's a colleague, Hayes says you may appreciate some time apart anyway.
Leighton agrees, so long as you're talking about your work equal.
'It's sort of like every man for himself if you're at the same level,' he said. 'It's a little trickier if you're traveling and your boss doesn't have access. There's a little power dynamic there.'
To avoid flexing on your colleague — superior, subordinate, whoever, really — Leighton says to part ways before you get to the lounge, maybe mentioning you're going to grab some food and you'll see them at the gate later. Mostly, you don't want to rub in your elite status.
'We want to be mindful of your companions' feelings; we don't want to embarrass them,' Leighton said.
A loved one — like a family member or your romantic partner — is a different story.
'I think the default setting is that you don't go,' Leighton said.
Lisa Richey, founder of the American Academy of Etiquette, Inc., had the same sentiment.
'Instead, find a quiet corner, have a coffee, and be fully present,' she said. 'This is a great opportunity to enjoy a human connection.'
However, every relationship is different. Leighton pointed out that some couples appreciate a break from each other, they might not even choose to sit next to each other on the plane.
'In that case, have at it,' he said. 'Enjoy that lounge; enjoy that warm prosecco!'
If you don't have that kind of 'separate togetherness' approach to your travel day, consider their reaction to a proposed split. How do you think that conversation is going to go? Will you hurt their feelings by even asking? And what kind of airport are you leaving them in? Is the terminal miserable and your lounge visit further salting the wound?
Hayes says whatever the scenario, her No. 1 tip is to have clear communication before you decide. Here's her sample script: 'We've got a two-hour layover. How would you feel about my going into the lounge for that time? It feels a bit awkward, or rude, leaving you out here, so if you'd prefer I stay with you, just say so.'
Frame the question in a way that's polite and demonstrates you have considered their feelings. You want them to feel respected, and that you don't want to do anything that would hurt them.
'This is what good manners are all about,' Hayes said.
Plus, 'when people feel respected, they're far more likely to offer grace in return,' she added.