My husband wants me to pretend to be his SISTER during sex and it's freaking me out – have our kinky games gone too far?
I've had some pretty out-there requests (even by my standards), but one still haunts me.
4
I'm all for roleplay, but an ex once asked me to be his stepmum — and since he actually had one who looked a bit like me, it creeped me out!
So when I got this letter from a reader whose husband asked her to roleplay as his stepsister, it took me right back to that moment. She has my full sympathy.
It's tricky to balance not kink-shaming with being comfortable in your own sex life - but I'm up for the challenge.
I'm The Sun's Sexpert, and this week in my no-holds-barred sex series, I'll show you how to fend off an awkward kinky request without going back to boring sex.
Q. A few months back, me and my hubby agreed to try out some role play to spice things up.
We've been married for six years and sex had gone a bit stale. At first, it worked a treat and we were at it like rabbits, but now he's suggesting I pretend to be his stepsister and it's freaking me out!
He assures me it's just a harmless common fetish and to be fair some of my mates have said the same, but to me it just feels weird - especially since he actually has a sister.
I love my husband, we have a great marriage and I don't want to push him away in the bedroom just when things were heating up again.
How can I steer him away from this fantasy without going back to the vanilla sex we had before?
How can I bring up kinks with my partner?
Georgie says:
'HAVING fantasies is completely normal, and I'm sure his stepsister one is innocent enough - but I understand why it's made you uncomfortable.
It's a common theme in mainstream porn, so it's likely he's just picked it up from there and became fixated on the idea.
That said, since he actually has a sister, it probably feels a bit too close to home for you — and that's valid.
The key here is communication. Being open and honest is essential for great sex and a healthy relationship.
How you respond will shape what happens next. You don't want to blurt out, 'God, that's creepy as hell, babe,' as that could make him shut down.
He might start feeling ashamed or like a weirdo, and stop sharing things with you - which could cause issues both in and out of the bedroom.
4
That said, it's absolutely okay to say no. If something doesn't sit right with you, you shouldn't feel pressured to go along with it - and any decent partner should respect that.
But just because you're not into this particular fantasy doesn't mean role play is off the table entirely.
Here are my tips for keeping things exciting without going down that route…
Secret fantasies
Being able to say what you like and don't like is key to great sex - but how you say it matters just as much.
It's important to create a safe space where your partner feels comfortable opening up.
I love roleplay but an ex once asked me to be his stepmum and he actually had one who looked a bit like me!
Georgie CulleySun Sexpert
Never mock or laugh if they share an unusual kink or fantasy. Instead, use positive language - try something like: 'I love it when we do X, Y, Z, but I'm not really into that kind of roleplay. I'd be up for trying this instead…'
It's all about keeping the conversation open, respectful, and focused on mutual pleasure.
Set boundaries
With any kind of kinky play, it's essential to set clear boundaries and agree on a safe word - something either of you can use to stop immediately if things become uncomfortable.
Roleplay often involves exploring power dynamics, and can sometimes veer into BDSM territory.
That's why having a safe word or signal in place is so important - it ensures both partners feel secure, respected, and in control at all times.
What sent my ex wild
Roleplay is a brilliant way to explore fantasies. For many, slipping into a uniform and taking on a different persona can help them fully embrace the part.
An ex of mine went wild when I dressed up as a maid and spent the whole day teasing him — doing the housework in a skimpy outfit, but not letting him rip it off until later.
It was the ultimate slow-burn foreplay, and it drove him mad in the best way.
Make it fun by involving each other in the process — shop together for outfits (whether you're trying doctor and patient, police officer and defendant, or something else entirely) and see what sparks your interest.
Do you enjoy being dominant, submissive, or a bit of both - known as a switch? Don't be afraid to experiment with different roles and, most importantly, enjoy the ride.
Filthy fiction
Stuck for ideas? Try watching an erotic film or steamy bonkbuster for inspiration. Fancy a Regency-style romp? Pop on Bridgerton for outfit ideas and boudoir makeover inspo.
If TV's not your thing, pick up an erotic novel. Fifty Shades is a classic intro to BDSM, but there's a whole world of saucy books out there to spark your imagination.
Want to up the ante? Take turns reading the naughtiest chapters aloud to each other - it's a guaranteed way to get in the mood.
'One night stands' with a twist
If dressing up isn't your thing, don't worry - roleplay doesn't have to involve costumes. It can simply be about creating a new scenario.
Taking sex out of the bedroom is a great way to shake things up, especially in a long-term relationship where you want to reignite that just met spark.
One of my favourite roleplays is dressing up in a sexy outfit, heading to a bar, and having my partner meet me there as if we're strangers.
He has to chat me up like it's a first date - then we book into a hotel for a cheeky 'one night stand'.
It's playful, exciting, and adds a whole new energy to your sex life.
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