Boring suburbia is full of middle-class mums swinging. We have a lot of fun but there are strict rules... and then we talk about the school run afterwards

Daily Mail​

5 days ago

Britain's suburbia is full of middle class parents dropping their children off at school, doing the weekly shop, and swinging, according to one mum.
For the increasing number of couples attending swinging clubs and festivals and opening up their marriages, it's harmless fun but there are still strict rules to follow.
Sarah*, 44, is a mother-of-four and a former estate agent living in the sleepy village of Allington known for its 12th century castle, picturesque countryside and the UK's largest swinging festival, Swingathon.
A swinger for seven years, Sarah said that she knew she wanted a different kind of sex life when she was a teenager but felt it was too taboo to explore.
It wasn't until she spoke to a colleague at work about her desires that a new world opened up.
After going through a couple of break-ups, and enjoying a threesome with two other men, Sarah decided to explore opening up her relationship with her now husband, Steve and the pair have never looked back.
And Sarah is part of a growing number of middle class couples who are spicing up their sex lives by joining the swinging community.
But, the mother insists, it's not as hedonistic as it might sound and there are rules to follow and some surprises along the way.
While many might assume that swinging clubs where members give in to their carnal desires, Sarah confessed it's a lot more tame than people might think.
She confessed that when her and her husband attend, far from raunchy conversation starters or dirty talk, couples discuss the mundane humdrum of daily life.
She said: 'You don't turn up and go straight to bed, or anything. You have a conversation. You have a beer and a chat.
'I've sat in clubs talking about laundry how exciting it is to get to the bottom of the laundry basket.
'People think we're all filth and talking. But no we talk about school runs. We talk about summer holidays.
'It's like going to the pub. It's just we like to shed clothes and perhaps have a cuddle with somebody that's not our other half.'
Sarah was fully introduced to the world of swinging after a chance conversation with a friend at work.
The Lincolnshire-native told the Daily Mail that her colleague had confessed she had gone to a sex club for the first time and loved it and encouraged Sarah to consider it too.
So she went home and after putting her children to bed, told her husband.
She explained that they discussed the practicalities and decided to go for it.
Sarah said: 'We talked about possible scenarios. We talked about what each of us were happy for the other to do.
'We had a lot of rules.
'For example, no kissing - that's intimate. We didn't want to make friends with anybody. We saw them as quick one offs, and we didn't want to build any relationships in case of feelings developing, etc.
And creating clear rules was a non-negotiable for Sarah who said that couples all have their own personal approaches which makes sexual encounters at swinging clubs much clearer.
She explained that consent and respect is 'the main ethos of the entire thing', adding that if a man wants to touch her bottom, he will have to ask her or her husband first.
Sarah also revealed what goes on inside swinging clubs, revealing that each experience is different but there are often activities designed to spur trysts and encourage saucy experiences.
The mother-of-four said: 'Every situation is different, and it tends to be very organic. Sometimes you go, and there'll be a big group of you playing games as an icebreaker which is a bit more mature than spin the bottle.
'There's also adult jenga, truth or dare, silly dice where you roll it and it says "kiss" on one and then a body part on the other.'
Sarah then explained that you ask a person if you can kiss their body part and then the interaction can move on from there.
'It progresses, and you end up going into another room with them, or, everyone joins in.'
But while it might be an organic atmosphere, there are still rules and faux pas.
Sarah explained one of her biggest tips for newcomers would be not to compare notes, she explained that whatever goes on between the parties involved should remain private.
She said: 'You don't have a post match analysis. "Oh, I've slept with X amount of people, and she does this, and he smells funny", you just don't do it.'
Sarah added: 'What goes on goes on between two, three, four, however, many consenting adults is between them. You don't go chatting about it with anybody'.
But clarified she has occasionally shared details but only with her husband, confessing: 'Sometimes you compare notes to a degree.'
Some members of swinging clubs may enjoy needle play, fire play, spanking and rope-play but Sarah emphasised that anything that could be dangerous had to be discussed beforehand and that having a safeword was essential.
She then confessed that her and her husband use the traffic light system with green signalling everything is fine, amber telling the other person that limits are being pushed and red indicating that a line has been crossed.
Sarah added that the idea of a safe word was popularised by the Fifty Shades of Grey book series but it was the only thing the author E. L. James got right about the BDSM and kink community, adding that swinging clubs are nothing like the erotica popularised ten years ago.
She also revealed that the 'lifestyle' is not for the faint-hearted and those who attend the clubs can tell a newbie or someone uncomfortable a mile off.
But they don't evict them. Instead other attendees check they're not feeling too overwhelmed and if they are, they're swiftly taken off to a corner for a cup of tea.
Sarah said of her fellow swingers: 'It's a community in the traditional sense of the word. Everyone looks out for each other, even strangers.'