I think about my girlfriend's niece during sex – she turns me on so much more and my self-control won't last much longer
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DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner's niece really turns me on. I'm trying to keep away from her, but I can't resist.
She's been staying with us and we have kissed.
I keep fantasising about sex with her, but fear my partner will find out.
What can I do to stop the inevitable happening? My self-control won't last much longer.
My partner and I are in our early forties and we have been together for five years.
Her niece is 21.
She's studying locally and, as rental prices are ridiculous, my partner invited her to live with us in term time.
When she arrived, I noticed how attractive she is — slim, with long legs and long, dark hair. I assumed she wouldn't want much to do with me, as she'd be out partying with her student friends.
But she seemed keen to be around me, often staying up late to talk when my partner went to bed.
Sometimes, I even thought she was flirting, but I told myself it was wishful thinking. Then, one evening, we shared a bottle of wine.
She got tipsy and told me she'd always wanted to be with an older man.
She moved very close to me on the sofa, then leaned over to kiss me.
Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships
I have never been so aroused in my life. But, knowing it was wrong, I made my excuses and went up to bed before things could go further.
The next day, she kept brushing past me in the kitchen. I thought that I would explode with desire.
Since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. During sex with my partner, I imagine I'm with her niece instead.
My partner is going away for work soon. I know what's going to happen while she's away.
I feel guilty, but I also don't want to turn down what promises to be the best sex of my life.
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like you want permission to have sex with your partner's niece.
I'm afraid I can't give you that. Neither can I give you self-control, you need to find that within yourself.
Find something to do that will keep you occupied while your partner is away. Better still, go and visit a friend.
As the older, more mature party, you need to talk to your partner's niece and tell her that this can't go any further.
Remind her that it's not just a bit of fun. You're risking her relationship with her aunt, and yours with your partner.
It's hardly a kind way to pay back her aunt's generosity in allowing her to stay.
Perhaps you should also ask her to find somewhere else to live as soon as possible.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME WITH ALCOHOLIC HUBBY
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I reached the end of my tether with my husband's alcohol problem, I wrote to you for help.
He was in denial and I couldn't get him to take responsibility.
Although I still loved him, I didn't see how I could remain married to a man who no longer had any interest in me, sexually or emotionally.
My husband and I are both in our mid-fifties and have been married for 25 years.
Since being made redundant during Covid, his life had revolved around alcohol.
He drank every day, had stopped seeing friends and even talking to me. You acknowledged how unhealthy our relationship had become and said my husband sounded depressed.
You advised that he needed to go to his GP, and recommended that we both saw a counsellor.
You suggested I read your support packs, Dealing With Depression, How Counselling Can Help and Dealing With A Problem Drinker.
I had a big talk with him and told him I would leave if he didn't get help.
He finally agreed to see his doctor and is now drinking far less and being more affectionate. Thank you.
DEIDRE SAYS: I'm glad things have improved. Overcoming alcohol addiction isn't easy, but it sounds like he is on the right path.
WE SPLIT UP MONTHS AGO BUT HE WON'T MOVE OUT
DEAR DEIDRE: ALMOST a year after we broke up, my ex and I are still living together.
He won't move out or get back together, or even discuss the future. It's left me in limbo.
We're in our mid-thirties and have a young son together. I always thought we'd get married one day. However, things grew tough after our son was born.
We drifted apart, no longer had sex and bickered a lot over money.
I resented doing all the housework and most of the childcare.
Ten months ago, even though I love him, I told him that I thought we should split up because neither of us was happy, and he agreed.
However, since then nothing has changed.
He's sleeping in the spare room, but he hasn't moved out, and I still do all the washing, cooking and cleaning.
I worry it's confusing for our son.
I've asked him if he wants to get back together and try again, but he says he's not sure yet. It feels like he's taking advantage of having a nice home without having to make any effort with me.
Should I wait for him to make up his mind, or should I find a way to get him to leave and move on with my life?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex seems to be using the fact that you still have feelings for him and would be happy to get back together.
He believes he can bide his time until he decides what he wants. But by not making a decision, I think he's given you an answer: Nothing has changed.
If he really wanted you back, he'd make a big effort.
It's time for you to be decisive. Perhaps you need to give him an ultimatum, for your son's sake, and stick to it.
Couples counselling could be helpful, either to resolve things or to split.
See my support pack, How Counselling Can Help, for more information.
TEENAGE TROUBLES
DEAR DEIDRE: IT was annoying when my bisexual friend kept holding my hand and telling me we'd make a cute couple but I didn't say anything as I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
However, now another friend has told me she's been going round telling people I'm in love with her.
I don't know what to do. We're 17-year-old girls and at sixth form college.
I was supportive of my friend when she came out as bi but I'm straight and not interested.
And I don't like having lies spread about me.
DEIDRE SAYS: You need to confront your friend about what she said. Be kind but firm.
Tell her it's making you feel uncomfortable and ask her to stop.
Make it clear that you value her friendship but aren't interested in anything more.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you have this conversation without making her too defensive.
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My Learning About Relationships and Age Gaps support packs will help. FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: MY son blocked me from seeing my granddaughter, so I took him to court. But the judge ended up ruling against me. My son and I have always had a strained relationship. His father left us when he was a baby, so I brought him up alone and I must have spoiled him. He got used to having his own way and I always gave in. I'm 60 now and he's 34. He married five years ago and had a daughter. She's the apple of my eye. I loved seeing her. My son continued to bully me. He'd demand money and threaten to cut off contact if I said no. He expected me to look after their pets every time they went on holiday, even though I work full-time. I eventually stood up to him and told him I wouldn't be pushed around. That's when he stopped me from visiting my granddaughter. He wouldn't take my calls and barred me from their house. I sent my granddaughter birthday and Christmas presents, but heard from a mutual friend that my son ripped off the labels and told her they were all from him. After 18 months, I went to court to gain access. But the judge ruled against me, saying that as I hadn't seen my granddaughter for so long, it wouldn't be beneficial for contact to resume. My son smirked at me across the room during the ruling. I'm heartbroken. DEIDRE SAYS: What a distressing situation. I can understand why you're heartbroken. Your bullying son is using his own daughter to hurt you. Sadly, grandparents in the United Kingdom currently have no inherent legal right to see their grandchildren. But you don't have to go through this experience alone. You can find emotional support through Grandparents Apart UK ( a charitable organisation dedicated to helping grandparents keep in touch with their grandchildren if they've been denied contact or have fallen out. You can also find information and advice through Stand Alone ( can't get this link to work on laptop or phone, which helps people of all ages who are estranged from, or disowned by, their family. Good luck.
