The Secret Diary of the .. Coldplay affair scandal
I have sent a strongly worded letter joining 25 other world leaders to object to the Coldplay affair scandal. We, the undersigned, have called for an end to:
The affair. It must cease immediately.
Coldplay. They must lay down their instruments, and disband.
Astronomer. It must go into receivership.
Jumbotrons. The plug must be pulled. It is a public menace.
We are confident of a result.
Rawiri Waititi from Te Pāti Māori
Astronomer CEO Andy Bryson, white. His co-worker Kristin Cabot, white. Coldplay, producers of the whitest music ever recorded.
Read into that what you will but I will only add that Māori did not have affairs before white people came to Aotearoa. It was a society based on fidelity, loyalty, peace, harmony, freedom, liberty, equality, and filing audited financial statements.
Scott Robertson from the All Blacks
Andy and Kristin were just there to play footy with each other and they were in a good place. You could see they were feeling it. I mean once Chris Martin starts singing 'Yellow' then that's when the heat is on and desire is going to lean into the maul.
But the Jumbotron incident was against the run of play. Things took a wicked bounce and that's just one of those unfortunate things with modern stadiums. Everyone is watching everyone else, and one thing we know about footy is that you can run but you can't hide.
AI-generated content from NZME
During a July 16, 2025 Coldplay concert at Gillette Stadium (Boston), Astronomer executives Andy Bryson and Kristin Cabot were unexpectedly filmed on the venue's kiss cam, sparking viral attention as they appeared very close on camera (e.g., hugging, whispering).
Chris Martin quipped: 'Either they're having an affair or they're very shy,' which became symbolic of the moment's viral nature.
In other news dominating the NZME homepage which reflects New Zealand current events, wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan dies aged 71.
Natalia Cleland from Wellington's Downtown Community Ministry
A new report warns that the number of homeless people in New Zealand has increased at a rate faster than New Zealand's population growth.
Christopher Luxon from David Seymour's government
Look, what I will say to you is that I'm in no mood to answer any frickin' questions about homelessness or anything else that is part of some media-generated beat-up campaign to discredit the government and the real gains we are making in inflation, in education, in health, and in boot camps, above all in boot camps, you should see them for yourselves, frightened children from bad houses are learning to make their beds and get yelled at if they don't, I'd like to see what Chris frickin' Hipkins think is a better idea, he landed us all in this mess in the first place, but all anyone wants to talk about is the widespread perception that I am some sort of frickin' weakling led around by his nose and that I have manifestly failed to inspire confidence in my leadership, so look let's all just change the subject and talk about the Astronomer affair scandal and how they more or less got busted frickin'.
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15 hours ago
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Company in Coldplay kisscam drama hires Gwyneth Paltrow as spokesperson
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a day ago
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Gwyneth Paltrow aids Astronomer post-CEO scandal with satirical video
Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech. Gwyneth Paltrow has been hired as Astronomer's temporary spokeswoman. Photo / Coldplay singer Chris Martin's ex Gwyneth Paltrow became a 'temporary spokesperson' for Astronomer after its former CEO was caught having an alleged affair with another employee. Andy Byron, the married CEO of software company Astronomer, was publicly outed cosying up to his co-worker Kristin Cabot after footage of them caught in an embrace at the concert went viral around the world. Byron has since resigned from his high-profile role while Cabot, who is also married, has also left the company. Now, in a bid to deflect from the negative press, Astronomer has given a satirical response with the help of Oscar winner Paltrow, who says she has been hired on a 'very temporary basis' to represent the 'more than 300 employees' at the company. She said that she had been asked to answer some serious questions that the world has had for the company ever since Coldplaygate.
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2 days ago
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The Secret Diary of the .. Coldplay affair scandal
Winston Peters from NZ First I have sent a strongly worded letter joining 25 other world leaders to object to the Coldplay affair scandal. We, the undersigned, have called for an end to: The affair. It must cease immediately. Coldplay. They must lay down their instruments, and disband. Astronomer. It must go into receivership. Jumbotrons. The plug must be pulled. It is a public menace. We are confident of a result. Rawiri Waititi from Te Pāti Māori Astronomer CEO Andy Bryson, white. His co-worker Kristin Cabot, white. Coldplay, producers of the whitest music ever recorded. Read into that what you will but I will only add that Māori did not have affairs before white people came to Aotearoa. It was a society based on fidelity, loyalty, peace, harmony, freedom, liberty, equality, and filing audited financial statements. Scott Robertson from the All Blacks Andy and Kristin were just there to play footy with each other and they were in a good place. You could see they were feeling it. I mean once Chris Martin starts singing 'Yellow' then that's when the heat is on and desire is going to lean into the maul. But the Jumbotron incident was against the run of play. Things took a wicked bounce and that's just one of those unfortunate things with modern stadiums. Everyone is watching everyone else, and one thing we know about footy is that you can run but you can't hide. AI-generated content from NZME During a July 16, 2025 Coldplay concert at Gillette Stadium (Boston), Astronomer executives Andy Bryson and Kristin Cabot were unexpectedly filmed on the venue's kiss cam, sparking viral attention as they appeared very close on camera (e.g., hugging, whispering). Chris Martin quipped: 'Either they're having an affair or they're very shy,' which became symbolic of the moment's viral nature. In other news dominating the NZME homepage which reflects New Zealand current events, wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan dies aged 71. Natalia Cleland from Wellington's Downtown Community Ministry A new report warns that the number of homeless people in New Zealand has increased at a rate faster than New Zealand's population growth. Christopher Luxon from David Seymour's government Look, what I will say to you is that I'm in no mood to answer any frickin' questions about homelessness or anything else that is part of some media-generated beat-up campaign to discredit the government and the real gains we are making in inflation, in education, in health, and in boot camps, above all in boot camps, you should see them for yourselves, frightened children from bad houses are learning to make their beds and get yelled at if they don't, I'd like to see what Chris frickin' Hipkins think is a better idea, he landed us all in this mess in the first place, but all anyone wants to talk about is the widespread perception that I am some sort of frickin' weakling led around by his nose and that I have manifestly failed to inspire confidence in my leadership, so look let's all just change the subject and talk about the Astronomer affair scandal and how they more or less got busted frickin'.
