2 Reasons Ghosting Hurts More Than Direct Rejection, By A Psychologist

Forbes

3 days ago

We know being ghosted is painful, but what does the aftermath look like for those left behind? A new study sheds light. getty
Dealing with ghosting can be deeply demoralizing. You're texting them regularly, feeling more and more emotionally invested, until one day, they suddenly stop all forms of communication, leaving you in a state of uncertainty.
If you're someone that's been ghosted, you may feel a range of emotions, including anxiety, confusion and self-doubt. You likely start wondering if you've said or done something wrong.
Whatever the reason, the distress you feel from the harshness of the perpetrator's sudden disappearance is undeniable. Social rejection can be tough to digest for all of us, and it's especially difficult in the case of ghosting, where there's no clear answer as to what may have provoked the other person to react this way.
At least 25% of the young adult population has faced it at some point, as per a 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. All of us seek closure whenever a relationship ends, for our emotional, psychological and physical wellbeing, but we rarely get it when it comes to ghosting.
A new 2025 study published in Personal Relationships conduced two studies to find the difference in responses between those who are ghosted versus those who get explicitly rejected.
Here are two key ways ghosting impacts you, as opposed to outright rejection: 1. It Leaves You In A State Of Uncertainty
As a 2020 study published in Personal Relationships explains, ghosting differs from typical relationship breakdowns. Ghosting initiators can 'vanish' anytime digitally, without any accountability, which leaves the one ghosted hurt and distressed.
Unlike a typical relationship, it lacks a breakup storyline with a beginning, middle and end. It can also happen multiple times, with a person stopping communication and initiating contact months later, known as zombieing .
You don't need to be in a serious or official relationship to be ghosted. It can happen in any type of personal communication, as long as there was some expectation that the conversation or connection would continue.
Due to the lack of typical relationship rules, ghosting leaves people wondering if they were actually rejected, even though they clearly feel so. This lack of clarity causes people to stay emotionally attached to the ghoster. They may even imagine getting back together, even though it could lead to the cycle repeating. 2. It Encourages Unhealthy Behaviors That Delay Healing
A lot of people shy away from double texting someone who rejected them. This includes people who were either rejected directly or ghosted. However, the researchers of the 2025 study noticed something interesting. After 24 hours without a response, ghosted individuals showed an interest in regaining contact with the rejector, almost as much as people who were accepted.
However, those who suffered explicit rejection did not act the same way, potentially to avoid future loss and embarrassment.
This could be because ghosted individuals often try to piece together what went wrong. This leads to them to 'stalk' or check up on the other person's social media or dating profile to find clues of what they're up to, and what could have gone wrong between them.
Ironically, this search for answers often leaves them feeling more upset, confused and longing for the one who rejected them. They hold onto hope longer, so their psychological recovery slows down, especially on days when they initiate contact.
Even after realizing they may have been ghosted, people often convince themselves it's not over. They're more likely to reinitiate contact or keep checking their phones for a response. This false hope can drag out their heartbreak far longer than a direct, respectful rejection might.
If you've ever considered ghosting because you're not interested in pursuing a romantic connection anymore, the best thing you can do is be kind, and direct. Not only does it reduce distress and guilt on your part long-term, it also gives the other person a sense of closure, even if it stings a little at first.
The ghosted person is unlikely to initiate contact repeatedly if you just do them the favor of telling them you're not interested, instead of leaving them in the dark.
If you're the one dealing with a ghoster, remember not to take it personally. There may be several reasons why they may not have been able to re-initiate contact. Perhaps, they really were dealing with a personal circumstance, fear any potential form of conflict or just failed to communicate their lack of interest clearly.
Whatever their reason, their silence is a clear indicator that it's time for you to move on. As frustrating as it is, you may have to accept that no answer is an answer, and that moving forward only creates space for connections where direct communication will be a given.
Being ghosted can feel like being broken up with, even if you weren't yet in a relationship. Take this science-backed test to gauge how you're coping with these feelings: Breakup Distress Scale