Gen Zer Backed for Snooping on Boyfriend's Phone After What He Found

Newsweek

29-04-2025

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A Gen Z man has been supported by users on Reddit after sharing why he decided to take a peek into his boyfriend's phone—and what he found on there.
The 20-year-old man, known as u/mainelectrical8427 on the platform, had decided to trust his gut and look into his boyfriend's phone, but he was not prepared for what he would uncover—or the surge of support he would later receive online. He took to Reddit on April 25, detailing the night he discovered that his boyfriend had downplayed their relationship to another man, describing him merely as a "friend from school"—even after posting affectionate photos of him.
The man later updated viewers that he had decided to break up with his 22-year-old partner, citing his flirting with the other man and his dishonesty as reasons.
Frank Thewes, a therapist specializing in relationships and life transitions, told Newsweek that the man's decision to leave was justified.
"This one seems pretty cut and dry," Thewes said. "The man does not appreciate flirting outside of the relationship, and his partner crossed his boundary.
"He does not have to stay with his partner nor does he owe his partner any further explanation," he added.
The man shared in the post that his ex-boyfriend had posted a picture of him to Instagram on his birthday. While his boyfriend was open about his sexuality, he kept the relationship semiprivate, leaving the post ambiguous but "obvious" to close observers.
After visiting his ex's dorm on a following night, the man was left alone with his ex's phone while he went to fetch friends. With Instagram already open on his unattended phone and a lingering gut feeling that he could not shake, the man scrolled through direct messages—and found flirtatious exchanges between this then-boyfriend and another man.
"My stomach dropped," he said. "The day he posted that story of us, the guy who he was flirting with slid up and asked him, 'Is that your boyfriend?' My boyfriend's response was 'no no no, that's just my friend from school.'"
Shocked, the Reddit user took screenshots and left before his then-boyfriend returned with friends.
"I wanted to confront him right then and there but I'm not a very confrontational person and you have to remember his friends were coming up," he said. "I turned my location off and went home."
An update followed after he processed the betrayal and read through thousands of comments.
"To the comments saying I'm wrong for going through his phone … I'm glad I did," the original poster said.
After initially ghosting his then-boyfriend, the poster later sent him a pointed list titled "things 'friends from school' don't do," including writing love letters and introducing each other to family.
When confronted about the messages, his ex's explanations grew increasingly strained. First, he claimed the man he was flirting with was like "family" and did not know he was gay. When that excuse faltered, the ex argued that he flirted to "get him out of my DMs," a rationale the man described as laughable.
The final excuse offered was that the flirting "didn't mean anything," suggesting the behavior was not serious enough to merit ending the relationship, but, by then, the damage was already done.
Thewes added that the betrayal likely felt even deeper to the 20-year-old because it occurred on a day intended to celebrate their bond.
"The man seems to feel more impact around this because it was his birthday and because he saw lying in his partner's flirtatious messages about their relationship status," the therapist said.
Viewers on Reddit have largely sympathized with the man for the emotional turmoil he was subjected to, with many praising his decision to end the relationship.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," one viewer said. "That sucks. I definitely think you should tell him that you found out that he's talking to someone else and that this is over for you and it's not going to work. If you're worried about him coming to your dorm, you can alert an RA [resident assistant] but I think you'll be fine."
"I am sorry this happened to you," another added. "I would just send him the pics of his messages with the other guy and then block him on everything. Don't let him try to explain or apologize or anything."
"It hurts a lot but also remember that he did a huge favor to you," a third reader commented. "You saw that early on and you didn't invest years into the relationship.
"You will come across a lot of trash that you need to weed out until you find the one that speaks to your heart and means it."
Newsweek reached out to u/mainelectrical8427 for more information via Reddit.
Stock photo: A seated young man looks upset while staring at a smartphone.
Stock photo: A seated young man looks upset while staring at a smartphone.
Getty Images
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