My lover lied to me about being married – so I agreed with his wife to set up trap
But I've been left feeling empty and deflated, and my faith in men is practically non-existent.
I'm 34, my lover is 38, and we met on a dating app three months ago.
From the moment we met up, our chemistry was electric, and it was hard for us to keep our hands off of each other.
He was everything I had ever dreamed of in a man: Caring, compassionate, funny and romantic.
I believed he was genuine, but looking back I can see I missed a lot of red flags.
We would always spend time in my house. He was barely ever free at weekends and he claimed he didn't have any social media.
I was so trusting, until one day I received a message from a woman I'd never heard of before.
It was then the crushing blow came — he was married with kids. Worse, I was his third affair. I couldn't believe it.
His wife wanted to set a trap to catch him in the act, and in a complete rage I decided to go along with it. I set up a date with him in a restaurant, and we both sat at the table waiting for him to arrive.
He was stunned, to say the least.
Since then, he's blocked my number and they've stayed together for the sake of the kids.
Dear Deidre on relationships, jealousy and envy
I feel so heartbroken, and I don't know what to do.
How could he do this to her? Or to me?
DEIDRE SAYS: This man played you, and there's no way you could have known.
While there were red flags, the fact you chose to see the best in him and put you faith in the relationship says everything about who you are.
It's understandable that this has hurt you deeply, but take this as a blessing in disguise.
Unfortunately, you'll probably never know what his motivations were, so instead of pondering over the why, focus on picking yourself back up and moving forward.
It can be difficult to be hopeful for future relationships after being deceived like this, but know that this is only one man, not all.
My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help you come to terms with what you're feeling.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
DNA SHOWS HE'S NOT MY BROTHER
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my brother and I decided to do a DNA test to find out about our ancestry, the last thing I expected to discover was that he's my uncle and not my sibling.
I can't understand why my parents kept this a secret from us, and they're not even here for us to ever find out. I'm 45, my 'brother' is 50, and we've always had an incredibly close relationship.
When the results came back that we were closely related but not brothers, I was perplexed.
Our grandparents and parents have passed away, so the only person I had left to speak to was my aunt. When I mentioned the results, she admitted that it was all kept under wraps, but my parents adopted my brother when my grandmother unexpectedly got pregnant later in life.
She was unable to care for him, and my mum refused to see him go into the childcare system and took over. I was gobsmacked, to say the least.
Ever since, I've been struggling to wrap my head around it. How could my parents keep this a secret from us for all those years?
All I want is answers, and I'm struggling trying to accept that I'll never get them. I really don't know how to feel.
DEIDRE SAYS: It's understandable you feel confused, this is a huge shock. Take your time to absorb the information and come to terms with it.
While you have every reason to feel hurt that your parents kept this from you, try to trust that they had their reasons. Perhaps they were worried about how your brother would react, or they didn't think it mattered. Whatever it is, it's likely you'll never know.
Your brother is probably going through a whirlwind of emotions right now as well, so confide in each other. No matter your biological status, it shouldn't change your relationship.
HAS SHIFTY BOYFRIEND GONE BACK TO DRUGS?
DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend swears he's not fallen back into his drug addiction, but I can't help but worry every time I see him walk through the door with a new mysterious package.
I'm 32, he's 34 and we've been together for six years. When we first met, he had quite an affinity for partying and doing drugs. He was out all the time, and even when he was at home, he was still dabbling in something.
It took us years of therapy and hard work for him to get clean. For the past two years he's completely reformed himself, and I've been so proud.
That was until I noticed the array of packages he's been receiving through the post. It seems like he gets a new one every few days, and it disappears before I can even investigate what's inside.
I've tried asking him about it, but he snaps at me and tells me it's none of my business. I know I might be jumping to conclusions, but I'm worried sick.
DEIDRE SAYS: If your partner is being secretive and keeping things from you, it's a normal reaction to worry – especially considering his past.
While he may not have relapsed, if you can't trust it, you need to have a serious conversation with him.
Find a quiet moment and be honest about your worries. Tell him it is your business, and you deserve to know.
Hopefully he can put your mind at ease, but if he can't, my support pack Drug Worries? will help.
WORRIED THAT SHE'S HAVING AFFAIR
DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING out about my wife's affair turned my entire world upside down – and now I'm worried sick that history is repeating itself.
I'm 42, she's 39 and we've been together for ten years.
A few years ago our relationship hit a really rough patch, and instead of working on things, my wife ran into the arms of another man.
I was in denial about her affair for months. The late nights in the office, weekends away with friends and last-minute work trips were a dead giveaway, but I didn't want to face the truth.
Ever since, we've tried so hard to fix things in our relationship, and I thought we were finally back on track.
But now the late nights at work have started again, and I'm already thinking the worst.
Will I ever get over this?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife broke the trust in your relationship, and it's going to take time for that to be repaired. It's understandable that you're worried she'll cheat again, and even if she isn't, it's highlighting the fact that you both still have things to work on.
Be honest with your wife and explain that you're still struggling to trust her. Allow her the opportunity to reassure you and help you resolve these feelings.
My support pack Cheating: Can You Get Over It? will help you navigate this.
Some couples counselling would be of help. Visit tavistockrelationships.org to find out more.
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