'Our love is frowned upon, but we push through': Navigating religion and relationships

Yahoo

4 days ago

It was love at first sight for Adarsh Ramchurn. "I couldn't control it," he says of his flourishing affection for Nav Sangha.
But their relationship is "frowned upon" by some in their communities, they say, as Adarsh is Hindu and Nav is Sikh.
They've been an item for three years and say they receive hateful comments on social media when posting about their life together.
They are also abused because Adarsh, 24, has a darker skin tone than Nav, a form of prejudice known as colourism.
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"We push through it," says Nav, 22. "There are also people who are very supportive and that are in similar situations."
Data compiled by YouGov in January suggests 45% of 18 to 24-year-olds in the UK believe there is a God, or believe there are Gods. The next highest figure, 36%, is for the over-65s.
BBC News spoke to Nav and Adarsh as well as a Christian from Married At First Sight (MAFS), a Muslim from The Only Way is Essex (Towie), and a former Jehovah's Witness for the Sex After documentary series.
During a discussion between the participants, Nav was asked what the hardest bit about being a Sikh was. "Probably getting the backlash of being with a Hindu," she said.
She and Ardash knew their interfaith relationship could be an issue for their parents, so spoke to them early.
"I know it's different for every family, there can be difficult dynamics," says Adarsh.
"But if you can have the open discussion [about] dating outside of your religion… I'd always say [you should]."
Something Adarsh's parents were quick to ask him about was marriage.
The couple say, if they were to wed, they would probably do a Sikh and a Hindu ceremony.
"If we have kids, I feel like it's important that they learn about both religions and faiths," Nav adds.
Adarsh agrees and says he's "looking forward to it".
Junaid Ahmed's parents were not as accommodating. His fear of being rejected by them took hold at a young age. Junaid knew being gay contravened the Islamic beliefs he and his family shared.
"When I did finally come out [aged 18], I did expect the worst and… [it] did happen," he tells us. "They threw me out; they disowned me."
He says he doesn't blame his parents for ostracising him.
"I genuinely don't - it's made me the person I am today."
Junaid, now aged 26 and a star of Towie, says he often gets abuse online from other Muslims because he is open about his sexual orientation, but "that [has] never changed my relationship with God".
He says he is grateful for his religious upbringing and still prays everyday.
Like Junaid, Martin Riley - who was brought up a Jehovah's Witness - was also ostracised by his family.
However, in his case, it was because a few years ago he was expelled from his religion completely, in a process called disfellowshipping.
For Riley, as he is known to his friends, this meant being shunned by other members of his congregation - including close friends and family.
His first marriage, which lasted 20 years, had broken down a few months before he was expelled.
He was a particularly strong believer and, while dating after he was expelled, he abided by the rule of not having sex before marriage.
It was only when Riley began dating the woman who is now his wife, that he began seriously considering whether he wanted to continue adhering to the religion that he'd been part of for 40 years. His wife is not a Jehovah's Witness.
"I realised that I did not want to have a future that didn't include her, whether that meant returning to the religion or not."
After having sex with her for the first time, which he describes as being, "like in the movies", he recalls: "I was actually surprised by how guiltless I felt about the whole thing."
Riley, 48, now considers himself an atheist.
Looking back at his expulsion from the religion aged 42, he says: "It was devastating for me, at the time. Now I think it is probably one of the best things to ever happen to me."
Unlike Riley, Sacha Jones did not grow up devoutly religious, but was baptised as a Christian last year after finding her faith. She has vowed to remain abstinent until she marries.
"I haven't slept with anyone since my baptism," she says. "So I'm fresh in the eyes of the Lord!"
Sacha, 30, also says the culture around dating today makes it difficult to form a long-term relationship.
Last year she participated in MAFS, but split up with her partner following the show.
"It's the absolute trenches out here in the dating world… it's difficult to trust a man anyway, but then to trust someone that doesn't fear God as well?"
She says she doesn't miss sex as much as she might do because she isn't dating anyone at the moment. She believes the wait will be worth it - once she's married.
"I no longer lack purpose or peace," says Sacha, who isn't the "party animal" she once was. "I'm happier than I've ever been."
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