'My Friend's Wedding Is Costing Me Thousands. How Do I Tell Her I Can't Afford It?'

Yahoo

07-06-2025

Grim news from Experian: in 2024, the company found that attending a wedding cost guests about £450 each, or an average of almost a fifth of their monthly income.
And given that Monzo says one-tenth of us went to eight weddings or more in 2023, it's easy to see how the costs stack up.
That's just a standard guest fee too: bridesmaids and groomsmen might have to fork out for pricey hen and stag 'dos, while destination weddings involve multiple-night hotel stays and sometimes even flights.
That was certainly the case for a Redditor posting to r/TwoHotTakes, who shared that she's considering cancelling on her friend's wedding given how expensive it's becoming.
So, we spoke to Jo Hayes, founder of Etiquette Expert, about how much is too much to ask of your guests financially.
At first, the original poster (OP) wrote, she was excited for her friend's engagement.
But then the costs crept up to the thousands.
The bride-to-be is planning a week-long luxury destination hen do and, OP says, expects the guests of the bridal shower she organised to wear a particular dress that they have to pay for.
The fiancée also specified the gifts she'd like to receive at her bridal shower, which are all expensive.
The poster, meanwhile, has a wedding of her own coming up and is in the process of buying a home with her partner.
In short, she says, the event is simply outside of her means – and while some commentators said her hopes that her friend will simply 'shut up' about her wedding were unfair, most agree she needs to opt out of at least some of the events.
Hayes told us that what's enraging at one wedding might be reasonable at another.
'Every wedding is different, with different socio-economic demographics at play,' she said.
'My advice to couples is to simply be 'self-aware' and surround yourself with a small number of wise, balanced, 'common sense' mentors,' she continued.
The etiquette expert also recommended sticking to the 'golden rule': do unto others as you'd have them do to you.
'Even if you're on £300K a year, consider the financial pressures facing your younger cousin, who's one of your bridesmaids... a newlywed with a husband still in college, with a joint income of £50K,' she advised.
'Asking her to fork out thousands on a fancy hen weekend, designer bridesmaid gown, and accessories is a bit much, and most reasonable people would say, 'not fair.''
Additionally, she said, 'kind, clear communication' about what you expect from your guests and bridal party upfront can help them to plan for costs and allows them to share if any part of your plans are financially unviable.
For truly close loved ones, she said, compromises ought to be reached.
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