Divorce attorneys share the 3 questions you should ask your partner before you tie the knot
Throughout a marriage, "you have to talk about stuff," says Parima Pandkhou, divorce attorney and Wasser's colleague at Wasser, Cooperman & Mandles. "If you sweep it under the rug, it just gets bigger and bigger."
And it helps to build that habit of open communication before you sign a marriage license.
To get started, Pandkhou and divorce and family law attorney Padideh Jafari recommend bringing up these three questions before you tie the knot.
"Finances is still one of the top three reasons why people get divorced," Jafari says. So, it's important to address that early on.
"You should be asking, what is your credit score? Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? Do you have credit card debt?" she says.
Student loan debt, budgeting, shared goals like buying a home are also important to bring up. Anything to do with your financial life, past, present and future is worth discussing as it will surely come up in the marriage.
"These are all very uncomfortable and heavy issues," Pandkhou says. "But once you talk about it and get it out of the way, it really dispels a lot of fear and insecurity that might come up."
"I'm a little bit old school," Jafari says. "So, I still think you should ask about religion."
If your spiritual practice is important to you, you want to make sure your partner respects that part of your life. That's especially true if you plan to have kids and want to get aligned on how to raise them.
"What if they don't believe in baptism?" she says. "That is going to become a problem, right?"
Before you get married, ask your partner if religion is important to them and how they would want to implement it if you choose to have kids down the line.
A prenuptial agreement, or prenup, is a contract couples sign before marriage that stipulates how assets, debts and spousal support will be handled in case of divorce or death.
"Even if it's just to say what I have coming into the marriage is my separate property and here's what it is, it allows the parties to get the discussion going and make a full financial disclosure to each other," Pandkhou says.
That can take the pressure off if they decide to split up and might even give the couple a sense of security about the assets they each brought into the marriage individually.
Pandkhou suggests asking "do we want to have a prenup?" or "should we have a prenup?"
If you want to set yourself up for a strong marriage, "you have to have discussions." Jafari says. "Even really hard discussions."
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