Why arbitrary-versary might be killing the romance in your relationship
It is, what people are calling - an arbitrary-versary, or simply, the 'arbitrary anniversary', a made-up date that celebrates mildly memorable things. View this post on Instagram A post shared by dani (@dani__brennan)This term was coined by Laura Boyle, a polyamory expert, who believes that these bizarre or wacky anniversaries are 'just a fun excuse to mark the passage of time with someone you love and intend to spend more time with.' Whether it's silly, sweet, or straight-up random, the point is that you are choosing to honour it together. And hey, it doesn't even have to be your actual anniversary. Arbitrariness at its peak!Too arbitrary?advertisementIn her blog post, Boyle talks about celebrating random dates in a romantic relationship because, sometimes, life just happens, and you either forget or can't celebrate it properly. Citing an example, she writes in her post, 'I'm the partner who knows it's not our actual anniversary but will send you a 'happy anniversary of our first kiss! ''. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Alex Blue Davis (@alexbluedavis)Sweet as it may sound, but are these mini-celebrations simply a cute way to connect, or are we actually complicating things more? This brings us back to the question: Is remembering anniversaries even necessary?The answer? Not really.Relationship experts believe that remembering an anniversary isn't strictly necessary. What is of more importance is genuine care, attention and understanding.For some couples, marking specific dates, whether traditional milestones or random moments, feels heartfelt and strengthens their bond. On the other hand, for others, rigidly tracking dates can feel more like a chore than make them happy.'If you consistently show up for your partner, listen actively, offer support, and share quality time, then the exact date holds less weight. Instead of focusing on remembering 'the day,' prioritise ongoing gestures of appreciation,' says Dr Chandni Tungait, psychotherapist and founder-director of Gateway of Healing.Does it (un)complicate things?These light-hearted celebrations are meant to take the pressure off. Even if you forget a formal anniversary, you can still toast to a fun memory. It probably helps you catch your feelings while you're busy catching deadlines. In the end, it's all about keeping the spark alive.According to Dr Tungait, these micro-rituals train your nervous system to associate each other with comfort, enhancing emotional co-regulation during stress.'Arbitrary anniversaries serve as deliberate 'positivity anchors' in memory; each reminder nudges your attention back to joyful, inconsequential events, helping to counterbalance conflict or frustration. They build a private language too - phrases like 'Late-Night Subway Laughs' become shortcuts to warmth, making it easier to reconnect even in chaotic times', she adds.There's a butWhile it may seem all rosy, it is no fix-it-all hack, and experts agree.Why? Because let's be real, if you already struggle to remember birthdays or your parents' anniversaries, adding more events to your calendar might be stressful. Worse, if it becomes performative, the spontaneous affection might get lost under all that pressure.advertisementIf one partner requires such constant reminders to feel secure, it might point to some deeper trust or intimacy issues. And then, it's not much of a celebration, it's a crutch.So, what's the solution?Arbitrary anniversaries work best when they arise organically and remain low-pressure. They should complement, not replace, honest communication, emotional vulnerability, and consistent effort.When used thoughtfully, these small celebrations enrich a relationship without creating dependency or masking deeper issues. Because the 'G' in gestures need not stand for 'grand' every time. It's about the joys in little moments.'Avoid turning every moment into a calendar event. Balance is key - choose a few genuinely meaningful, fun moments to celebrate as reminders of your bond,' Dr Tungait concludes.
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India Today
15 minutes ago
- India Today
India's Stray Romance: Love, lies, rabies, solutions
India's love for its stray animals is the stuff of mushy stories, and the entire country is the theatre of this romance. Picture this: a cow, swarmed by flies, covered in mud, munches serenely on a plastic bag in the middle of a traffic jam while motorists chant 'gau mata ki jai' and drive past. Down the same road, a dozen dogs tear at garbage, fighting over bones tossed by a kind-hearted samaritan who will later tweet #BeKind, and post lugubrious in this drama laced with emotion, apathy plays the lead role, leaving the strays where they are, free to multiply and die. Compassion, though ready to burst through, always remains on the leash, or on social media.A Theatre of HypocrisyTake the cow, India's divine mother. Five million strays, per the 2019 livestock census. These aren't refugees from across the border—95 per cent belong to dairy farmers who let them roam, grazing on urban trash to cut feed costs, then milk them for profit. It's the ultimate hustle: zero fodder costs, maximum spiritual clout. The outcome: bellies full of plastic, intestines blocked, and streets choked with dung. Solution? Everyone shrugs: it's every Indian's mother, the other children will the dogs. Sixty million strays, the world's highest. That's nearly a medium-sized European country roaming on four legs. The math is simple: For a population of 1.4 billion it is just .042 dogs per head, or 1 dog per 23 numbers bite harder than they bark: 3.7 million annual dog bites; 36% of the world's rabies deaths belong to India; one child dies every four hours. Delhi alone, mid-2025: 35,198 bites, 49 deaths. The love here is lethal—the more we feed, the more they Without ResponsibilityIndia's animal policy is a circus where outrage is the headline act and accountability never shows up. Politicians milk cow bhakti into votes, urban elites turn dog rescues into Instagram content, and municipalities treat animal control like pothole repair—stuffed into last year's result? Both cows and dogs suffer, humans pay the price, and the 'mushy story' of India's love for strays ends in a tragicomic Supreme Court's 2025 plan to relocate Delhi's 1 million dogs has led to pan-India outrage, howls of 'genocide.' Concern for canines is justified–-dogs can't be herded in shelters that could turn into Auschwitz camps of death and decay. They deserve empathy, care and the right to rage without responsibility is a street dog chasing its own tail, or a cow mata arranging her own dinner—lots of noise, zero Power of CompoundingOne unsterilised female dog, producing two litters per year for six years, could result in thousands of descendants, assuming 6 puppies per litter, 80% survival rate, and subsequent generations reproducing at the same rate starting at age doesn't have to be this way. Eradicating polio was once called impossible. But vaccines, mass campaigns, and accountability deadlines made it possible. Stray management needs the same ruthlessness:Policy, Not PietyWant a fix? Here are a few cows: Mandatory registration of all cattle; fines and seizures if they're abandoned. Subsidised gaushalas tied to digital tracking of herd sizes. Fund them through a cow cess that actually goes to barns, not to politicians' barns of dogs: Mass sterilisation and vaccination drives—with GPS tagging, community volunteers, and strict completion targets. A District Dog Board with annual audits and penalties for officials who fudge data. Zero tracking = zero both: A 'Stray Animal Authority of India' with investigative powers, a fixed national roadmap, and reports every six months. Performance-linked funding, just as with Swachh it like the polio menace that we eradicated—rope in vets, NGOs and health workers. Run awareness the FixWhere's the money? 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Time of India
5 hours ago
- Time of India
Marketing to a lonely planet
Remember, Airtel's 'har ek friend zaroori hota hai' . Or Bagpiper's 'jab mil baithenge teen yaar…' that celebrated the unbreakable bonds of friendship . Once considered an impregnable fortress, that castle called friendship is under threat as a "friendship recession" hits the world. In an increasingly interconnected world, a silent epidemic is taking root, threatening the very fabric of human well-being; a profound decline in close personal relationships. A recently released report by Rediffusion Consumer Lab shed light on this global phenomenon, revealing a stark reality that extends from bustling American cities to communities across India and beyond. The data paints a concerning picture. In the United States, the percentage of adults reporting no close friends has quadrupled since 1990, now standing at a striking 12 per cent. Even more dramatically, the time Americans dedicate to friendships has plummeted from a weekly average of 6.5 hours between 2003-2014, to a mere 2.75 hours by 2021. This isn't an isolated American trend. The report emphasises it as a widespread global issue affecting both developed and developing nations. The causes of this decline are multifaceted, woven into the fabric of modern life. Urban sprawl, the rise of remote work, and the shrinking of public spaces where casual interactions once thrived, all contribute to this downfall. Perhaps most notably, the seductive convenience of digital communication and the pervasive influence of social media platforms like doomscrolling on Instagram and TikTok play a significant role too. While these platforms offer an illusion of widespread connection, the report suggests they often foster "shallow" ties rather than the deep, intimate bonds essential for human flourishing. Only a small percentage of close friendships are formed purely online, indicating that virtual connections rarely replace the quality of face-to-face interactions. Santosh Desai, chief executive officer of Futurebrands and founder of Think 9 Consumer Technologies says, 'Friendship has become more complex. There is a certain expectation that you have from friends, and when you mix these two things –friendship which has a dynamic of its own and then the social media where that friendship gets presented– it complicates things because it introduces an element, which for the lack of a better word can be called, political, where you have to figure out what does that person think about me.' Desai adds that this is the reason why one often finds a lot of young people using therapy speak, like 'red flag', 'toxic' and so on. The result: friendship from being a place that was simple and uncomplicated is now a complex web, to put it mildly. 'There was a time, where one could be themselves, let their head down and was a counter point to the complexity of adult society where you are expected to play roles. That is no longer as easy,' Desai sums it up. Given this backdrop, would an ad like Airtel's Har Ek Friend work in today's context? Airtel Har Friend Zaroori Hai, Yaar Veteran creative director Agnello Dias , who was associated with the creation of the Airtel ad, more than 14 years ago, states, 'I'm not entirely sure if we are in an era of superficial relationships." He partly concedes that while the essence of friendships may be diluted, it continues to be relevant, "not necessarily because people like the ad, but because people continue to like their friends". The Rediffusion Consumer Lab study, however states, this "friendship recession" is far more than a social statistic; it carries significant consequences for mental and physical health. Social scientist Richard Reeves starkly warns that "loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day," a comparison that underscores the severe health implications of lacking meaningful connections. The absence of close friends is linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, and even a heightened risk of premature mortality, rivaling the dangers of smoking or obesity. Sandeep Goyal , managing director, Rediffusion, feels that this presents an opportunity for brands to foster community and engagement by leveraging closed communities or forums to encourage discussions and build a sense of belonging using social media effectively. 'One should encourage customers to share their experiences, promoting authenticity and social proof or use polls, Q&A sessions, or contests to engage audiences and stimulate conversations,' he says. The report also delves into the nuances of friendship across genders and cultures. 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News18
a day ago
- News18
‘Maid Service Not For Kids: Premanand Maharaj's Advice Sparks Discussion On Rising Prices
Last Updated: Premanand Maharaj's advice on parenting sparked debate online, with one user saying that in today's world, 'working parents is not a choice but a requirement to run the family.' A recent clip of spiritual leader Premanand Maharaj, shared on Instagram, has sparked a conversation on parenting, priorities and the challenges of balancing work and bringing up a child. The video begins with a father expressing his concerns. He says, 'We have a two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, and since we are unable to give enough time to her upbringing, there is a constant worry, especially in the new job." Responding to the concerned parent, Premanand Maharaj emphasised the value of spending quality time with children over merely earning money. 'If we are earning money for someone but cannot give them our time, then what is the use of that money?" he said, urging parents to prioritise love and attention. He explained that while earning less might seem like a sacrifice, providing guidance, affection, and moral support to children is far more rewarding. Maharaj also highlighted that this is a common issue affecting many families. 'Children need a mother's love, not the service of a maid," he stated, stressing that parental care cannot be outsourced. While he did not suggest abandoning careers, he encouraged parents to make conscious efforts to nurture their children. He warned about the long-term consequences of neglecting emotional bonds. 'If you don't give love to your children today, then tomorrow, when they grow into their own selves, they won't give you love in return. As they grow older and wiser, if they don't receive warmth and affection from you, they won't feel connected to you either." Maharaj concluded with a broader perspective on life, noting, 'Then, when you reach old age, if you wish to receive love, you won't get it on time. According to me money isn't everything." Watch the clip here: The clip resonated with many users, leading to an array of responses. One wrote, 'Working parents is not a choice but a requirement today to run the family." Others highlighted the importance of personal management and balance. A comment, translated from Hindi, read, 'Guru ji, it's not that working women don't give love or time to their children. I am also a working woman, and I give my children love and time properly while also doing my job. Whether you are working or non-working depends on how you manage yourself." Some also praised the guru's emphasis on parental responsibility. One user noted, 'Both parents have responsibilities, and both are important. If you treat your child as both a child and a friend, they will eventually share everything in their life with the parents." Another comments read, 'In the form of Guru ji, God has shown the true meaning of being parents. He emphasised the importance of guiding children with love and values. Yet, people often complain that children today lack proper upbringing." Premanand Maharaj's advice has reignited discussions around parenting in modern India, particularly as families grapple with rising costs, demanding jobs and the increasing reliance on domestic help. His message highlights the value of time, affection and presence in nurturing children, reminding parents that financial stability, while important, cannot replace the warmth of parental love. About the Author Buzz Staff A team of writers at bring you stories on what's creating the buzz on the Internet while exploring science, cricket, tech, gender, Bollywood, and culture. First Published: August 19, 2025, 14:16 IST Disclaimer: Comments reflect users' views, not News18's. Please keep discussions respectful and constructive. Abusive, defamatory, or illegal comments will be removed. News18 may disable any comment at its discretion. By posting, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Loading comments...
