Gen Z ditches traditional dating rules not to just ‘go through the motions'

New York Post

a day ago

Dating's latest trend? Total anarchy — and not in the punk rock way.
A new report from the sex-positive app Feeld and educator Ruby Rare found that a growing number of Gen Zers are opting out of traditional relationship models and into something called 'relationship anarchy' — and one in five may be practicing it without even realizing.
Coined in 2006 by Swedish writer Andie Nordgren, relationship anarchy — or RA — is a radical, anti-hierarchical, anti-capitalist take on love and connection.
As Nordgren noted in her manifesto, it 'questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple.'
In other words, why should romance get top billing when your BFF, roommate or creative collaborator might fulfill your soul more than a spouse?
'It's a relationship style that is founded on politically anarchic principles. It takes being intentional,' Rare explained in the study.
'You have to examine the relationships you currently have in your life, and reflect and deep dive. Are you just going through the motions?'
Feeld's findings show RA devotees report feeling less lonely and more supported — but it's not all communal bliss and pillow talk.
Feeld's findings say RA fans feel less lonely and more backed up — but it's not all group hugs and sweet nothings.
Alberto – stock.adobe.com
'It's challenging to figure out what your boundaries are,' Rare said. 'But I don't think relationship building should be about shying away from challenge.'
Instead of prioritizing sexual exclusivity or 'Disney fairy-tale romance,' RA promotes mutual care across all connections — romantic or not.
'Everyone is taught the rules at a young age: One person in your life is meant to be your everything,' Sam, a 33-year-old gender-fluid music licensing administrator, told Wired in a recent interview.
People would feel more fulfilled in their relationships 'if they were able to prioritize others based on what they actually wanted versus what they believe is expected of them.'
Forget fairy tales — RA ditches monogamy for a mix-and-match lovefest built on mutual care, whether it's with a partner, pal or podcast co-host.
Pixel-Shot – stock.adobe.com
The goal? Freedom, not perfection.
'A lot of people will tell me, 'Oh, I wish I could be polyamorous or a relationship anarchist, but I just get too jealous,'' Lavvynder said. 'And it's like, well, I get jealous too… It's really f—king hard, actually.'
Still, many say it's worth the mess.
As Rare puts it: 'Human connection is inherently messy. The better we are at embracing that, the better we are at enjoying our lives.'
And for a rising number of romantics, relationship anarchy might just be the escape route.
Polyamory — and its close cousin, relationship anarchy — may not just be about love and liberation. It can also be practical.