‘Maa and Naseer had a more rocky relationship': When Ratna Pathak Shah recalled her family's disapproval of her marriage to Naseeruddin Shah and the key to their lasting relationship

Indian Express

23-04-2025

Marriage often brings together not just two individuals but also their families, cultures, and beliefs.
Actor Ratna Pathak Shah shared how her family initially disapproved of her marriage to Naseeruddin Shah, while his family was more accepting. In an interview with Hauterrfly, she recalled, 'My dad was not entirely happy, but unfortunately, he passed away before we got married. Maa and Naseer had a more rocky relationship, but they settled also and eventually became friends.'
She continued, 'Naseer's family surprisingly didn't make a fuss at all. Not once did anybody ever even mention the 'C' word, convert. Nobody said anything about me. They just accepted me for what I am. I'm very, very lucky because I've heard of people who have trouble settling down.'
Ratna also reflected on the dynamics of their marriage. She said, 'Just listen to each other, man. Actually talk to each other. I respect him and his struggles very much more than my own because I got it easy. Naseer comes from a very traditional, particular kind of background.'
Reflecting on the secrets of a successful marriage, she said, 'Naseer said to me very early on in our relationship that it's a good idea never to label a relationship, husband, wife, lover, girlfriend, boyfriend. Why label if you can just keep yourself more at the level of human beings, interact.'
Her insights shed light on how relationships evolve over time and the key factors that contribute to a strong partnership.
How to navigate family disapproval without deepening divisions
Family disapproval can create emotional stress, not just within the family but also between partners. Jai Arora, counselling psychologist and co-founder at Kirana Counselling, tells indianexpress.com, ' Family disapproval can trigger deep emotional and attachment wounds. This can create stress not just within the family, but in the couple subsystem as well, as partners may polarise — one defending the family while the other defends the relationship.'
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Healthy communication is key. 'The core idea while navigating such stuck points is to turn the conversation away from jibes, criticism, assumptions, and expectations towards a conversation about values, vulnerability, and individual as well as family needs,' he explains. Strong couples co-regulate, validate each other's emotions, and create unity despite external pressures.
Can rejecting traditional gender roles improve marital satisfaction?
Breaking away from traditional gender roles in marriage can be liberating, but if not managed well, it may lead to challenges. 'Rejecting traditional gender roles can lead to more marital chaos if it were to exist in isolation without strong communication about one's needs, wants, boundaries, and expectations,' says Arora. While roles exist for equitable distribution of tasks, sudden rejection of predefined roles without discussion can disrupt the household dynamic.
The solution? 'Clear communication, first within the couple and then with the family,' he advises. When done well, this strengthens emotional bonds and builds trust, ultimately enhancing marital satisfaction.
Does avoiding labels in a relationship help or hurt?
Arora explains, 'According to Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, secure bonds thrive on clear emotional engagement and mutual responsiveness. If the lack of labels becomes a way to avoid emotional vulnerability or commitment, it can erode trust.'
However, for some, avoiding labels can be freeing. 'Labels can be liberating and can aid the person to explore and experience their sense of individuality and the process of being with someone,' he says.
Ultimately, it comes down to intent. 'It boils down to the intention of the individual and what they hope to gain from the dynamic,' Arora notes.