The tragedy of Raseena and other women who continue to be policed by men

Indian Express

23-06-2025

On National Reading Day (June 19), social media handles of several publishers and book lovers came alive, and readers discussed their favourite books, authors, quotes and more.
One post by a publisher asking readers to talk about their favourite book in one line caught my eye. Comments from several women/girls, as they wrote about the books that most resonated with them, went like this: 'The book that spoke my inner voice… the woman that wore the sun', 'the book that taught me how women break the cages and fly high', 'the book that inspired me to travel', 'the one that made me love myself', 'the book that empowered the woman in me', 'the one that inspires to move on, taking on the challenges in a woman's life', 'the one that compares a woman to a bird', 'the one that made me understand myself.' And so on.
Cut to a rather disturbing piece of news that came out the same day. A 40-year-old woman — mother of three minor children — in Kerala's Kannur district allegedly died by suicide after she was publicly shamed by a group of men for 'talking to a male friend'. The woman, Raseena, left a note saying she was taking the extreme step due to the humiliation of the experience.
According to police, she was insulted in front of her family by self-styled moral vigilantes who also subjected her male friend to a mob trial, besides snatching his gadgets. Three men, allegedly belonging to the Social Democratic Party of India (SDPI) — the political wing of the outlawed right-wing Popular Front of India — were arrested in connection with the incident.
Back to the social media comments on National Reading Day: Several women who picked young writer Nimna Vijay's Ettavum Priyappetta Ennodu (To My Dearest, Myself) said it helped them love themselves. Add this to the several other comments mentioned earlier. Why do such books still inspire women in the 21st century?
The answer lies in moral strictures imposed on women to this day, the kind that resulted in the death of Raseena in Kannur. Women are eager to break these shackles and be rebellious. They want to spread their wings because their 'normal' is the opposite of free. They are policed by a society that does not allow them to be themselves or love themselves. After much struggle, some give up. Some become tougher, prepared for much more vicious battles. Very few are lucky to have a robust support system.
Women are expected to be pillars of the home, taking care of their families without ever faltering, without ever talking about it. They are expected to make everyone happy at home, but if they try to find any happiness for themselves, they are branded immoral and are humiliated or ostracised.
When it comes to policing women, there is no dearth of vigilantes. After the gang rape of a 23-year-old woman in Delhi in 2012 which triggered nationwide outrage, the accused showed no remorse. One of them even remarked that a 'girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy'.
Women are to be 'taught a lesson' if they put up even the most feeble resistance. And rebellion is to be 'nipped in the bud', such as when they try to be independent or have friends of their choice, gain some confidence and take on life with a smile.
Here's a request to self-styled moral policemen. If a woman knows how to take care of everyone in the family — and the extended family — and raise her children, she knows how to take care of herself as well. You don't have to 'help' her to be 'morally right'. It is far better to divert your energy towards empowering your daughters and teaching your sons to live with and celebrate empowered women.
Rest in peace, Raseena.
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