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Don't buy your kids a phone. Buy them a watch.

Boston Globe

4 days ago

Boston Globe

Don't buy your kids a phone. Buy them a watch.

Write to us at . To subscribe, . TODAY'S STARTING POINT I knew they were arguing about something when they got off the bus, and my older son, who was finishing his second year of high school, came through the door first complaining about how his little brother and his sixth-grade buddies never shut up on the bus. That's when my 12-year-old burst in the door, about to get an 'Amen!' from me. 'It's because we're the only ones who don't have phones!' The Massachusetts Senate wants to make that everyone . The lawmakers recently When my younger son finished elementary school, for a graduation gift we surprised him with a watch, an Apple SE, the cheapest of the Apple watches, because it checked every box you'd want and none you wouldn't. For kids. And probably for adults. Advertisement His crew of buddies received the same exact gift, and what's very weird, and perhaps not surprising, is that the parents hadn't coordinated. It just makes that much sense for a first mobile device. The market for smart watches is already at Advertisement The cellular model of the watch doesn't have to be paired with a phone, and has its own number along with its own plan, which is just $10 a month. (Other brands include Which is the amount of time the average American spends on their phone each day, My 12-year-old remains at zero, and I wish I could join him. For the second straight summer I've watched him get up every day, curl up on the couch, and then speak into his wrist like Buck Rogers. Does anyone want to go fishing? Or play soccer at the school? Let's do something. After breakfast, he disappears on his bike, and will check in with odd questions and requests, coming in and out of the house with other kids with watches. At some point his older brother will emerge to flop onto the couch and disappear into his phone. Advertisement He got his phone for Christmas in eighth grade, which is on the late side. But it didn't take but a moment for him to start using it way too much, just like everyone else. The Massachusetts bill would ban phones from 'bell to bell,' and the hope is that it will lead to improvements in mental health and the social lives of the students, and limit the endless distraction of the world's most influential device begging to be played with. The bill has support from Governor Healey and the state's two largest teachers unions, but it is unclear when the House will take up the matter. Some opponents have listed safety concerns in case of emergency, and say that a ban would deprive schools of the chance to teach students how to become responsible about screen time. That seems like wishful thinking. But this is not: If the House passes the bill, which cruised through the Senate 38-2, it will go into effect for the 2026-2027 school year, and my younger son will graduate from high school without spending a single day in school with a phone to distract him. And his brother will sound like we do when we look back on the days before helmets and seatbelts. He'll talk about being the last generation to spend all day screwing around on his phone, before we realized how antisocial — and harmful — that could be. 🧩 5 Down: 78° Advertisement POINTS OF INTEREST Garrett Crochet (left), Trevor Story (center), and Greg Weissert model some of Paul Procopio's creations. Tim Healey/Globe Staff Cannabis Control Commission: A state audit of the agency that regulates Massachusetts' marijuana industry found Market Basket: A judge granted the grocery chain's request for a restraining order against two fired executives who are allies of its suspended CEO, Language arts: Boston Public Schools are Tough start: Braintree lost its first Little League World Series game in Threatening: Video appears to show a man Storied shirts: This lifelong Red Sox fan has become the source for the team's RFK Jr.: Trump's health secretary is hostile toward the mRNA technology underpinning Covid vaccines, chilling investment in experimental therapies 'Fear everywhere': ICE has focused more on Worcester and Boston so far, but fears of arrest and deportation Arrested: The man who Artificial intelligence: Meta let its AI chatbots have 'romantic or sensual' conversations with kids. Lawmakers pledged to investigate. ( Advertisement VIEWPOINTS Call it antisocial media: Platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram were meant to foster connection. Instead, A D.C. debate: The capital city's BESIDE THE POINT By Teresa Hanafin 🏟️ Jarren Duran lookalikes: If you think you resemble the Red Sox outfielder, show up on the Big Concourse at Fenway (Gate C) at 1:30 p.m. Saturday (you must have a ticket to that game). 🐶 Take one, leave one: At Little Fresh Pond Dog Beach in Cambridge, your canine companion can participate in 🏖️ Same vibe: Obsessed with the Prime Video series 'The Summer I Turned Pretty'? Here are 💿 Quiet summer: No up-tempo, catchy, season-defining hit has emerged as the 2025 song of summer. 📺 Weekend streams: 'Butterfly' on Prime Video, 'Night Always Comes' on Netflix, 'The Legend of Ochi' on HBO Max, and 💘 Blind date: They both enjoy board games, among other things. Will one of them 🔑 Tourist tales: Keys dropped in toilets, shockingly unprepared travelers, missing kids. Here are some wild stories from Advertisement Thanks for reading Starting Point. This newsletter was edited by ❓ Have a question for the team? Email us at ✍🏼 If someone sent you this newsletter, you can 📬 Delivered Monday through Friday. Billy Baker can be reached at

'I love men in their 40s, what can I say?': Women on the appeal (and red flags) of age-gap relationships

Yahoo

4 days ago

Yahoo

'I love men in their 40s, what can I say?': Women on the appeal (and red flags) of age-gap relationships

Dating someone decades older is controversial. Some are up to the challenge. Olive is taking a break from dating for the first time in her adult life. The 29-year-old went through a breakup a few months ago and needs some time to regroup. 'We dated for eight months and it was a fun mess,' Olive — who, along with other women interviewed by Yahoo, asked not to share her last name for privacy reasons — says of her last relationship. The former couple first matched on Tinder 10 years ago, when she was 19, but didn't begin dating until they bumped into each other last summer. Olive's ex is 12 years older than her — but he's also the youngest man she's ever dated. The idea of dating someone older, particularly when it comes to younger women dating older men, has long been contentious. But recently, the term 'age-gap relationship' has lit social media on fire, with Google searches reaching a peak last month and posts from people in so-called May-December romances racking up millions of views. Olive hasn't been following the discourse closely, but she's peripherally aware of the surging interest in age-gap relationships. But as someone who has always dated older guys, she thinks the reality is much more nuanced than the controversy surrounding them suggests. 'I've been dating older men since I started dating, and it just kind of became my unspoken brand,' Olive says. 'My friends and family expect it from me, and nobody has really questioned me about it. I have a strong personality, and I can hold my own. I've had to be independent and responsible since I was young, and I don't think a lot of people in my life worry about my choices.' What's the appeal, and what stops others from dating anyone they deem too old (or too young)? Here, women sound off on dating, power struggles and the ages they consider when scrolling the apps. 'A power imbalance' Age-gap relationships typically come under scrutiny for lots of reasons. At best, you have nothing in common. At worst, critics point to the dangers of manipulation, abuse or sexual grooming involving vulnerable young people under the age of consent. Having been in an age-gap relationship herself, 28-year-old Christine now sees any such situation involving a person under the age of 25 as a red flag. Christine was 24 when she dated a man in his 40s for a few months, and she found the dynamic to be increasingly strange. 'I asked, 'Who's the [youngest] person you've ever dated?' He said 23. But then his answer changed to 'a mature 18.' And that red-flagged me.' The lie made her feel misled, and she says the experience impacted her perspective on young people dating someone significantly older. (She also made a point of dating someone her exact age for her next relationship.) 'My theory is that the age gap matters less the older you get,' Christine says. 'But age-gap relationships when you don't have a fully formed frontal lobe — like your long-term cognitive reasoning hasn't chipped in yet — create a power imbalance.' People who have a pattern of dating people several years their junior also make her wary. 'If you can't date people your own age, there is a problem,' she says. 'If you have to have a certain amount of years on someone in order to find 'love,' maybe you're not looking for love.' Olive says she also asks men early on how young they typically date, which helps her assess when a situation feels inappropriate. But usually she doesn't face a lot of criticism for her romantic life. Living in a place like New York City often means that she isn't given any strange looks on the street when out with an older love interest. But that's not to say there hasn't been any judgment. 'I feel like I've experienced the most judgment from women a similar age to who I've been dating,' Olive says. 'And it's not out of concern for me or my well-being.' Grace, 30, is currently in a relationship with Kelly, 23. She tells Yahoo that she did feel judged by her friends at first for dating a woman who is so much younger — that is, until they saw the couple interacting. 'I am actually the more emotionally 'younger' one,' Grace explains. 'My younger partner wears the pants in the relationship, and I make sure it is set that way since I am hyperaware, subconsciously or not, that I am the older one.' She thinks that issues in an age-gap relationship arise when the younger partner isn't aware of the power dynamics and hierarchy that can occur when there is a difference. Early on in her relationship, Grace made sure to address the age difference, which helped dispel any discomfort. But she sees that being more of a consideration in lesbian relationships like her own. 'Men don't think about this,' Grace says. Olive agrees that dating someone significantly older comes with a power imbalance, but it's one she's equipped to handle. 'You have to be extremely aware, self-embodied, smart, understand the power dynamics, advocate for yourself and have control of what's going on,' she says. 'I think a lot of people can get swept up in the fantasy of an established man who has a nice house and pays for everything and will take care of you. But you have to be an active participant in the relationship and be fighting to have an equitable power dynamic.' A no-go Tanya, 33, hasn't been in a relationship with anyone more than three or four years apart in age from her, which she doesn't really consider an age gap. Her dating app filters have more range, however; she's open to meeting anyone between 30 and 43. Like Christine, she considers anyone under 25 a hard pass. 'That's a very young, mostly uncooked brain,' she says. 'We all think we're so mature and capable of so much at that age, and now that we're older, we realize, Oh, no, that was just the usual 20s arrogance and disillusionment.' Kanika, 27, thinks that a lot of the hand-wringing around people in age-gap relationships is overblown, so long as both parties are above the age of consent. 'I think age-gap relationships are pretty normal in everyday life,' she says. 'Lots of people have an eight-year distance between them and their partner and acknowledge that.' Kanika's last situationship was a year younger than her, but she typically dates people marginally older — usually men between the ages of 30 and 41 (her dating profile is currently set between 26 and 41). 'Even though men tend to be idiots regardless of their age, [older men] at least know what a date should be, aka asking me out properly and getting to the point,' she says. Sharon, 26, prefers to date someone her own age. 'I just think being in a relationship with a large age gap basically takes away what I think is the best part of being with someone, which is going through life and figuring things out together as a joint effort,' she says. Facing the future That's something that Olive has struggled with. On the one hand, being with older men has allowed her to experience some of the life milestones she sees in her future — things like raising kids, owning property and having financial security. Prior to her last relationship, she spent four years with a man 20 years older than her. 'He had two kids and was very freshly separated from his wife of 10 years,' she says. 'During COVID, having a giant apartment to go to was quite the respite. Not having to think about paying for anything we did together. He had a car. It all felt very indulgent. And [because he was] a parent, he was so, so patient with me, and I was able to work through a lot of personal developments and grow a lot as a partner.' But he wasn't able to prioritize Olive over his ex, and she felt as though she was constantly fighting to be included more in his life. She enjoyed spending time with his children and felt shut out whenever she was barred from going to basketball games, dance recitals or birthday parties. Their mother refused to acknowledge Olive's existence. 'It often felt like I was hiding or in secret — I termed it 'mistress mode' in our relationship,' she says. Ultimately, the relationship ended when he agreed to move to another country with his ex-wife without telling her. 'That was just the universe's last kick in the butt for me to get out of there.' Despite that experience, Olive says she doesn't feel as cherished by a man her own age. She'd rather not date someone less settled — a guy with roommates, say, or anyone she has to 'teach ... everything.' At the same time, she knows that younger guys might be more willing to go through important life milestones alongside her, which is why she's been making an active effort to 'close the gap.' It's been a struggle, since she still finds herself swiping left on everyone whenever she lowers her age range on dating apps. 'I love men in their 40s, what can I say?' she laughs. 'But I want kids, so I have been trying to date younger.'

Yahoo

6 days ago

Yahoo

'I love men in their 40s, what can I say?': Women on the appeal (and red flags) of age-gap relationships

Dating someone decades older is controversial. Some are up to the challenge. Olive is taking a break from dating for the first time in her adult life. The 29-year-old went through a breakup a few months ago and needs some time to regroup. 'We dated for eight months and it was a fun mess,' Olive — who, along with other women interviewed by Yahoo, asked not to share her last name for privacy reasons — says of her last relationship. The former couple first matched on Tinder 10 years ago, when she was 19, but didn't begin dating until they bumped into each other last summer. Olive's ex is 12 years older than her — but he's also the youngest man she's ever dated. The idea of dating someone older, particularly when it comes to younger women dating older men, has long been contentious. But recently, the term 'age-gap relationship' has lit social media on fire, with Google searches reaching a peak last month and posts from people in so-called May-December romances racking up millions of views. Olive hasn't been following the discourse closely, but she's peripherally aware of the surging interest in age-gap relationships. But as someone who has always dated older guys, she thinks the reality is much more nuanced than the controversy surrounding them suggests. 'I've been dating older men since I started dating, and it just kind of became my unspoken brand,' Olive says. 'My friends and family expect it from me, and nobody has really questioned me about it. I have a strong personality, and I can hold my own. I've had to be independent and responsible since I was young, and I don't think a lot of people in my life worry about my choices.' What's the appeal, and what stops others from dating anyone they deem too old (or too young)? Here, women sound off on dating, power struggles and the ages they consider when scrolling the apps. 'A power imbalance' Age-gap relationships typically come under scrutiny for lots of reasons. At best, you have nothing in common. At worst, critics point to the dangers of manipulation, abuse or sexual grooming involving vulnerable young people under the age of consent. Having been in an age-gap relationship herself, 28-year-old Christine now sees any such situation involving a person under the age of 25 as a red flag. Christine was 24 when she dated a man in his 40s for a few months, and she found the dynamic to be increasingly strange. 'I asked, 'Who's the [youngest] person you've ever dated?' He said 23. But then his answer changed to 'a mature 18.' And that red-flagged me.' The lie made her feel misled, and she says the experience impacted her perspective on young people dating someone significantly older. (She also made a point of dating someone her exact age for her next relationship.) 'My theory is that the age gap matters less the older you get,' Christine says. 'But age-gap relationships when you don't have a fully formed frontal lobe — like your long-term cognitive reasoning hasn't chipped in yet — create a power imbalance.' People who have a pattern of dating people several years their junior also make her wary. 'If you can't date people your own age, there is a problem,' she says. 'If you have to have a certain amount of years on someone in order to find 'love,' maybe you're not looking for love.' Olive says she also asks men early on how young they typically date, which helps her assess when a situation feels inappropriate. But usually she doesn't face a lot of criticism for her romantic life. Living in a place like New York City often means that she isn't given any strange looks on the street when out with an older love interest. But that's not to say there hasn't been any judgment. 'I feel like I've experienced the most judgment from women a similar age to who I've been dating,' Olive says. 'And it's not out of concern for me or my well-being.' Grace, 30, is currently in a relationship with Kelly, 23. She tells Yahoo that she did feel judged by her friends at first for dating a woman who is so much younger — that is, until they saw the couple interacting. 'I am actually the more emotionally 'younger' one,' Grace explains. 'My younger partner wears the pants in the relationship, and I make sure it is set that way since I am hyperaware, subconsciously or not, that I am the older one.' She thinks that issues in an age-gap relationship arise when the younger partner isn't aware of the power dynamics and hierarchy that can occur when there is a difference. Early on in her relationship, Grace made sure to address the age difference, which helped dispel any discomfort. But she sees that being more of a consideration in lesbian relationships like her own. 'Men don't think about this,' Grace says. Olive agrees that dating someone significantly older comes with a power imbalance, but it's one she's equipped to handle. 'You have to be extremely aware, self-embodied, smart, understand the power dynamics, advocate for yourself and have control of what's going on,' she says. 'I think a lot of people can get swept up in the fantasy of an established man who has a nice house and pays for everything and will take care of you. But you have to be an active participant in the relationship and be fighting to have an equitable power dynamic.' A no-go Tanya, 33, hasn't been in a relationship with anyone more than three or four years apart in age from her, which she doesn't really consider an age gap. Her dating app filters have more range, however; she's open to meeting anyone between 30 and 43. Like Christine, she considers anyone under 25 a hard pass. 'That's a very young, mostly uncooked brain,' she says. 'We all think we're so mature and capable of so much at that age, and now that we're older, we realize, Oh, no, that was just the usual 20s arrogance and disillusionment.' Kanika, 27, thinks that a lot of the hand-wringing around people in age-gap relationships is overblown, so long as both parties are above the age of consent. 'I think age-gap relationships are pretty normal in everyday life,' she says. 'Lots of people have an eight-year distance between them and their partner and acknowledge that.' Kanika's last situationship was a year younger than her, but she typically dates people marginally older — usually men between the ages of 30 and 41 (her dating profile is currently set between 26 and 41). 'Even though men tend to be idiots regardless of their age, [older men] at least know what a date should be, aka asking me out properly and getting to the point,' she says. Sharon, 26, prefers to date someone her own age. 'I just think being in a relationship with a large age gap basically takes away what I think is the best part of being with someone, which is going through life and figuring things out together as a joint effort,' she says. Facing the future That's something that Olive has struggled with. On the one hand, being with older men has allowed her to experience some of the life milestones she sees in her future — things like raising kids, owning property and having financial security. Prior to her last relationship, she spent four years with a man 20 years older than her. 'He had two kids and was very freshly separated from his wife of 10 years,' she says. 'During COVID, having a giant apartment to go to was quite the respite. Not having to think about paying for anything we did together. He had a car. It all felt very indulgent. And [because he was] a parent, he was so, so patient with me, and I was able to work through a lot of personal developments and grow a lot as a partner.' But he wasn't able to prioritize Olive over his ex, and she felt as though she was constantly fighting to be included more in his life. She enjoyed spending time with his children and felt shut out whenever she was barred from going to basketball games, dance recitals or birthday parties. Their mother refused to acknowledge Olive's existence. 'It often felt like I was hiding or in secret — I termed it 'mistress mode' in our relationship,' she says. Ultimately, the relationship ended when he agreed to move to another country with his ex-wife without telling her. 'That was just the universe's last kick in the butt for me to get out of there.' Despite that experience, Olive says she doesn't feel as cherished by a man her own age. She'd rather not date someone less settled — a guy with roommates, say, or anyone she has to 'teach ... everything.' At the same time, she knows that younger guys might be more willing to go through important life milestones alongside her, which is why she's been making an active effort to 'close the gap.' It's been a struggle, since she still finds herself swiping left on everyone whenever she lowers her age range on dating apps. 'I love men in their 40s, what can I say?' she laughs. 'But I want kids, so I have been trying to date younger.' Solve the daily Crossword

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Don't buy your kids a phone. Buy them a watch.

'I love men in their 40s, what can I say?': Women on the appeal (and red flags) of age-gap relationships

'I love men in their 40s, what can I say?': Women on the appeal (and red flags) of age-gap relationships

Best dating apps for singles who want something serious

Hashtags

Try Our AI Features

Comments

Related Articles

Don't buy your kids a phone. Buy them a watch.

'I love men in their 40s, what can I say?': Women on the appeal (and red flags) of age-gap relationships

'I love men in their 40s, what can I say?': Women on the appeal (and red flags) of age-gap relationships

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