People With 'Control Issues' Often Use These 11 Subtle Tactics, According to Psychologists
People with a take-charge, go-getter attitude can inspire others and "rally the troops." However, as with many traits, it's possible to have too much of a good thing. If someone has a desire to have complete agency over every or most situations, psychologists say they may have "." "Control issues are when someone has to be in charge and struggles immensely when they are not in charge, often inserting themselves even if someone else has been identified as in charge and is capable to do so," says Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.However, spotting controlling strategies can be challenging, primarily because these individuals are so determined to get their way that they become sneaky and manipulative. Identifying signs that a person has control issues is crucial for protecting your peace. Psychologists tell Parade11 commonly overlooked tactics use and how to reclaim agency over your life.Related:
11 Subtle Tactics People With 'Control Issues' Use, According to Psychologists
1. They act like helpers
One of the trickiest aspects of dealing with someone who has control issues is that they often masquerade as team players."They seem really helpful," Dr. Smith says. "The person may frequently volunteer to take things off of others' plates or be in charge of 'helping the team.'"However, Dr. Smith warns that it's often a strategy to ensure they have total say in what happens.Related: The 10 Earliest Signs of Emotional Manipulation To Look Out For, According to Psychologists
2. They have trouble delegating
When a controlling person is the lead on a project, they may struggle to tap other teammates for assistance."Someone with control issues likes being in charge and may have a preference to do projects solo," Dr. Smith reveals. "If something is to be done within a team, the person with control issues may have difficulty delegating if in a leadership position."She says people with control issues who are "team members" may also struggle with sharing the load (and floor)."If they're in an equal team position, they may have difficulty creating sufficient space for others to have a valuable, contributing role," she notes.
Related:
3. They're rigid to the point of perfectionism
Individuals who strive for total agency over a situation often also aim to become the first person to achieve total perfection throughout their entire lives."For someone with control issues, there is a 'right' way to do everything, which means rigidity is high," Dr. Smith reports. "This is fertile territory for perfectionism to rear its head."
4. They take 'detail-oriented' to an extreme
As with rigidity—which can equate to structure in healthy doses—people with control problems can take "detail-oriented" behaviors so far that they become a toxic trait. One psychologist says they may require you to share every little detail before agreeing to anything."Asking for more information before saying 'yes' is reasonable," points out, a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele. "However, a person with control issues needs details beyond reason. You will likely regret approaching them for help in the first place."
5. They give unsolicited advice
This one is related to the desire to appear helpful in an attempt to sway you their way."For example, someone might say, 'If I were you, I would…' if they are trying to disagree with someone's decision to suggest something different," warns Dr. Aerial Cetnar, Ph.D., a licensed therapist, clinical psychologist and founder of Boulder Therapy & Wellness. "It is a way of trying to influence someone's decision without explicitly telling them what to do."Related:
6. They project
Dr. Leno says controlling individuals have a way of acting as if their feelings are yours."They might say that something bothers you when it really bothers them," she says.For instance, she warns that "I know you don't really like spicy food" may be code for "I don't like spicy food, and I don't want to go to the restaurant that you picked.""Oddly enough, the person subjected to this control tactic eventually realizes what's happening and feels annoyed," she points out.However, at first, it can throw you for a loop and make you question yourself.Related:
7. They're scorekeepers
We're not talking about volunteers who keep the scorebook or run the board at a youth basketball game. This type of scorekeeper can be annoying and toxic."One tactic used by people with control issues is 'keeping score' in a relationship, which might include referencing who did what last and who owes the other person something," Dr. Cetnar says. "This can... cause the other person to behave as a result of guilt."It can also result in transactional relationships."People who are controlling... do not give generously," says, a psychologist and media advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation. "They give from lack or from scarcity, from wanting you to do something that they need in order to feel empowered or safe."She says a big red-flag phrase a person uses to control a situation (or you) is, 'I did XYZ for you; the least you could do is ABC for me.'
8. They enact deadlines
Dr. Cetnar says that people who are controlling often use urgency and pressure to get their way even in situations that don't need such tight deadlines."This can cause pressure for someone to make a decision or agree with that person and neglect any time to really reflect or think about their own preferences," she warns.
Related:
9. They engage in economic/financial abuse
This one is harrowing, and it's challenging to identify before it's too late."Money, power and control are the perfect trifecta," Dr. Hormats says. "Money creates a sense of safety. Our livelihoods depend on it. Controlling people may withdraw or threaten to withhold money as a way to get the other person to submit to their demands."You may think the person is being pragmatic financially, and you're being "too extra" with spending, until you realize that they're trying to prevent you from meeting your needs and valid, in-budget wants.
10. They isolate you
This strategy is also painful, but it may initially seem like the person really wants to spend alone time with you or protect you. But then it gets out of hand."Controlling people may find ways to cut you off from friends and family," Dr. Hormats says. "Sometimes, you are not aware that this is even happening. They may criticize people in your life, judge your relationships and threaten to leave you if you don't take distance from the people in your life."
11. They give you the silent treatment
The silent treatment can throw you for a loop, especially if it's been decades since you last experienced it as a young child on a playground."No one likes the silent treatment, and a person employing it does so to gain compliance," Dr. Leno says. "They say nothing is wrong when in fact they are boiling internally. Their goal is to get you to recognize the error of your ways by making you uncomfortable. They hope to condition you to behave a certain way."Related:
3 Tips for Handling People With Control Issues
1. Assert yourself
Many of us have miles-long to-do lists, and offers of help are welcome. However, you're allowed to choose what you let go of."If someone is always offering to 'take something off your plate' that you do not actually want off your plate, do not accept the offer," Dr. Smith says. "Be assertive and set a boundary that you will be the one to do the thing, whatever the thing is."
2. Affirm yourself
Sometimes, it's actually them, not you."If you have proven yourself to be capable, then remind yourself that this person wanting control is about their stuff, not about you," Dr. Smith says.Of course, self-awareness and reflection are important here."If you consistently have fallen short of doing what needs to be done, then consider collaborating with the person identified as having 'control issues' to see how you can grow," she says. "If the person with control issues is too intense to learn from, then collaborate with someone else to improve your capabilities."
3. Walk away
Sometimes, the best way to deal with someone with control issues is to go no-contact or low-contact. It's not easy, but Dr. Hormats says there are times when it's necessary."One of the most difficult things to do is to walk away from someone we love," she explains. "Yet, when we are enmeshed in a controlling, neglectful or abusive relationship, sometimes it's the only thing we can do. In fact, sometimes it's what we must do."She likes to use the acronym NO, which stands for "New Opportunity.""You are worthy of being loved just as you are," she reminds people. "You are worthy of having your needs met, and you are worthy of someone who does not need to control you in order for you to feel loved."Up Next:Sources:
Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks
Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele
Dr. Aerial Cetnar, Ph.D., a licensed therapist, clinical psychologist and founder of Boulder Therapy & Wellness
Dr. Catherine Hormats, Psychoanalyst LP, MA, GPCC, a psychologist and media advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation
People With 'Control Issues' Often Use These 11 Subtle Tactics, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 21, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 21, 2025, where it first appeared.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Associated Press
10 minutes ago
- Associated Press
Sterling K. Brown's kids won't watch his work
The Associated Press is an independent global news organization dedicated to factual reporting. Founded in 1846, AP today remains the most trusted source of fast, accurate, unbiased news in all formats and the essential provider of the technology and services vital to the news business. More than half the world's population sees AP journalism every day.
CNET
an hour ago
- CNET
Killing Your Knives Slowly? Stop Doing These 7 Things
If you spend any time cooking at home, you know how much easier prep work becomes when your knives are sharp, balanced and in great shape. But even top-quality blades can take a beating if you're not careful. A few common kitchen habits, ones you might not even realize are harmful, can dull or damage your knives fast. Scraping food off a cutting board with the blade's edge or tossing your knives into a drawer without a sheath might feel harmless, but both can shorten their lifespan. Even oversharpening, which seems like a good maintenance habit, can slowly wear down the blade's structure over time. Protecting your knives doesn't require special tools, just a little awareness. By avoiding these sneaky mistakes, you'll extend the life of your knives and make every slice feel effortless. If you're in search of a fantastic new knife, we've got great news. We've tried out more than 10 different options and put together a list of the best chef's knives for 2025. If you already have a knife that's your No. 1, continue reading to find out the most common mistakes people make that can ruin even the most high-quality knife. Read more: Want Your Kitchen Knives to Stay Sharp for Longer? This Simple Trick Will Help 7 easy ways to ruin your favorite kitchen knife 1. Scrape it sideways on a board Using your knife as a scraper is a hard habit to break, but the blade will thank you. David Watsky/CNET Knives are made to cut in only two directions, back and forth and not side to side, so try not to use your good knives in a scraping manner. It may be instinct to move and gather all that chopped food on the board with the blade of the knife but it will damage the edge over time. If you can't break the habit completely, at least try and do it gently and without much downward force. 2. Use it on anything other than wood or plastic Even one slice on a glass or marble surface can do irreparable damage to your chef's knife. David Watsky/CNET There are boards and blocks made from all sorts of materials but many of them are not knife-friendly. Stone or marble boards and glass surfaces should be reserved for serving food, not preparing it (at least not with a knife) since they will dull your blade faster than almost anything else. Bamboo and plastic are the softest -- and often cheapest -- cutting board materials and will be gentle on your blades. Most other types of wood cutting boards, however, have enough give not to damage the blade. 3. Store it freely in a drawer Not only will this setup ruin your knife, but you're bound to hurt yourself eventually. David Watsky/CNET This is probably the biggest mistake folks make with their kitchen knives. I've seen it more times than I can count and it hurts every time. Letting your knives clink around in a drawer with other knives and metal tools will dull or chip them over time. It's understandable to not want a clumsy knife block on the counter, but there are some pretty sleek options these days like this and this You can also buy in-drawer wooden knife racks or sheath your knives in plastic cases. The coolest option may be to store the knives on one of these magnetic knife racks and show off your shiny blades to dinner guests. Just be gentle when placing knives on and removing them from the magnet so as not to scrape the blade. 4. Let it soak in the sink or (*gasps*) put it in the dishwasher Try to get that chef's knife out of the sink and dry it off before you sit down to eat. David Watsky/CNET For several reasons, your knives should never be put in the dishwasher. It'll likely damage the handles, and the blades should never be exposed to water for that long. Speaking of which, never let a knife sit wet in the sink or anywhere else, for that matter. That means no soaking, ever. When you've finished washing it by hand, dry it immediately, or the metal will become susceptible to rust and corrosion. 5. Cut nonfood items or use it as a general tool Don't use a good chef's knife to open your Amazon boxes. Jakub Porzycki/NurPhoto/Getty Images Good knives may seem like a multipurpose tool but they should only be used for food prep. Try not to cut any nonfood items like plastic, cardboard or other packaging. And don't even think about employing your knife as a screwdriver or lever to pry open something stuck. 6. Use a metal scrubber to clean it Steel wool is great for some dishwashing jobs but will ruin your knife's edge in seconds. mikroman6/Getty It shouldn't come as a surprise that using metal or another rough material to clean your knife blade could lead to big problems. Instead, use hot water and a soft sponge or cloth. Your knives should never be so dirty that those aren't enough to get them clean. 7. Oversharpen the blade Sharpening is good. Oversharpening is bad. David Watsky/CNET There comes a point at which a knife blade can't be sharpened anymore, and if you continue to pound it on a steel or whetstone, you'll only be shaving off the blade itself and shortening the knife's life span. Here's a guide to sharpening your kitchen knives.
Forbes
an hour ago
- Forbes
Should We De-Extinct The Woolly Mammoth? No, Save The Elephants
Should we bring back extinct animals? Wrong question. Why are we bringing back extinct animals when we have animals, plants, and fungi that are going extinct now, daily? By 2050, up to half of all species now alive could be extinct. Should we sacrifice the lives that can still be saved for poorly conceived experiments? As much fun as it may be for well-funded geneticists, from the perspective of conservation this is inefficient and frustrating. Bringing back a 12 foot tall flightless bird does sound hilarious, but is that the best use of resources? 12% of all bird species are endangered. If fans of Game of Thrones want to make their special wolves a reality, then they have the right to fantasize or show intellectual curiosity about the possibility. I would simply like to put in a word for the animals that exist now, that are important, and that are being threatened. Research has shown that the pursuit of de-extinction can have a net negative effect on biodiversity, the great cause the proponents claim to champion. Paris Hilton and the CIA are among the investors in Colossal Biosciences, a company that's valued at $10 billion, and undertaking several de-extinction projects. They 'brought back' the dire wolf last year, and they've bred a woolly mouse in anticipation of a woolly mammoth. The progress that humanity has made with genetics is impressive, but is this application useful? Beyond curiosity, creating cute new pets, or as a preface for transhumanism, what's the specific utility to humanity in bringing back an animal that by definition, isn't adapted for the world and will spend its life in a zoo; we'll be breeding novelties to create more caged, emotionally stunted animals for people to leer at for an afternoon. Let us note that no extinct animals are actually being brought back. Some of their genetic traits are being edited into their nearest living relatives, or animals that look like them thanks to convergent evolution, and those proxies are what we're talking about. Proponents are redefining terms as is convenient for them, as Colossal does on their website with 'de-extinction.' The Dire Wolves born last year are not Dire Wolves. They're Grey Wolves turned white with stronger jaws and about another dozen gene edits. They sure aren't the Dire Wolves that went extinct about 12,000 years ago, and diverged from living Canids about 5.7 million years ago. Dire wolves were genetically closer to a Dhole or Dingo anyway. This is a farce. The 'Woolly Mammoth' will be a hairy Asian Elephant; the 'Moa' will be an edited Emu. Get Ready For Moa Flu Zoonotic diseases are those that pass between humans and animals. Rabies, Bird Flu, Swine Flu are examples. These disease occur more often when different animals are kept in contact with each or people, which allows the diseases to evolve in different environments. Disease inducing microorganisms can jump between hosts, mutating and adapting and sometimes evolving into something devastating. The risk for ancient animals is greater as they don't have immune systems suited for modern diseases. How will the hybrids being created react, when they have half archaic and half modern DNA? Will this make them more resilient, or more vulnerable? This is a big unknown and we shouldn't be optimistic. From this resurrection would be a disease for which no modern Sapien is adapted. Remember the Native Americans and smallpox. Do we want to reintroduce viruses that can reduce our population by an order of magnitude? The Bird Flu and Covid were bad enough, shall we find out what the Moa or Dodo Flus will be like? June 2025, Cardamom Mountains, Cambodia. Habitat Loss, driven by development projects like ... More hydropower dams, continues to be the biggest threat to the Asian Elephant. False Cure, Red Herring Of A Solution What's cooler than breeding hybrids of extinct animals? Keeping them alive in the first place. At this pace, half of living species will be gone forever by 2050. When people think that we can bring back extinct animals, which we now understand isn't in fact what's happening, they'll think that protecting the species we have is less of a priority. After all, if an organism is that important then we'll just birth another one. It falsely allays concerns about biodiversity, the variety of life that is essential to strong ecosystems, where every organism with its niche performs its vital task. Removing any link on a food web has impacts on others; we can't view the death of one species as being important only for that species. What led to the death of the Dire Wolf in the first place? The death of all the herbivores it ate. To the point, why aren't we bringing back these forgotten herbivores? Because they weren't featured on Game of Thrones so no one cares. June 2025, Cardamom Mountains, Cambodia. A mother can birth a calf once every four years. The ... More threats against these dwindling animals continue. Stop deforestation. Do not rely on the misnomer of de-extinction. If we use the de-extinction programs to garner interest in conservation, then I support them. Otherwise it's hard not to view this as an unnecessary indulgence. Given the constant threats against Asian Elephants in the Cardamom Mountains that Wildlife Alliance protects, we can't get excited about making a hairy one while ignoring the bald ones that still exist, for now, constantly threatened by large development projects like hydropower dams. Let these projects bring attention and funding to current at-risk species, to excite the imagination and educate people about the importance of biodiversity and protecting nature. Otherwise, don't do it.
