Why Capable Women Still Feel Disempowered In Male-Dominated Industries

Forbes

3 days ago

Yann Dang, Aspire Coaching | Leadership & Emotional Intelligence Coach for Women in Male-Dominated Industries | Host of The Balanced Leader.
In male-dominated industries, many women are recognized for their intelligence, work ethic and strategic thinking. They're the ones others trust to deliver. They earn results—and respect.
But when the moment calls for bold influence—advocating for themselves, disrupting the status quo or commanding a room—something shifts. Their voice softens. Their presence tightens. Their ideas are delivered with disclaimers.
In my experience, this doesn't happen because they're unsure of their thinking, but because they've been conditioned to lead safely instead of powerfully.
What I've Observed Across High-Stakes Industries
As a former global finance leader turned executive coach, I've worked with senior women across law, tech, healthcare and finance. Time and again, I've witnessed a quiet but persistent pattern: The most capable women are often the least visible in power dynamics.
Not because they lack skill, but because they've learned to stay credible by staying small.
Even I wasn't immune to it. I once sat in an executive meeting with a question I knew needed to be asked. But I hesitated, waiting for the "perfect moment." Then my CEO asked it. I didn't speak because I hadn't yet learned to trust that I deserved to take up space.
That moment stayed with me. It revealed something deeper: my own (and other women's) internalized belief that value must be earned and preapproved.
Three Patterns That Quiet A Woman's Power
Many women are raised to earn approval through achievement. They over-deliver, over-prepare and over-function their way into reliability. But reliable doesn't always translate to powerful. In fact, it often positions women as fixers rather than visionaries.
Leadership presence isn't built on proof. It's built on grounded clarity.
High-pressure moments—especially those involving power dynamics—often trigger the body's stress response. The signs aren't always obvious. Sometimes it looks like self-editing, deflecting or shrinking. Other times, it's a sudden flood of over-explanation or apology.
Years ago, being challenged publicly would send me into a spiral. I believed I had to have all the answers in the moment or risk losing credibility. But what I've learned is that composure comes from regulation, not perfection. Leadership doesn't mean reacting quickly; it means responding intentionally. For me, that begins with taking a deep breath and deciding to slow down.
Women are told to "speak up" and "own the room"—yet are penalized for doing so. To survive, many walk a tightrope: confident, but not too confident; straightforward, but not too direct; passionate, but not too emotional. Over time, leadership becomes a performance instead of an expression of truth.
In my work, the women who step into real influence don't become louder. They become less edited. They stop asking for permission and start leading from alignment.
Three Phrases Smart Women Say That Quiet Their Own Power
Even the most accomplished women can unknowingly diminish their authority with subtle language shaped by decades of conditioning.
Here are three phrases I hear often in coaching conversations and what they reveal:
Translation: "I don't want to take up space unless I can justify it."
One client said this after a successful board presentation. She wanted to create a new slide deck to "explain" her follow-up ideas. I asked her, "What if you didn't 'explain'? Just declare what you know to be true, and ask for confirmation instead of trying to convince?"
That's the shift: from justification to declaration. That's where power lives.
Translation: "I'm worried I'm being too much—or not enough."
This phrase often comes from an unconscious need to check one's tone or clarity in real time. But it subtly undermines authority.
A more powerful alternative? "Let me know if you'd like more detail." It keeps the door open, without shrinking the message.
Translation: "I'm trying not to be a bother."
The word "just" is a linguistic shrink ray. It minimizes the importance of what follows and is a common form of self-protection.
Here's the fix: Drop the "just." Say what you mean—directly and unapologetically.
Internal Safety Is The Missing Piece
Most leadership training focuses on communication skills, influence tactics or presence techniques. But few address the invisible drivers beneath behavior:
• The fear of being misunderstood
• The tension in the body during challenge
• The years of socialization that have taught women to lead via performance, not presence
What's missing isn't capability. It's internal safety. When that's cultivated, everything changes.
A Small Moment That Revealed A Big Shift
One of my clients, a senior executive, made a mistake during a high-stakes presentation. In the past, she would have unraveled—rushed to recover, lost her composure, spiraled internally. Instead, she paused. She took a breath. She acknowledged the error calmly and continued leading.
And her credibility didn't suffer; it actually strengthened. Because real power isn't about never faltering. It's about knowing how to come home to yourself quickly—especially under pressure.
Presence, Not Perfection
When women reclaim their internal authority, they stop seeking constant validation. They stop diluting their leadership to remain palatable. They begin to speak—not for approval—but from alignment.
And that's the shift others notice.
Because power isn't about being the loudest in the room. It's about trusting your voice enough to speak when it matters—without waiting for permission.
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