Is food incompatibility a deal-breaker in relationships?

India Today

5 days ago

All over the world, food preferences typically fall into broad categories—vegetarian, vegan, or non-vegetarian. But in India, things are a little different. There are vegetarians who are okay with 'egg in cake', non-vegetarians who avoid meat on specific days, vegetarians who 'occasionally' eat meat when away from home, and non-vegetarians who strictly eat only certain kinds of meat. And the list goes on.advertisementThese different, and often personal, food choices can play a big role in who someone decides to be in a relationship with.Rashi Khanna (name changed), 31, has been searching for 'the one' for the past two years and has turned down multiple potential matches solely due to conflicting food habits.
'I don't want to cook two separate meals every day. And if I have to live with his parents, I may never get to eat the way I want,' she tells us.Her mother, Neeru Khanna (name changed), 63, disagrees. She's had different food preferences from her husband for over 25 years and believes it's no big deal. 'It's just this generation. They don't want to adjust,' she shares.Is it true that your food preferences can impact your relationship, and is it happening more with the newer generations?Love on the menuRuchi Ruuh, a Delhi-based relationship counsellor, tells India Today that food preferences can absolutely impact relationships, not because of the food itself, but rather because of what food represents. Food is a representation of our values, culture, comfort, routine, and even identity.'If your partner is vegan and finds the smell of eggs repulsive, it's not just a dietary difference; it becomes a conversation about how two people with different thoughts can co-exist with respect for each other's liking. Small things like eating together can slowly build an emotional connection too,' she states.Dr Rahul Chandhok, head consultant, mental health and behavioural science, Artemis Hospitals, Gurugram, agrees and mentions that people don't always realise how much food preferences can affect relationships.
Mealtime can help build a relationship | Photo: Pexels/RDNE Stock project
'Eating together can help people get to know each other better, but having different diets, like being vegetarian or not, liking spicy food or bland food, or eating healthy food or junk food, can cause problems every day. If partners don't respect each other's choices, planning meals, going out to eat, or even going grocery shopping can lead to fights,' he says.Same taste, stronger bond?According to Ruuh, while having the same food preferences isn't necessarily better, it is often easier.'Sharing food preferences can create more shared experiences like cooking together, exploring food, and celebrating festivals. But compatibility isn't just about sameness; it's about how you handle differences. A couple with totally different food preferences can still thrive if they respect each other's boundaries and make space for their individual needs.''If a couple values each other's tastes and finds a way to meet in the middle, they can still be happy together,' adds Dr Chandhok.When couples accept each other's tastes and find a balance, it brings them closer together. But if you and your partner are always fighting over food, it could mean that you don't get along or don't want to give in.Food becomes a bridge instead of a wall when people are respectful, understanding, and open-minded.Is it a generational thing?The experts feel that people from older generations often thought of relationships as lifelong commitments where everyone had to give and take, even when it came to food. But now, people care more about their own comfort and individuality than they used to. As they learn more about mental health, boundaries, and who they are, they are less likely to give up what they want, even in relationships.advertisementThis transition has surely taught the newer generations about self-respect, but it can also make them less accepting of differences.'Today's relationships are more desire and value-based. The bar has shifted, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. People want to feel seen, not just tolerated,' mentions Ruuh.Impact on intimacyYes, your food choices do impact the mood.'Intimacy is built on everyday moments like emotional intelligence, not just sex and deep conversations. When you feel judged for your food choices, or you have to eat separately every day, it can reduce shared rituals, create subtle resentment, and emotional distance,' shares Ruuh.
Your food habits can affect your intimacy with your partner | Photo: Pexels/Valentin Antonucci
She adds that, on the flip side, offering a bite of your favourite dish or cooking something your partner loves is one of the most primal love languages.advertisementDr Chandhok also feels that food can make people more connected or emotionally distant. If partners eat apart or feel judged for what they eat, this separation can also affect physical closeness over time, since being close to someone depends on doing things together and accepting each other.'Intimacy isn't just about touching; it's also about feeling seen, accepted, and valued, even in small things like food. If you don't pay attention to small gaps, they can widen the emotional distance,' he adds.POV: Health and nutritionNot just the relationship, but a couple's food preferences can also impact their lifestyle and well-being.Dr Karthigai Selvi A, head of clinical nutrition and dietetics, Gleneagles BGS Hospital, Bengaluru, tells us that having different food choices impacts meal planning.'Differing food preferences often mean separate meals or compromise, which can cause time and energy strain, leading to skipped meals, imbalanced nutrient intake, or convenience eating,' she says.Further, having to cater to different food needs with every meal can impact a couple's health both positively and negatively.If preparing two separate meals feels overwhelming, one or both partners might default to a quick fix or skip meals altogether. Constantly accommodating different food needs, such as allergies, intolerances, cultural or religious diets, or medical conditions, can lead to decision fatigue and meal temptation.advertisementIt can also lead to rapid weight changes or disordered eating, as one partner may try to adjust their eating style inappropriately to match the other.On the positive side, having different food preferences can increase dietary diversity, leading to broader micronutrient intake. It can also improve food awareness. Catering to another person's needs often increases label reading, home cooking, and mindfulness, which results in better long-term health habits and disease prevention.Navigating the differencesInstead of trying to make everything the same, focus on being emotionally flexible when it comes to food differences in a relationship. Know that food is connected to who you are, how you feel, and your memories.Do not try to change each other, but make room for both of your tastes. Create shared food rituals that feel safe for both. Cook together one day, eat separately the next. Learn each other's food boundaries.Don't use mealtime to control; use it to connect. Be open to communication and flexible in understanding your partner's point of view.Respect is important. Don't make fun of or judge how people eat. It's easier to make small compromises when both partners feel safe and valued.Make it a combined effort. One person should not be solely responsible for the food. This way, you'll be able to spend more quality time together.Meanwhile, Dr Karthigai Selvi A suggests that while navigating different food choices, a couple must discuss non-negotiables, like allergies or religious food restrictions.To simplify things, she recommends finding shared foods and building meals around them, using a shared foundation and customisable add-ons.The other way aroundIt's quite natural to wonder whether your relationship can impact your food choices and, if so, is that a red flag?According to Ruuh, if you start enjoying something like sushi because your partner loves it, and you're exploring it with them, that's a beautiful connection. But if you stop eating what you love because your partner mocks it, that's a red flag. That's not growth, it's control dressed as influence.'A healthy relationship may expand your food world. A toxic one will shrink it until it no longer feels like you,' she concludes.- EndsTune InMust Watch