I lost 5st and became a marathon nerd

Telegraph

14-04-2025

In the past few years, I have unexpectedly become a fully-fledged marathon running nerd, a turn I never expected my life to take. Like many other Lycra middle-aged tragics, I have deep dived into a sea of fancy trainers, and complicated sports watches, spending my weekends, and any spare time I have huffing and puffing around my local parks, and then pouring over my health stats on my phone like a deranged forensic scientist.
This is something I never would have thought would happen to a person who has spent most of her life very happily sitting down, and being a cuddly couch potato. I would often joke, and say 'I am built for comfort, not for speed' and preferring several sauvignon blancs over a sweaty gym session. But, here I am a 46-year-old woman, who just recently completed the six major world marathons in just over three years, and on her way to complete her 10th marathon in London this April. My former self would have laughed very hard at me now, and called me a 'running w---er' and then passed me a big bowl of crisps.
As a stand up comedian for over 20 years, my body has been a great source of material. Since 2013, I've been in the double act Scummy Mummies with my comedy partner Ellie Gibson. I had spent most of my 20s and 30s as a happy size 18. I assumed that it was just 'my size' and who I was as a mother, a wife and a comedian. Being a comedian provided a shield to the negative thoughts. I felt buoyed by being on stage, and was accepted for who I was. In my 30s I was outwardly positive about this too, and created an entire Instagram account called @helenwearsasize18, where I shared photos of myself in outfits, and enjoyed recommending clothes for curvy bodies; well for all bodies really.
I hadn't always been confident in my larger body, growing up in Australia where there is a strong sporting culture and lean looks are prioritised over brains and strength and I was subject to bullying and ridicule. This didn't stop me from participating in sport, but I would be lying if I didn't long for the slim legs and tiny waists of my team members, or want to be the girl with a flat stomach that everyone fancied. Instead, I was the girl who made people laugh. Little did I know back then these strong thighs were built for marathons.
When I was 19 I fell in love. Although I thought he loved me, he was particularly good at making me feel unattractive. I remember going to Paris with him, and he promised he would buy me a Cacharel dress, but only after I lost some weight. It was as though my current body wasn't worth a pretty dress. It was humiliating.
For our wedding in January 2010, when I was 32 years old, I slimmed down dramatically from a size 18 to a size 12. I'd given birth to my daughter Mathilda by then but when I cut out sweet things and reduced what I ate, the weight seemed to come off quickly. It's not a diet I would recommend but having the deadline of the wedding and size of the dress looming over me, was a great motivator. The only time I tried the dress on was about 30 minutes before the wedding, and it took a couple of friends to squeeze me in. but, I managed it, and yes, promptly put the weight back on again. By the time I got to the end my second pregnancy I gained even more weight.
Then, a year before my 40th birthday in 2017, I took up running. The aim was to just plod around doing short distances, but in 2019 I signed up for the 2020 London marathon. It wasn't about losing weight, it was me showing what a size 18 body could do. So my weight stayed around 90kg – that was until my catastrophic divorce happened in March 2020.
I felt numb, rejected, unwanted and unloved and became a big hot mess of booze, takeaways and self-destructive behaviour. I put on even more weight, going up to 100kg, and felt heavy not only physically, but emotionally too. My health was in the toilet and after some blood tests I discovered that I had a virtually non-existent immune system, was low in vitamin D and was on the way to poor heart health and diabetes. I needed a total health overhaul.
For the next year I had Zoom meetings (Covid made face to face difficult) with my trainer Amber Keatley, a women's health and nutrition coach, going through what and why I ate certain foods, using a diary to track not only how I felt, but also sleep, stress and trying to calm my nervous system down. I started incorporating more plants into my diet and ever so slowly reducing the sugar and alcohol too. This wasn't meant to be a quick fix or a one off flash in the pan diet, I needed to change habits and overcome my emotional eating, too. For me, I was also a big carbs person – toast for breakfast, biscuits for snacks, more bread at lunch and pasta for dinner, and just so much cheese, washed down with either white wine or gin and tonics.
I knew I had been numbing my feelings with food. But I was newly single and as lockdown had been lifted I found myself drinking less and as I started to incorporate the small changes the weight slowly started to shift, a pound here and there. The first thing I noticed was my generous G-cup boobs were shrinking rapidly. I was moving just a bit quicker than before.
Each week, I felt motivated by the times I was getting as I jogged around the park, and just how I felt when I woke up in the morning. By the time the London marathon came around in October I was down 2st (or 13kg), and I completed the marathon in just under six hours. Well, that's all done I thought, I can tick that off my list. But, as the weeks passed, I started to change my thinking. I mean, I had enjoyed running 26.2 miles, and I seemed to be getting better, and fitter perhaps I should give it one more go.
I signed up for the marathon again in 2022, and this time, I decided for the first time in my life to take something seriously. This was a new and strange feeling. For as long as I can remember, sport and my body were sources of laughter, and taken with a big dose of self depreciation. Was this me finally having some self respect or valuing what my body could do? My coach, Elkie Mace sent me three runs to do every week and we decided I should aim to run the marathon in 5.3 hours. As the weeks and months went by, and the more weight I lost, my legs were getting faster, and I became more and more determined.
I started to look a lot smaller and my clothes and bras were too big. Friends and family could see I was shrinking, too and were supportive. Online, I started receiving mostly positive comments, but there were a few people who were disappointed that I was no longer @helenwearsasize18, and said they felt betrayed that I had left them behind. And, I wasn't who I said I was. I took on board all the comments, barring a few rather mean ones, and changed my Instagram handle to @itsmehelenthorn. I focussed what I shared around running and fitness and my new life as a single parent.
I felt more in control of what I was eating, and incorporated some intermittent fasting into my weekly routine too, saving breakfast until 11am and swapping out all those big carb-y meals for lots of salad, soups and stir-frys. Amber's advice was to eat well 80 per cent of the time and the other 20 per cent to eat what you wanted, or just enjoy yourself, which felt doable and what I live by now. So, it didn't mean I felt nervous going out for dinners, or celebrating with friends. And, on holidays, I wasn't going to miss out on anything either. As a person who adores food, and cooking for others and entertaining, I didn't feel the things I loved were compromised or that I was starving hungry either.
When I was on tour with the Scummy Mummies, we always had a post-show curry, and a few pints to wind down. Some nights I would skip the beers, and try to hold back on eating too much. But, if I did I wouldn't beat myself up either. Life is too short not to enjoy a Rogan Josh with your best mate.
Feeling stronger and moving faster were the greatest feelings. Sure it was nice to wear size 12 jeans, but I wasn't obsessed with the size of my thighs, or if my tummy was flat, the thing that kept me going was how I felt when I moved my body, this was addictive. I continued doing strength training at Fitology Hub, my local all women gym and could start to see biceps forming and definition in my legs. Things like stepping out of the shower, or just going up and down the stairs at home felt effortless, and I stopped making those old lady groans when I got out of a chair. I felt renewed, and upgraded.
One of the things that sat uncomfortably with me was that people commented that I had a revenge body, that this was a way of getting back at my ex for having his affair. This was far from the truth, for the first time I was doing just something for me. Away from being a mother, one half a comedy duo, a daughter and a friend. As a people pleaser I was never very good at prioritising myself, and finally I felt I was achieving big, hard and challenging things. And, this confidence bled into other aspects of my life, I started making better choices for who I was and standing up for myself, too.
By the time the London 2022 marathon was approaching I had lost 5st, or just over 30kg, and felt in the best shape of my life. On race day, I put my headphones on and my head down and just tried to follow every instruction to the letter. This was not just about the race but about reclaiming myself. And for once, my body wasn't the butt of my jokes.
I remember telling friends, don't come to cheer me on, I was going to be a proper dork and try to run this one fast. So off I went, and the whole thing went by in a bit of a blur. The only thing I remember is coming around the corner from Big Ben and into The Mall looking at my watch and thinking, 'f-----g Hell, I am going to run it in four hours and 15'. And then seeing a group of people in tutus walking together in line. I burst through them and said 'Get out of my way!' which I obviously feel deeply embarrassed about now, but I was on a mission.
As I approached Buckingham Palace I sped up, tears leaking down my face and smiling, I sprinted to the finishing line, and crossed it at 4.14.45, exactly at the time I wanted to the minute. I had done it, every huffy puffy, early morning, carb loading minute had been worth it. My body which had 18 months previously been a mess soaked in wine, and fuelled by crisps and Haribo was now something unrecognisable. I had not only changed my size and shape, but how I saw who I was and what I was capable of. It was a moment of transitioning from surviving to thriving. I haven't looked back.
From that marathon I went on to complete Copenhagen, and then the world majors in New York, Boston, Chicago, Berlin and most recently Tokyo in March this year. And, I am set to finish my 10th in London on April 27. Running has given me so much, not only an entire wardrobe of leggings, a cupboard of anti-chafing creams, and a box full of medals, but a greater sense of self worth and purpose. Yes, I may have gotten smaller, but my life has gotten so much bigger.
What I ate before
Breakfast
Sugary and carby, so a jammy bagel or hot cross bun.
Lunch
Cheese toastie.
Dinner
Pasta with loads of cheese on top. Or whatever the kids were having so pizza or beige food.
Alcohol/drinks
I would typically have around 12-15 glasses of wine per week.
Snacks
Flapjacks, Jaffa cakes, or sweets.
What I eat now
Breakfast
Smoothie or porridge on running days.
Lunch
Smoked mackerel on toast or omelette.
Dinner
Salmon stir fry or chicken thighs and veggies.
Snacks
Cottage cheese/nuts/fruit.
Alcohol/drinks
3-5 glasses of wine.
My exercise regimen before
Nothing.
My exercise regimen now
3-4 runs a week, 1 strength training session and 1 yoga/Pilates session.
The Scummy Mummies' new show Hot Mess is now touring across the UK in 2025