The sexiest time in a woman's life? Pregnancy! TRACEY COX reveals why women's libido skyrockets when expecting... and why many feel so guilty about it

Daily Mail​

22-05-2025

Society paints motherhood as an innocent time for couples – but that couldn't be further from the truth for some women.
Lots say they've never felt so desperate to have sex than when they were pregnant.
Soaring hormones and sensitive breasts and genitals is a potent combination, making some women feel insatiable – and enjoy sex more than they ever have.
Good news, right?
Not so fast.
While some women embrace this (often unexpected) bonus with glee, others feel flooded with guilt for feeling distinctly unmotherly.
As one woman put it, 'You're supposed to be looking at prams online, not porn'.
Why DO women feel guilty?
Some cultures or backgrounds see pregnancy as a pure maternal state. It's meant to be all about the baby, not the woman. Daring to feel desire makes you selfish: it's 'inappropriate'.
Even though doctors and gynaecologists reassure women that having sex won't harm the baby (so long as the pregnancy is progressing normally and there are no complications) lots still fear it will dislodge the foetus or cause a miscarriage. Their pleasure could cost them the baby.
The leap from 'lover' to 'mother' – especially if it's your first child – isn't easy. Mothers are perceived as saint-like: selfless beings whose prime purpose is to care for a child.
Single or childless women are allowed to feel frisky and have wild, wanton sex but mothers? Not so much.
This is why having a high sex drive during pregnancy is hidden rather than talked about. And the reason why the two women I spoke to feel guilt rather than enjoying what could be the best sex of their lives.
Amanda is 34-years-old and 31 weeks pregnant with her second child. She's been with her partner for five years.
'It didn't happen the first time, but this time around my sex drive is in overdrive.
'I already had a strong libido, but this is ridiculous. I want sex every day and if I can't have it, I masturbate twice a day at least.
'Every chance I get I'm at it with my husband, multiple times a day. I'm insatiable – I feel like I'm going to combust. Even when I sleep, all my dreams are about sex.
'I was loving it until I opened my mouth and told my young Mum group that I couldn't get enough sex right now. Only one woman nodded enthusiastically and said, 'Me too!'.
'This was followed by a stony silence and I knew revealing this wasn't going to make me popular.
'Most of them looked away and down at the floor, another looked angry, and one woman even rolled her eyes. Like, 'Of course she does', like I was some kind of s**t.
'A few of them really battled with being pregnant and didn't have a good time of it. They complained of feeling constantly exhausted and feeling sick all the time. I guess me bouncing in all happy and energetic was a slap in the face.
'The few comments that followed were, "Live it up now because we all know sex stops once there's a newborn in the house."
'Which is kind of true, though after the first baby and three months of parenting hell, my partner and I did resume sex enthusiastically again. The whole experience left me feeling punished for daring to feel sexual during this 'sacred' time.
'My partner's certainly not complaining though. It's been good for our sex life because you're forced to try new and different ways of getting it on.
'During the last pregnancy, when my tummy got big, we had to think outside the box of how to have intercourse (doggie is best) and comfortable positions for him to give me oral sex.
'I was never a fan of oral sex pre pregnancy, but I love it while pregnant because my clitoris is so sensitive.
'Pregnancy forums are full of chats with woman saying how horny they are while pregnant but that's because they're anonymous. You're supposed to be browsing Mothercare not watching porn online.
'Very few women will come out and admit it in public – probably because they're aware the ones who are avoiding sex like the plague don't want them to give their husbands any encouragement.'
Why do I feel more like sex while pregnant?
It's not you: sex can be better during pregnancy. Here's why:
You're high on hormones
Pregnancy causes a surge in oestrogen and progesterone to support the baby which can increase the drive for sex for some women.
Physical changes
Increased blood flow to the pelvic area can heighten sensitivity and arousal, making sex feel more pleasurable. Orgasms often feel deeper and more intense.
If you've had problems climaxing before, you're in for a pleasant surprise: orgasms can be easier to achieve and happen more frequently.
The vaginal canal is more lubricated which means sex is more comfortable.
Emotional shifts
Some women hate being pregnant, experience negative side-effects and feel sick and uncomfortable the whole way through.
Others have the opposite experience – their skin and hair glow and they feel more connected to their body.
The experience of creating life can be empowering, making some women feel more sensual than usual. So can looking curvy and feminine.
The bond with your partner is enhanced: you're created a child together. How clever are you and how romantic is that!
Don't panic if this isn't happening to you
Not all women feel this way. It's as common for your sex drive to disappear completely as it is for it to increase.
Sinead, 36, is five months pregnant and has been married eight years.
'My libido has gone from very low to off the charts during this pregnancy.
'I'm quite a shy person and unadventurous in bed. But my fantasies now are dark: they revolve around things like me being tied up and whipped or having sex with lots of men at once. I've never desired that sort of sex before.
'I haven't told my husband I'm abnormally aroused because we don't talk about sex even though I long to share this with him.
'It's ironic that the one time I feel sexual, I don't look sexy at all. I feel so unattractive because I've gained a lot of weight. The result is I'm constantly in a state of sexual frustration.
'I can tell my husband is trying not to show how grossed out he is by how much my body has changed, but he's not touched me sexually since the weight piled on.
'I'm satisfying myself by masturbating but feel disgusted with myself and embarrassed that I have these primal needs. I feel ugly and hideous a lot of the time.
'When my friends get pregnant, their husbands seemed more loving and adoring but mine isn't. He had a bad childhood – his father used to hit him and his mother - and I don't think he is coping well with the thought of being a father himself.
'He eyes up my belly with a disapproving expression on his face. I don't think he meant it in a negative way but he described feeling our baby move under my skin as "freaky and disgusting". He never wants to put his hand on my stomach to feel it kick.
'He says things like, "When this is all over…", like pregnancy is something be endured not enjoyed.
'It's such a shame because our sex life isn't great, and this could have really changed things. But my body image issues and his negativity about the whole experience put paid to that.'
What men really think of sex during pregnancy
Here's what six men told me when I asked what they thought of pregnancy sex:
'I think pregnant women are enormously sexy. I love their swollen breasts and belly. It makes a woman even more of a woman. I find watching women breast feed incredibly erotic as well – though that's something I tend to keep to myself!'
'She's never looked more beautiful – her skin, her hair, everything. She even smells different: I don't know what it is but it makes me feel aroused. Her vagina has changed as well. The feel and how I fit inside it. The big boobs thing is nice when she doesn't have much normally.'
'I felt incredibly protective over my son-to-be. The child took over the needs of my wife, who was well up for continuing sex right until the end. She wasn't happy about that, and she said it made her feel like she was already not being a 'good mum' for wanting sex when I thought it might harm the baby.'
'My sex drive evaporated the minute she said she was pregnant. The thought of putting my penis inside her was impossible. I imagined it squashing the tiny baby, banging its head about. I have never felt less like sex.'
'She's five months gone and the whole thing is stressing me out. I think it's because I'm not sure I want a child. My father was a terrible father and I'm lying awake at night worrying I will end up like him.'
'I would only say this anonymously, but I don't love the whole pregnant body vibe. I don't find it attractive. It feels like her body has been taken over by something and no longer for my pleasure. It doesn't mean I don't love her or think she's cute waddling about. But sexually it just didn't do it for me. She used to wear tiny little thongs and now her knickers are huge. It's off-putting.'