Banksying is the latest toxic dating trend, and you've probably already experienced it.
You may have already been a victim of banksying and didn't even know it. If you've had a partner who seems to slowly disappear from your life in strange but deliberate and perceptible ways – going as far as even destroying the evidence of your relationship, it's already been happening to you.
So what really is this toxic relationship term all about? "Banksying is when someone you like creates a strong romantic connection with you, and then vanishes without explanation. It's like a hit-and-run, but the car was a Bentley, and it left you spinning," said Connell Barrett, a dating coach and founder of Dating Transformation, "It comes from the street artist Banksy, who's famous for creating haunting murals—then he's gone without warning," said Barrett, who explained that in dating, it's the same move. "Someone makes you feel something special, and then vanishes," said Barrett.
'Copperfielding' might be the better name, he allows. "Because this isn't art—it's an illusion. They made you feel something magical, and then they made themselves disappear," said Barrett.
It's really rough and for those going through this, Banksying is more of a mind crush than even ghosting – which is terrible in its own right. "One minute you're thinking, 'This could be the one.' They seem very into you. Then suddenly… nothing. No closure. Just silence," said Barrett.
Barrett shared it happened to him once with a woman with whom he took improv classes. "On our first date, we were holding hands, cuddling, kissing. The bartender thought we were boyfriend-girlfriend. It felt like the beginning of something real. And I never heard from her again, and I was stunned. So yeah, I've been Banksy'd," said Barrett.
Barrett cautions that no matter how much you feel like you may need to, try to avoid the urge to ask, 'What did I do?' The truth is, you probably didn't do anything wrong. "Banksying is usually about the other person's fear. Flip the story," said Barrett. Try this mindset: 'I want someone who shows up fully, not someone who disappears.' This makes what happened about your higher standards, not about being rejected.
So why do people choose this way to end things? "It's conflict avoidance with a side order of self-protection. People who Banksy don't want the discomfort of telling you, 'We aren't a good fit.' Silence feels easier to them. They don't have to be the bad guy," said Barrett.
But to Barrett. It's even more than that. Banksying reflects a deeper dysfunction in dating today: "We perform intimacy without committing to emotional accountability. Apps and swipe culture have trained people to prioritize connection over consistency," said Barrett.
For Barrett. banksying is what happens when dating becomes a game of impression over intention—ghosting after making someone feel special. "That kind of dissonance is exhausting for anyone trying to date seriously," he said.
But there's good news: When someone Banksys you, they're actually doing you a favor. "In a way, their disappearing act is a gift. It saves you from months of mixed signals, letdowns and eventual heartache," said Barrett.
The right person won't vanish. "Together you'll create a lasting work of art. And unlike Banksy, you'll both be there to see it," said Barrett.
Solve the daily Crossword
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Yahoo
Joel Edgerton and Felicity Jones in Netflix's ‘Train Dreams' trailer: Everything to know about Clint Bentley's ‘Sing Sing' follow-up
On Thursday, Netflix unveiled the teaser trailer for Train Dreams, directed by Clint Bentley and starring Joel Edgerton. The film premiered to critical acclaim at Sundance, currently holds a 97 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and is already generating significant awards buzz. Bentley cowrote the screenplay with Greg Kwedar, marking their first collaboration since the Oscar-nominated Sing Sing. WHAT'S THE PLOT? The film follows Robert Grainier (Edgerton), a logger and railroad worker navigating life in the forests of the Pacific Northwest during early 20th-century America. It is adapted from Denis Johnson's Pulitzer Prize finalist novella of the same name. More from Gold Derby Eileen Davidson leads Daytime Emmy predictions for Best Drama Actress, but watch out for Nancy Lee Grahn 2025 Emmys: These are the episodes every Best Drama Supporting Actor nominee submitted Bentley has previously described the film as, 'a really special story and it feels very unique in that it is just about this one person's life. This very simple life. Robert Grainier doesn't do anything that really alters the course of history — he doesn't fight in some great battle or create some invention that changes people's lives, and yet he lives a very deep and rich life.' WHO'S IN THE CAST? Besides Edgerton, the film boasts an acclaimed cast that includes Academy Award nominees Felicity Jones, Kerry Condon and William H. Macy, as well as Nathaniel Arcand, Clifton Collins Jr., John Diehl, and Paul Schneider and is narrated by Will Patton. WHO ELSE IS BEHIND THE FILM The score is composed by Oscar nominee and multi-Grammy winner Bryce Dessner (The Two Popes, The Revenant). The film is produced by Marissa McMahon, Teddy Schwarzman, William Janowitz, Ashley Schlaifer, and Michael Heimler. WHEN IS THE RELEASE DATE? The film will make its international premiere at this year's Toronto International Film Festival, open in select theaters on Nov. 7 and debut on Netflix on Nov. 21. WATCH THE TRAILER Best of Gold Derby Everything to know about 'The Batman 2': Returning cast, script finalized Tom Cruise movies: 17 greatest films ranked worst to best 'It was wonderful to be on that ride': Christian Slater talks his beloved roles, from cult classics ('Heathers,' 'True Romance') to TV hits ('Mr. Robot,' 'Dexter: Original Sin') Click here to read the full article. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Yahoo
Banksy mural 'The Migrant Child' removed from Venetian palazzo for restoration
Art restorers have removed a deteriorating piece of graffiti by the street artist Banksy, titled 'The Migrant Child', from the side of a building overlooking a Venetian canal to preserve the work for future public display, officials said on Thursday. The removal from the wall of the 17th-century Palazzo San Pantalon was carried out in consultation with people close to the secretive British street artist, according to the Venice-based bank Banca Ifis' art programme. The Italian bank bought the building last year and is funding its entire restoration, mural included. The cost of the operation was not disclosed. The famous artwork depicts a shipwrecked child holding a pink smoke bomb and wearing a lifejacket. It appeared in Venice in May 2019, during the city's Biennale, and was acknowledged by Banksy. Initially serving as a commentary on the global refugee crisis, it has since become a tourist attraction. But six years of neglect and exposure to humidity and salt have led to the deterioration of about a third of the work, Banca Ifis said. Venice's mayor Luigi Brugnaro and the president of the Veneto region, Luca Zaia, had reached out to the Italian government for help. Vittorio Sgarbi, then the under-secretary for Culture, took it upon himself to restore the work. The restoration plan was first announced in 2023 but the initiative sparked anger among local architectural and artistic communities. "Banksy was no fool; he was fully aware that his waterside creation wasn't meant to endure. Restoring it goes against the grain", Evyrein, a local artist, told Euronews Culture in 2023. The restoration is being overseen by restorer Federico Borgogni. He previously removed dust and cleaned the surface before detaching a section of the palazzo's facade overnight Wednesday, Banca Ifis said in a statement. The bank intends to display the work to the public as part of free cultural events organized by Ifis art once restoration is completed. No time frame was given. Solve the daily Crossword
2 days ago
Banksy work 'The Migrant Child' removed from Venetian palazzo for restoration and future display
MILAN -- Art restorers have removed a deteriorating piece of graffiti by the street artist Banksy titled 'The Migrant Child' from the side of a building overlooking a Venetian canal to preserve the work for future public display, officials said Thursday. The removal from the wall of Palazzo San Pantalon was carried out in consultation with people close to the secretive British street artist, according to the Venice-based bank Banca Ifis' art program that promotes art and culture. The artwork depicting a shipwrecked child holding a pink smoke bomb and wearing a lifejacket appeared along Rio di San Pantalon in Venice in May 2019, and was acknowledged by Banksy. Marked on online maps, it has become a tourist destination. But six years of neglect had led to the deterioration of about a third of the work, the bank said. The restoration is being overseen by Federico Borgogni, who previously removed dust and cleaned the surface before detaching a section of the palazzo's facade overnight Wednesday, Banca Ifis said in a statement. The bank is financing the project, but didn't release the cost of the operation. The bank intends to display the work to the public as part of free cultural events organized by Ifis art once restoration is completed. No time frame was given.
