We take pride in being like our mothers, but some legacies need letting go
Is it also possible that behind that resilience was a woman who was tired, angry, lonely, but too dignified to say it out loud? (Photo: Generative AI)
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The writer wasn't vilifying her mother. She was simply questioning the legacy, the conditioning. And it made me wonder: how many of us are doing the exact same thing? Passing on the same quiet sacrifices with a ribbon of duty and love wrapped around them.'Many women grew up watching their mothers equate sacrifice with strength,' says Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist and founder of Gateway of Healing. 'They watched them hold families together, suppress emotions, stretch themselves thin, and somewhere, they absorbed the idea that this is what it means to be a good woman.'We often celebrate this as resilience. And to be fair, it is. But is it also possible that behind that resilience was a woman who was tired, angry, lonely, but too dignified to say it out loud?Absy Sam, a counselling psychologist based in Mumbai, opens up about this tug-of-war with honesty. 'My mother was a superwoman, a medical officer, a community teacher, a mother who did it all. But in doing it all, she lost bits of herself. I saw her take care of everyone's health but never really prioritise her own. That's one legacy I'm consciously breaking. I do not want to be a mom who has it all. I want to be a mom who is whole.'advertisementDr Tugnait calls it the myth of the 'one perfect role.'
Sridevi in a still from English Vinglish. (Photo: IMDb)
'Women were expected to be caregivers, peacemakers, and perfectionists. But life doesn't need one mask; it needs authenticity. It needs women to know they're allowed to be soft and assertive. Nurturing and angry. Devoted and ambitious.'The hardest part? The guilt.For most of us, stepping away from how our mothers conditioned us to be could feel like betrayal, even if it is for our survival. We struggle to separate gratitude from obligation. As Dr Chandni puts it, 'Gratitude says, 'I see you, I thank you, and now I'll walk my own way.' Obligation whispers, 'You owe her your choices.' But when we confuse the two, we end up living a life we didn't choose, out of love, yes, but also out of fear.'Anusree Sen, 58, is a Kolkata-based teacher born in the mid-60s as the fifth daughter in a traditional Indian family. She recalls how her own mother, despite being modern and educated, still couldn't support her fully when it came to big life decisions.advertisement'I was selected for a job in Delhi after a diploma from NIIT, a big deal back in 1990, but I was married off instead. Later, when I had a chance to work night shifts in a corporate job, I was asked to let it go for the sake of the family.' And yet, she adds, her mother's views evolved over time. 'As she saw how the world was changing, she encouraged us to let our daughters fly. Today, mine is pursuing a PhD in Sonipat, and I'm proud she has that freedom, and I also take pride in the fact that I let go of certain conditioning.'For Absy, the journey hasn't been about rejecting her mother, it's been about reclaiming what feels right. 'My mom taught me communication, consent, empathy; these are gifts I cherish and pass on to my daughter. But I'm also learning to say no, to rest, to not please everyone. I want my daughter to see that strength doesn't come from silence. It comes from boundaries.'advertisementThere's beauty in recognising both, what to hold on to, and what to let go of.Now, what many might wonder is: what about the men, the sons of the household? Shouldn't they also reflect on the legacies passed down by their mothers?The answer lies in recognising that simply watching their mothers endure everything, and assuming that's how it should be — is where the problem begins.There's a telling scene in the underrated film Akaash Vani (directed by Luv Ranjan), where Sunny Singh's character, Ravi, expects his wife to serve him dinner and do the 'needful' after he returns from work, even when she tells him she's in excruciating menstrual pain. His response? 'Humne apni maa ko toh kabhi kehte nahi suna ki woh down hain, isliye khaana khud lena padega.' (We never heard our mother say she was 'down,' so we had to get our own food.)
A still from Akaash Vani. (Photo: YouTube)
And that's exactly what men can unlearn. They should make sure, just because their mothers went through it, the story doesn't have to be repeated for their wives or daughters.And perhaps maybe, just maybe, one day our daughters and sons will say, 'I'm a lot like my mother. And I'm proud, not because she did it all, but because she chose what mattered. And she chose herself too.'- EndsMust Watch
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Business Standard
3 days ago
- Business Standard
CK Birla Hospitals, Jaipur deepens public health role with sustained community outreach in Rajasthan
VMPL Jaipur (Rajasthan) [India], August 14: In a city where non-communicable diseases are steadily rising and awareness often trails behind medical need, CK Birla Hospitals, Jaipur, appears to be quietly reshaping how healthcare engages with the public -- not just inside its ICUs and operating rooms, but also out in parks, auditoriums, school halls, and local radio airwaves. Over the past six months, the hospital has broadened its footprint beyond clinical care, running a range of initiatives aimed at preventive health, early diagnosis, and everyday well-being -- part of a growing shift in India's private healthcare space toward more sustained community engagement. From holding free health camps and community talks to creating localised radio campaigns in Hindi, the hospital's approach has leaned less on large-scale media spends and more on person-to-person contact -- meeting people where they are, whether that's in pensioner colonies, office canteens, or early morning walkers' groups. Building awareness, bit by bit Over 40 community health talks have been conducted in the last half-year alone, and hospital data shows that many of them were at RWAs, PSU offices, schools, and small businesses. Topics included the early warning signs of cardiac issues, understanding lifestyle-related cancers, and demystifying lesser-understood concerns like sleep apnea etc. Doctors conducting these sessions take questions directly from participants, many of whom may not have visited a hospital before. Many of the talks are timed with relevant global or national health days, which adds context and makes it easier to draw attention. On World Cancer Day and Mother's Day, for instance, awareness sessions focused on women's health, breast cancer myths, and the importance of preventive health checks. Health messaging on air In a state where local radio remains an influential medium for daily information, the hospital has used on-air campaigns to widen its message. On radio, CK Birla Hospitals, Jaipur ran a liver health series titled "Jaani Liver", aimed at educating listeners on fatty liver, hepatitis, and alcohol-related damage. Another programme, "Kidney Ka RJ", took on the growing issue of chronic kidney disease -- a condition that often goes undetected in its early stages. The tone across these shows was conversational, not clinical, blending basic education with real-life scenarios. One of the more hard-hitting campaigns was "Dhuandhaar Paari Ki Samaapti" -- a tobacco cessation series designed to coincide with No Tobacco Day. 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The message was simple but relevant: public health and environmental health are increasingly interlinked. The hospital also organised a walkathon to promote the benefits of regular physical activity. In another effort tied to World Yoga Day, it hosted a 7-day yoga event across city parks, community spaces, and the hospital campus, drawing participation from over 2,500 people -- ranging from students to senior citizens. Looking ahead: a community run for heart health Later this year, on September 21, the hospital will conduct the third edition of its flagship public health event -- Run for Heart, held in observance of World Heart Day. The event, which draws over a thousand participants annually, is expected to feature three categories: a 3 km fun run, and 5 km and 10 km timed runs. Shaping perception, slowly but steadily While public-private partnerships and policy-level interventions often dominate headlines, much of the slow, grassroots-level shift in health awareness tends to happen through quieter efforts like these -- layered over time, embedded in local culture, and shaped more by trust than by branding. In Jaipur, where access to modern healthcare has improved but awareness gaps still persist, particularly in preventive care and early diagnosis, CK Birla Hospital's approach may be helping narrow the divide. Technology driving advanced care Alongside its community initiatives, CK Birla Hospitals, Jaipur continues to strengthen its role as a centre for advanced medical technology. The hospital offers high-end robotic surgery for soft tissue procedures in gynaecology, urology, and general surgery, performed by an experienced team of specialists. 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India Today
01-08-2025
- India Today
One Puff, Many Scars: A Journey Inside Smoker's Lungs
(This article has been critically reviewed by medical experts - Dr. Radhika Banka, Consultant, Respiratory Physician, P. D. Hinduja Hospital & Medical Research Centre, and Dr Vibhu Kawatra, Pulmonologist Paediatrician and Allergy Specialist, New Delhi) Take a deep breath. Now imagine that same breath filled with invisible toxins — chemicals you can't see, but ones that start damaging your lungs from the very first inhale. One breath at a time, the harm begins. India is now home to over 100 million adult smokers — one of the highest in the world. And the consequences are catching up with us. Lung cancer, which is directly linked to tobacco use, has emerged as the leading cause of cancer-related deaths globally — and India is no exception. From quick chai breaks and shared suttas (cigarettes) outside college canteens and office buildings to the deeply rooted social habit of smoking beedis in rural corners of the country, tobacco use has long been woven into the everyday fabric of Indian life. But behind this casual culture of smoking lies a health crisis we've largely ignored. Despite the growing awareness of risks associated with tobacco, smoking is still socially accepted and alarmingly common across age groups and geographies. From the affordable beedi in the village to premium cigarettes in metro cities, access to tobacco is easy, and quitting remains difficult. This chai-sutta culture might seem harmless, even nostalgic to some. But beneath the smoke lies a deadly truth — one that India can no longer afford to ignore. THE FIRST SMOKE Credit: Generative AI The moment you take a puff or are exposed to passive smoking — you're drawing in more than just smoke. You're inhaling a toxic cocktail of chemicals such as tar, carbon monoxide, ammonia, and formaldehyde. These particles enter your airways and irritate the lining of your lungs, setting off a chain reaction of inflammation and tissue stress. Even a single inhalation can cause airways to swell and produce excess mucus. With regular exposure, this becomes a chronic condition, paving the way for long-term and irreversible respiratory damage. HEALTHY LUNGS VS. SMOKERS' LUNGS Healthy lungs are pink, spongy, and elastic. They expand freely, drawing in oxygen and releasing carbon dioxide efficiently. Cilia and alveoli work together to keep the lungs clean and functioning. In contrast, smokers' lungs are darkened, stiff, and scarred. Tar and chemicals blacken the tissue, and the lungs gradually lose their flexibility. This reduces their ability to absorb oxygen, making every breath less effective over time. When one smokes, these alveolar sacs are damaged, and instead of remaining a grape-like structure, they change to the form of a balloon. This impairs gas exchange and leads to increased breathlessness. DISEASES LINKED TO SMOKING Smoking significantly increases the risk of over 60 serious illnesses. Key among them are: Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD): Lungs lose elasticity, trapping air and making exhalation difficult. Studies show that smoking is often responsible for 9 out of 10 cases of COPD. It pertains to the lining of the lungs and the airways. It swells the air tubes and destroys the air sacs. Lung cancer: Caused by DNA mutations in lung cells from prolonged exposure to toxic chemicals. What's more concerning is that lung cancer often goes undetected until it's too late. By the time symptoms like chronic cough or chest pain appear, the disease is often in an advanced stage, leaving limited treatment options. And while there are public campaigns and warnings, they are no match for the addictive nature of nicotine and the cultural normalisation of the chai-sutta ritual. Heart disease: Smoke narrows blood vessels, increases blood pressure, and reduces oxygen supply to the heart. Stroke and vascular issues: Smoking thickens the blood and promotes artery blockages, raising the risk of brain and circulatory damage. IMPACT ON LUNG CELLS (MICROSCOPIC DAMAGE) Your lungs are lined with millions of alveoli, these are tiny air sacs that enable oxygen to enter the bloodstream and carbon dioxide to be expelled. Cigarette smoke destroys these alveoli, causing inflammation, rupture, and scarring. Once damaged, alveoli do not regenerate. The cilia, tiny hair-like structures responsible for sweeping out dust and microbes, are also paralysed or destroyed, leaving the lungs vulnerable to infection and buildup of harmful substances. Lung function tests or spirometry objectively measure lung capacity. Smoking can cause limitations on spirometry, known as airflow obstruction, which can be easily picked up. WHAT YEARS OF SMOKING LOOKS LIKE Smoking damage is not always immediate — but it is cumulative. After 1 year: Chronic cough and noticeable shortness of breath may develop. Regular smokers are also at the risk of COPD depending on the frequency of smoking as well as the kind of smoke. Experts warn that Beedi is more lethal than cigarettes. Hookah without a filter is the worst for your lung health. After 5 years: Risk of stroke and heart attack rises significantly. After 10–20 years: The risk of lung cancer and COPD is dramatically higher. Lung capacity may be less than 50% of its original function. Even if symptoms aren't felt early on, the internal damage builds with every puff. As smoking-related diseases rise, India seems to be staring at a mounting public health burden. And data paints a grim picture. In India, the incidence of cancer cases is likely to increase from 1.46 million in 2022 to 1.57 million in 2025, according to the Indian Council of Medical Research (ICMR). CAN LUNGS RECOVER? The good news: Yes, your lungs can recover — to a point. Within days of quitting, oxygen levels in the blood begin to improve. After a few weeks, cilia start to repair themselves, helping to clear mucus and reduce infections. Over months and years, lung function improves, and the risk of cancer and cardiovascular disease declines. Statistically, smoking can cut your life short by 10 to 15 years. But if you stop smoking by age 30, you can get back almost all of those years. Just one year after quitting, your chance of having a heart attack drops by half. After four years, your heart health becomes as good as someone who never smoked. If you stay away from smoking for five years, your risk of getting smoking-related cancer drops by 50%, according to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). After 15 years of quitting, your cancer risk becomes the same as that of a person who has never smoked. However, scar tissue and destroyed alveoli do not regenerate. Lifestyle improvement will result in instantaneous improvement in symptoms of cough and breathlessness. A sustained improvement in lifestyle may eventually show improvement in lung function, but typically damage to the lung secondary to smoking is usually irreversible. In short, the longer you smoke, the harder it is for your lungs to heal completely. Early intervention is key. Photo credits: Adobe Stock, Getty Images, Generative AI Glossary of Terms Spirometer: It is a medical device used to measure how well your lungs are working. COPD: Short for chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. It is a progressive long-term lung disorder. Alveoli: These are tiny balloon-like air sacs in our lungs where the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide take place. Cilia: Tiny hair-like structures responsible for sweeping out dust and microbes.
India Today
21-07-2025
- India Today
Why young Indian couples are putting on the kilos
There's the mirror effect: 'When your partner reaches for chips, you do too. When they skip their morning run, so do you." (Photo: Generative AI) More than one in four young married couples in India is overweight or obese Food apps increase availability of high-calorie meals leading to weight gain Emotional eating and partner influence contribute to unhealthy habits Young, married, and seemingly thriving, but is it all good for the body? As incomes rise, food apps multiply, and the late-night snacking gets fancier, young urban Indian couples are seeing a not-so-cute side effect: they're gaining weight together. According to a recent Indian Council of Medical Research (ICMR) study, more than one in four young married couples in India is either overweight or obese. So, what's really going on? Is love making us lazy? Or are couples just eating their way into comfort? WHEN FOOD IS JUST A SWIPE AWAY 'The availability of high-calorie dishes through food apps is making things worse,' says Dr. Pradeep Kumar Jain, Chairman, GI Oncology, Minimal Access & Bariatric Surgery at Fortis Shalimar Bagh. Dr. Jain says he's seen a steady rise in obesity, diabetes, hypertension and fatty liver disease among young patients in the last few years. Most of them are urban, newly married, and eating well but moving very little. There's a steady rise in obesity, diabetes, hypertension and fatty liver disease among young patients in the last few years. () 'Most of them are late sleepers who keep eating till late hours. Affluence and sedentary lifestyles where satisfying the senses matters more is a perfect recipe for obesity,' he tells THE PARTNER EFFECT: DOUBLE THE FUN, DOUBLE THE FAT? 'Couples influence each other heavily in all aspects of life,' explains Dr. Jain, 'including eating habits, partying, and exercise routines. So, if both partners enjoy the same kind of sedentary lifestyle, then weight gain becomes almost inevitable.' He adds that young couples from wealthy families, with fewer responsibilities, often lean toward a 'fun-loving lifestyle' filled with late-night parties, eating out, and endless binge-watching. Add to that India's rich food culture, carb-heavy diets, sweets, red meat, alcohol in certain states, and you've got yourself a weighty problem. AFTER THE WEDDING COMES... LESS WALKING There seems to be a significant drop in physical activity after marriage. Physical appearance becomes less of a priority. People start eating elaborate meals outside, work late hours, and get busy with future financial planning. And then there's the impact on women. India's rich food culture, carb-heavy diets, sweets, red meat, alcohol in certain states lead to a weighty problem. (Photo: India Today) 'Infertility and PCOD are associated with obesity,' says Dr. Jain. 'So social and marital life can take a hit post-marriage. Men, on the other hand, become more career-focused and start ignoring physical health.' EMOTIONAL WEIGHT: WHY LOVE MAKES US EAT MORE Dr. Sandhya Sharma, Consultant Psychologist at Dharamshila Narayana Superspeciality Hospital, puts it simply: 'The comfort trap.' 'Once you find 'the one', the pressure to look perfect fades. You order dessert without guilt. Skip the gym because your partner loves you anyway,' she explains. 'It's beautiful but dangerous.' According to Dr. Sharma, food becomes a couple's love language. Midnight biryani runs, ice cream after fights -- calories are now emotional currency. Then there's the mirror effect: 'When your partner reaches for chips, you do too. When they skip their morning run, so do you.' She also reveals an overlooked emotional trigger. 'Couple fights raise stress hormones that make you crave sugar and carbs. That post-argument ice cream? It's not just emotional, it's biological.' The list of modern culprits is long: there's the restaurant dating culture where every milestone is celebrated with a heavy meal, screen-time bonding, and the promise of working out together until one quits the gym. 'Daily exercise together, eating a light dinner, and motivating each other instead of making fun of each other's weight, these are key things to do,' advises Dr. Jain. THE SILENT WEIGHT PACT (AND HOW TO BREAK IT) Once married, couples often slip into a shared zone of indulgence. The pressure to stay fit takes a backseat. But here's the flip side: just as couples fall into bad habits together, they can get healthier together too. When one partner starts prioritising wellness -- getting regular check-ups, walking more, or ditching sugar -- the other often follows suit. The healthiest couples? They treat fitness as part of their relationship, not outside of it. They cook together. Exercise together. Even weigh in together. And when they fight? They talk it out, instead of eating it out. "Because the best kind of growing old together is doing it in bodies that can actually keep up with your dreams," says Dr. Sharma. Young, married, and seemingly thriving, but is it all good for the body? As incomes rise, food apps multiply, and the late-night snacking gets fancier, young urban Indian couples are seeing a not-so-cute side effect: they're gaining weight together. According to a recent Indian Council of Medical Research (ICMR) study, more than one in four young married couples in India is either overweight or obese. So, what's really going on? Is love making us lazy? Or are couples just eating their way into comfort? WHEN FOOD IS JUST A SWIPE AWAY 'The availability of high-calorie dishes through food apps is making things worse,' says Dr. Pradeep Kumar Jain, Chairman, GI Oncology, Minimal Access & Bariatric Surgery at Fortis Shalimar Bagh. Dr. Jain says he's seen a steady rise in obesity, diabetes, hypertension and fatty liver disease among young patients in the last few years. Most of them are urban, newly married, and eating well but moving very little. There's a steady rise in obesity, diabetes, hypertension and fatty liver disease among young patients in the last few years. () 'Most of them are late sleepers who keep eating till late hours. Affluence and sedentary lifestyles where satisfying the senses matters more is a perfect recipe for obesity,' he tells THE PARTNER EFFECT: DOUBLE THE FUN, DOUBLE THE FAT? 'Couples influence each other heavily in all aspects of life,' explains Dr. Jain, 'including eating habits, partying, and exercise routines. So, if both partners enjoy the same kind of sedentary lifestyle, then weight gain becomes almost inevitable.' He adds that young couples from wealthy families, with fewer responsibilities, often lean toward a 'fun-loving lifestyle' filled with late-night parties, eating out, and endless binge-watching. Add to that India's rich food culture, carb-heavy diets, sweets, red meat, alcohol in certain states, and you've got yourself a weighty problem. AFTER THE WEDDING COMES... LESS WALKING There seems to be a significant drop in physical activity after marriage. Physical appearance becomes less of a priority. People start eating elaborate meals outside, work late hours, and get busy with future financial planning. And then there's the impact on women. India's rich food culture, carb-heavy diets, sweets, red meat, alcohol in certain states lead to a weighty problem. (Photo: India Today) 'Infertility and PCOD are associated with obesity,' says Dr. Jain. 'So social and marital life can take a hit post-marriage. Men, on the other hand, become more career-focused and start ignoring physical health.' EMOTIONAL WEIGHT: WHY LOVE MAKES US EAT MORE Dr. Sandhya Sharma, Consultant Psychologist at Dharamshila Narayana Superspeciality Hospital, puts it simply: 'The comfort trap.' 'Once you find 'the one', the pressure to look perfect fades. You order dessert without guilt. Skip the gym because your partner loves you anyway,' she explains. 'It's beautiful but dangerous.' According to Dr. Sharma, food becomes a couple's love language. Midnight biryani runs, ice cream after fights -- calories are now emotional currency. Then there's the mirror effect: 'When your partner reaches for chips, you do too. When they skip their morning run, so do you.' She also reveals an overlooked emotional trigger. 'Couple fights raise stress hormones that make you crave sugar and carbs. That post-argument ice cream? It's not just emotional, it's biological.' The list of modern culprits is long: there's the restaurant dating culture where every milestone is celebrated with a heavy meal, screen-time bonding, and the promise of working out together until one quits the gym. 'Daily exercise together, eating a light dinner, and motivating each other instead of making fun of each other's weight, these are key things to do,' advises Dr. Jain. THE SILENT WEIGHT PACT (AND HOW TO BREAK IT) Once married, couples often slip into a shared zone of indulgence. The pressure to stay fit takes a backseat. But here's the flip side: just as couples fall into bad habits together, they can get healthier together too. When one partner starts prioritising wellness -- getting regular check-ups, walking more, or ditching sugar -- the other often follows suit. The healthiest couples? They treat fitness as part of their relationship, not outside of it. They cook together. Exercise together. Even weigh in together. And when they fight? They talk it out, instead of eating it out. "Because the best kind of growing old together is doing it in bodies that can actually keep up with your dreams," says Dr. Sharma. Join our WhatsApp Channel
