As a Homemaker, I'm Fed Up with Having No Financial Freedom

Yomiuri Shimbun

11-05-2025

The Japan News
Dear Troubleshooter:
I'm a homemaker in my 30s and have a 1-year-old child.
My husband gives me ¥80,000 in allowance every month and says to keep half in the individual-type defined contribution pension plan (iDeCo) and the Nippon Individual Savings Account small-lot investment system, known as NISA. He also says I should discuss with him what to use the rest of the money for before spending it.
I had a fight with him last year when I told him I want to buy a ¥7,000 set of commemorative stamps featuring a well-known athlete. He told me I should not spend money on such things, saying, 'It's a waste of money to buy something that can't be sold later.' But I disagree because I would feel happy just by owning them.
I bought the stamps with savings I accrued before we got married. But we fought again when I told him about the purchase. He told me to cancel the NISA account immediately. 'Give me back everything accrued on the account as my money was used,' he said.
I became a homemaker because he wanted me to stay home for our child. I rarely buy things for myself. I'm fed up with having to be financially dependent on him and having no financial freedom.
R, Tokyo
Dear Ms. R:
People perceive the value of money according to the era and environment in which they grew up, so it is natural for even a wife and a husband to have opposing views.
You cannot judge which is better between a wife who finds happiness in commemorative stamps of heroes, and a husband who views value according to resale prices at a recycling market, since they navigate the world differently.
That said, you seem to have far greater financial literacy than your husband, who demanded that you cancel an investment account that only serves a purpose if active long-term.
For you, I think the real issue is not about money. You think you are financially dependent on your husband, but he is also, if I were to use the same expression, dependent on you for chores and child-rearing. You should confirm your respective roles first, instead of talking about dependence, since a husband and a wife are equal.
If he refuses to do so and continues to one-sidedly restrict your spending and deprive you of your freedom, which could mentally drive you into a corner, this could constitute abuse. You can contact the Japan Legal Support Center for assistance.
I believe the work of a homemaker cannot be translated into financial value; the homemaker's existence itself is meaningful. Your husband can work without concern because you are at home taking care of the child. There is no question that wives also need days off, and things to treat themselves with.
Hazuki Saisho, writer