As a Homemaker, I'm Fed Up with Having No Financial Freedom
Dear Troubleshooter:
I'm a homemaker in my 30s and have a 1-year-old child.
My husband gives me ¥80,000 in allowance every month and says to keep half in the individual-type defined contribution pension plan (iDeCo) and the Nippon Individual Savings Account small-lot investment system, known as NISA. He also says I should discuss with him what to use the rest of the money for before spending it.
I had a fight with him last year when I told him I want to buy a ¥7,000 set of commemorative stamps featuring a well-known athlete. He told me I should not spend money on such things, saying, 'It's a waste of money to buy something that can't be sold later.' But I disagree because I would feel happy just by owning them.
I bought the stamps with savings I accrued before we got married. But we fought again when I told him about the purchase. He told me to cancel the NISA account immediately. 'Give me back everything accrued on the account as my money was used,' he said.
I became a homemaker because he wanted me to stay home for our child. I rarely buy things for myself. I'm fed up with having to be financially dependent on him and having no financial freedom.
R, Tokyo
Dear Ms. R:
People perceive the value of money according to the era and environment in which they grew up, so it is natural for even a wife and a husband to have opposing views.
You cannot judge which is better between a wife who finds happiness in commemorative stamps of heroes, and a husband who views value according to resale prices at a recycling market, since they navigate the world differently.
That said, you seem to have far greater financial literacy than your husband, who demanded that you cancel an investment account that only serves a purpose if active long-term.
For you, I think the real issue is not about money. You think you are financially dependent on your husband, but he is also, if I were to use the same expression, dependent on you for chores and child-rearing. You should confirm your respective roles first, instead of talking about dependence, since a husband and a wife are equal.
If he refuses to do so and continues to one-sidedly restrict your spending and deprive you of your freedom, which could mentally drive you into a corner, this could constitute abuse. You can contact the Japan Legal Support Center for assistance.
I believe the work of a homemaker cannot be translated into financial value; the homemaker's existence itself is meaningful. Your husband can work without concern because you are at home taking care of the child. There is no question that wives also need days off, and things to treat themselves with.
Hazuki Saisho, writer
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yomiuri Shimbun
12-07-2025
- Yomiuri Shimbun
Terrifying Yokosuka Air Raid Experienced by Teenage Girl; Now 95, Woman Recalls Seeing Stricken Battleship Nagato
Fumi Takahashi was 15 years old when she experienced the U.S. aerial bombing of the Yokosuka military port in Kanagawa Prefecture on July 18, 1945. The air raid near the end of the Pacific War targeted the battleship Nagato, which was anchored in front of her workplace. Takahashi, from Iwaki, Fukushima Prefecture, was mobilized into a student labor unit and was at the Yokosuka military port that day. She escaped to a basement and survived, and later beheld the tragic sight of the heavily damaged Nagato, which had been regarded as the symbol of the Imperial Japanese Navy's Combined Fleet. Her interview with The Japan News was the first time Takahashi has spoken to the media about those moments of terror 80 years ago. 'When I waved to the sailors on the Nagato, which was moored at the quay, they would wave back with signal flags.' Now 95 years old, Takahashi still vividly remembers the scene at Yokosuka military port. Takahashi and 281 other third-year students from Iwaki Girls High School, now Fukushima Prefectural Iwaki Sakuragaoka High School, were mobilized as student labor in November 1944 and departed for Yokosuka. Takahashi was assigned to the Yokosuka Naval Arsenal, where she began living in a dormitory with four others. Ten people from two teams, including Takahashi, went to a small hut directly above the dock every day. 'We scraped the sides of metal boxes and painted numbers on them with green paint,' Takahashi recalls. Information was strictly controlled, and even now, she does not know what the boxes were used Nagato was moored in front of her workplace. It had been the flagship of the Combined Fleet during the attack on Pearl Harbor on Dec. 8, 1941 (Japan time), and was a symbol of the Japanese Navy. For Takahashi, it was also the ship aboard which her elementary school teacher had served, and its imposing presence filled her with emotion. The U.S. military, which had occupied Saipan and Tinian in the Mariana Islands, began full-scale aerial bombings on the Japanese mainland around November 1944. The largest air raid on Yokosuka, with hundreds of U.S. bombers, began on the afternoon of July 18, 1945. 'I had finished eating my lunch and was working in the afternoon,' Takahashi recalls. A loud alarm sounded, and they were told to evacuate to the basement. When a hatch under the floor was opened, a rope and iron ladder leading to the basement of the dock stretched straight down. The dimly lit interior of the dock seemed to lead to the 'bottomless pit.' When 10 students reached the second landing halfway down, the ground suddenly shook violently. 'Mother!' 'God!' everyone screamed. A bomb had fallen near their workplace. Takahashi recalled, 'The ladder swayed like a swing, and I thought, 'This is it.'' After a while, there was a loud voice from above saying, 'Come up!' When they climbed up and came out, the workplace was completely destroyed. The students jumped out of the broken windows. Some fell onto green paint that was splattered about, and their clothes became covered in students were told to 'go to the mountain air-raid shelter' and started running. Takahashi said, 'A young soldier from the Kaiten human torpedo unit appeared and carried me on his back. Nine others followed behind, crying.' As dusk fell, Takahashi stepped outside the air-raid shelter to find the landscape completely transformed. There were large holes in the ground, and muddy water was flowing everywhere. When she approached the dock where the workplace was located, the Nagato was severely damaged and listing. Many of the ships that had been anchored there had sunk and were nowhere to be seen. According to the book 'Yokosuka,' an official history of the city, the Nagato was hit by bombs in its bridge and other areas. More than 40 people, including members of the Nagato's crew, are said to have been killed in this air August 15, the war ended, and Takahashi boarded a crowded train with her classmates and returned to her hometown. At the end of the war, the Nagato was the only Japanese battleship still operational. After being seized by the U.S. military, it was used as a target ship in atomic bomb tests conducted at Bikini Atoll in July 1946 and sunk. Takahashi agreed to an interview because her children told her, 'With fewer and fewer people testifying about the war, Mom has a responsibility to tell the story.'Amid postwar turmoil, she worked as a substitute teacher at an elementary school for about two years before getting married. She raised three children and was blessed with four grandchildren. Her house, severely damaged in the 2011 Great East Japan Earthquake and later reconstructed with its original materials, is over 130 years old. Small shrines and a Buddhist altar are lined up in her home, and every morning she offers water and rice and prays for those who died in the Pacific War, saying in her mind: 'The war was terrible. Please rest in peace.' Then, with the hope that war will never happen again, she repeats, 'Daijobu, daijobu [It's okay, it's okay].' For Takahashi, it's a mantra to say, 'It's going to be all right.'
Yomiuri Shimbun
11-05-2025
- Yomiuri Shimbun
As a Homemaker, I'm Fed Up with Having No Financial Freedom
The Japan News Dear Troubleshooter: I'm a homemaker in my 30s and have a 1-year-old child. My husband gives me ¥80,000 in allowance every month and says to keep half in the individual-type defined contribution pension plan (iDeCo) and the Nippon Individual Savings Account small-lot investment system, known as NISA. He also says I should discuss with him what to use the rest of the money for before spending it. I had a fight with him last year when I told him I want to buy a ¥7,000 set of commemorative stamps featuring a well-known athlete. He told me I should not spend money on such things, saying, 'It's a waste of money to buy something that can't be sold later.' But I disagree because I would feel happy just by owning them. I bought the stamps with savings I accrued before we got married. But we fought again when I told him about the purchase. He told me to cancel the NISA account immediately. 'Give me back everything accrued on the account as my money was used,' he said. I became a homemaker because he wanted me to stay home for our child. I rarely buy things for myself. I'm fed up with having to be financially dependent on him and having no financial freedom. R, Tokyo Dear Ms. R: People perceive the value of money according to the era and environment in which they grew up, so it is natural for even a wife and a husband to have opposing views. You cannot judge which is better between a wife who finds happiness in commemorative stamps of heroes, and a husband who views value according to resale prices at a recycling market, since they navigate the world differently. That said, you seem to have far greater financial literacy than your husband, who demanded that you cancel an investment account that only serves a purpose if active long-term. For you, I think the real issue is not about money. You think you are financially dependent on your husband, but he is also, if I were to use the same expression, dependent on you for chores and child-rearing. You should confirm your respective roles first, instead of talking about dependence, since a husband and a wife are equal. If he refuses to do so and continues to one-sidedly restrict your spending and deprive you of your freedom, which could mentally drive you into a corner, this could constitute abuse. You can contact the Japan Legal Support Center for assistance. I believe the work of a homemaker cannot be translated into financial value; the homemaker's existence itself is meaningful. Your husband can work without concern because you are at home taking care of the child. There is no question that wives also need days off, and things to treat themselves with. Hazuki Saisho, writer
Yomiuri Shimbun
04-05-2025
- Yomiuri Shimbun
My Wife is Pregnant, But I Want a Divorce Because We Have Different Values
The Japan News Dear Troubleshooter: I'm a male company employee in my 30s. I've been married for three years, and my wife is six months pregnant. I'm thinking about getting a divorce because we don't share the same values. My wife thinks that I should pay for all the household expenses as the husband, but I think that she should also help since we both work. I didn't like her idea but respected her opinion for the time being. I was optimistic and thought things would change once we have a baby. When we went to our favorite slightly high-end restaurant the other day, I told her that we won't be able to eat here as often once the baby is born. But my wife looked confused. She said she had no intention of changing her standard of living after giving birth and that I should continue to pay for all the expenses. I was speechless. My wife doesn't like to talk about things, so we can't reach some kind of compromise. Our child will be born soon, but I'm feeling more anxious than excited. I'm feeling more strongly that I want to get a divorce to make things easier. What should I do? J, Tokyo Dear Mr. J: It's not just that you feel as if you don't share the same values, but you're also no longer in love with her, so you're considering getting a divorce. In general, divorce is possible in Western countries if one party wants one. This means that couples need to work to find a compromise by having discussions, so they won't be hated by the other party. However, in Japan, unless someone cheats or there is domestic violence, divorce is rarely granted if only one party wants one. I don't think your wife will agree to a divorce, even if neither of you care for each other, as you're necessary for her to maintain her lifestyle. The only way to get away from the situation is if you play the bad guy. You could get a divorce by separating and going through mediation or court procedures on the grounds that you two have different values. However, this process will take time, and people might view you differently. You might also experience financial hardship. You could choose this option if you don't mind the negatives. Why don't you try and see your marriage as a partnership to raise a child? Try to manage the family finances without your wife by telling her it is for the sake of your child. You can raise your child while expressing your opinions, even if you cannot discuss things with your wife. I'm not sure if your marriage will continue, but you can consider this time as a period of self-growth. Masahiro Yamada, university professor
