Latest news with #emotionalaffair
Washington Post
4 days ago
- Washington Post
Asking Eric: Husband's emotional affair upends relationship
Dear Eric: Several months ago, I discovered my husband was having an emotional affair with a co-worker. He shared significant things with her he didn't share with me, sought her advice on how to hide his alcohol abuse from me and talked to her about our arguments, while she fueled the negativity against me and trashed me. He also discussed intimate details of our sex life with her which I never consented to being shared.
Yahoo
20-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Your Significant Other May Be 'Cushioning' And You Wouldn't Even Know It
Years ago, writer Sara C. felt palpable chemistry with a coworker. She had been married for 14 years at the time, but her friendship with the man was flirtatious and she started to fixate on it. They communicated regularly and had coffee dates. Then they slept together. But a line was crossed even before the physical relationship began: Sara had invested in a figment of a relationship until it became a real one, to the detriment of her marriage. 'My affair definitely started out as an emotional affair,' said Sara, whose last name has been withheld to protect her privacy. 'I think many people in steady relationships sometimes stagnate or get into tiffs that remain unresolved.' 'Whether it's boredom or complacency or unresolved frustration, I'm not sure,' she added. 'But it makes them see other people in a different light and can elevate the human connection.' Those lingering connections are sometimes called backburner relationships. A 'backburner' is 'a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication, in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement,' according to a 2014 study in Computers in Human Behavior. The concept has also been called 'cushioning' ― as in, 'I have a Plan B ready to cushion the blow if Meg and I don't work out.' It's more than just a 'what-if' situation, though. Backburner relationships require relatively frequent communication, Jayson Dibble, the 2014 study's lead author and an assistant professor of communication at Hope College, told The Atlantic at the time. These affairs of the heart ― and of the imagination ― make sense from an evolutionary standpoint: If the goal is to have as many options as possible for reproduction, the occasional Instagram 'like' and 'wanna get coffee?' text is easy enough to maintain. At the same time, you ensure your future offspring will have someone to care for them by staying with your partner. Marriage and family therapist Elisabeth LaMotte likens cushioning to a 'pre-meditated version of rebounding.' Cushioning typically indicates an inability to exist without a relationship, she said. And more often than not, our backburner fulfills (or seems to fulfill) something that's missing in our primary relationship. 'With cushioning, you're usually cultivating a secret flirtation with someone who represents an exaggerated rebellion against challenges in one's current relationship. For example, someone who is dating a successful but anxious partner might cushion with a relaxed partner who is unable to keep a job,' she said. 'But cushioning denies both parties a chance to see if the anxiousness (or any other challenges) might be lessened through communication and effort with our primary partners.' We imagine the grass is greener on the other side ― and in the process, we short-shrift what very well may be a solid relationship. Once pursued, backburner relationships are subject to the same frustrating, everyday complications any other couple experiences. Sometimes, the relationship peters out quickly or forces you to grapple with your own unresolved issues. This was the case for comedian and writer Xaxier Toby. Six years ago, Toby pursued a relationship with a friend of a friend he'd always had 'If only I were single...' thoughts about. 'I'd just been dumped and instead of dealing with that, I leaped straight to the backburner,' said Toby, who has written a number of comedy books including Mining My Own Business. 'It didn't go anywhere, of course, and just delayed me dealing with the pain of a breakup, with the bonus of unfairly messing with someone and involving them in the emotional mess that was me at that time,' he added. Toby said he now understands why backburner relationships are so common. 'They provide a little jolt of validation that you might be missing in your relationship due to turmoil, but that's all they'll ever be,' he said. 'They're like sugar. Instantly gratifying, addictive, but without any nutritional value.' Cushioning is unfair to both your current partner and the person acting as your cushion, said Samantha Burns, a dating coach and the author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back. They're also unhealthy for you. 'Cushioning stems from a place of insecurity, or underlying feelings of dissatisfaction in your current relationship,' she said. 'If you're cushioning, ask yourself why you need the outside attention and validation. Is it making up for some needs that are not being met in your relationship? Is it distracting you from acknowledging that you're unhappy or disconnected from your partner?' Take your time if you need it. But if you realize you want to refocus on your primary relationship, do so with intentionality. 'When you're more insightful and mindful about your thoughts and feelings, you can figure out if you want to remain in your relationship and communicate with your partner instead of going outside the boundaries of your relationship,' Burns said. 'Successful couples turn inwards, not outwards.' Related Coverage This Is What An Emotional Affair Is -- And What It Isn't If You've Just Been Cheated On, Here's What To Do Next You'll Never Guess Who Is Having The Most Extramarital Affairs
Washington Post
25-06-2025
- General
- Washington Post
Still pining for my old emotional-affair partner. Hax readers give advice.
We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Some of the best responses are below. Dear Carolyn: I miss my emotional-affair partner. Three years ago, I (married) was on a fellowship in another country and fell head-over-heels for another man. It never turned physical, but that's on him. I … desperately miss the emotional closeness, and I cannot let go of the desire to tell him everything.
Daily Mail
06-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE The subtle red flags that 'disturbed' Hugh Jackman's ex... now she knows the truth was hiding in plain sight
Hugh Jackman 's new lover Sutton Foster attempted to befriend his wife in the run up to their shock divorce by going on double dates with the couple. Deborra-Lee Furness suspected that Foster was having an emotional affair with her husband and was left 'disturbed' by her attempts to befriend her, the Daily Mail can reveal. But the Australian actress is taking comfort that the pair's actions, will 'all come back around to them', according to an insider. Furness, 69, and Jackman, 56, announced their split in a statement in September 2023, telling fans that they were 'shifting' and as a result had decided to 'separate to pursue our individual growth'. Rumors soon followed of a romance between Jackman and Foster, with the Music Man co-stars later confirming they were an item in January, with what fans deemed a staged picture of them leaving a Los Angeles restaurant hand-in-hand. Furness is said to be livid at Foster for trying to get close to her, and believes she should take accountability for the break down of her marriage to the Wolverine star, with whom she has adopted children Oscar, 25, and daughter Ava, 19. 'The fact that Sutton used to go on double dates and tried so hard to befriend Deb is extremely disturbing to her,' an insider exclusively told the Daily Mail. 'She will never have anything to do with Sutton. 'Deb is friends with Sutton's ex and they both share a deep sense of betrayal.' Foster was married to screenwriter Ted Griffin from 2014 until 2024. They are parents to adopted daughter Emily, seven. Furness 'cannot forgive' Foster, who starred in Younger and Bunheads, because she feels she 'played a role in the breakdown of her marriage' and believes the Broadway star 'should take accountability for this.' 'Deb released her statement and is now focusing on moving forward with her life,' our insider said. 'She has done the work that she needs to not allow this to hold her back from living or falling in love again. Deb knows that one day this will all come back around to the both of them.' Furness previously opened up about her feelings of 'betrayal' in a blistering statement to Daily Mail, which read: 'My heart and compassion goes out to everyone who has traversed the traumatic journey of betrayal. 'It's a profound wound that cuts deep, however I believe in a higher power and that God/the universe, whatever you relate to as your guidance, is always working FOR us.' Jackman has yet to release his own statement on the split, but a source previously told Daily Mail he had been left 'extremely disappointed' by the her words, as he believed they had an 'understanding' they would not publicly trash one another. Foster has also remained silent, and desperately avoided questions about her love life as she flew solo at the annual Drama Desk Awards in New York on Sunday night. But that didn't stop actor Michael Urie, who played Foster's on-stage lover in Broadway production Once Upon a Mattress, from lifting the lid on the new relationship. 'I mean, she's my colleague and my friend, and I love her and I know that she's a really great person and she surrounds herself with really good people, like, all the time,' 44-year-old Urie said in an exclusive interview with the Daily Mail. Directly addressing Foster's romance with Jackman, he added: 'I believe in her and I believe that she's happy.' But their happy union could be tested as rumors abound that Furness is preparing to drop a tell-all book about her relationship with Jackman. Last week the Daily Mail revealed the actress 'has been flooded with very tempting book offers' and offered 'huge amounts' to blow the lid off their marriage and spill intimate details about their time together, including weathering persistent rumors about his sexuality. The Daily Mail has approached Furness, Jackman and Sutton's representatives for comment.
Yahoo
31-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Woman Says Married Man She Thought Was 'One of the Good Ones' Keeps Messaging Her, and Now She Wants to Leave Their Mutual Group
A woman wrote on Mumsnet that she wants to end her hobby with a mutual group of friends due to one of its members According to the woman, the married man, who she swore "was one of the good ones," often tells her he has feelings for her "In the last month or so, he's started messaging me, to the point that it's become almost daily," the woman saidA woman is contemplating ending her hobby with a mutual group of friends due to one of its overbearing members. The woman detailed her dilemma on the U.K.-based forum Mumsnet with the subject line, "I need to do something about this man." Explaining that the individual is "married to someone I know and like," the woman continued, "I've heard bits and pieces from both of them over the years, suggesting that their relationship isn't great, but I always assumed these things crop up in a long marriage, and none of my business anyway." Added the woman, 'I socialize with him quite a bit in a group. His wife is always invited, but often declines to come.' Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Recently, the woman said her view of the man changed "after many years, where I'd have sworn he was one of the good ones." Detailing that she had "never seen or heard anything inappropriate from him," the woman said the man has since "decided to tell me 'how he feels.' " And though she has "tried to shut it down," the woman said that "things will be normal for a while, but as soon as he has a drink, he's there declaring feelings again." "In the last month or so, he's started messaging me, to the point that it's become almost daily. Nothing flirty, always positive," the woman continued, adding, however, that "it's the sudden change, alongside the other conversations, that bother me." Concluding her message by noting that she "can't just cut him off, or at least not without sacrificing my main hobby and friendship group," the woman further explained, "I'm not inclined to do that because a man is being ridiculous." The PEOPLE Puzzler crossword is here! How quickly can you solve it? Play now! In the comments section of the post, other Mumsnet users agreed that the man was testing the boundaries. 'Your gut is correct — his MO has changed and he is nudging boundaries,' one user wrote. 'You sense it, you know it. The nudges are deliberately small so that you would feel foolish calling him out in the moment on a single incident.' is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! Others, meanwhile, stressed that it was up to the woman to draw a hard line. 'You can't enforce boundaries if you persist with this. Just tell him to stop messaging you,' one person commented. Read the original article on People
