N-Dubz star Tulisa Contostavlos opens up on suicide attempts and sex tape leak

Daily Record

12 hours ago

The X-Factor and I'm A Celebrity star has opened up about her struggles with addiction and two attempts to take her own life in her new book.
One of the most harrowing chapters in Tulisa Contostavlos's life unfolded in June 2013.
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It was a Friday evening when she discovered she was being charged with suspected involvement in supplying Class A drugs.
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The N-Dubz sensation had been ensnared by a sting operation orchestrated by undercover journalist Mazher Mahmood - known as the Fake Sheikh - concerning cocaine supply allegations.
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The drugs case ultimately crumbled when the reporter was exposed for lying in his testimony - yet the trauma of the experience left Tulisa shattered, reports the Mirror.
According to Tulisa, it became her "year from hell" and drove her to two suicide attempts.
Her heartfelt new memoir, Judgement: Love, Trials, and Tribulations, begins with Tulisa intoxicated on her bathroom floor after learning at 11pm on a Friday that she faced charges for being concerned in supplying Class A drugs.
She's clutching a fistful of tablets, she's unsure what they are; she attempts to Google them but has no mobile signal.
Regardless, she prays they will end her life. She consumes them in pairs.
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She writes: "I can't do this anymore, I thought, not another six months of this. I just about got through the first six, but I'm not built for this.
"Why is this happening to me? What's the point in being alive just to be miserable? How am I ever going to find happiness after this?
"Even if I'm found innocent, I'll be empty inside by the time I get to the end of it, and my life will be ruined."
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It was her former best mate and PA, Gareth Varey, who discovered her unconscious on the floor, surrounded by empty packets of sleeping pills. Paramedics arrived and insisted they needed to take her to hospital for a check-up, but Tulisa refused.
Instead, the medical team stayed until they deemed it safe to leave, instructing her loved ones to keep a close eye on her.
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But that night in June wasn't the only time Tulisa made heartbreaking attempts to end her life. A second incident occurred shortly after, between her trial - which ultimately fell apart - and Mahmood's trial for tampering with her evidence.
This attempt, she says, was 'more definitive'.
"I felt empty inside as if all the joy had been sucked out of me and would never return. So I took a cocktail of sleeping tablets in a bid to never wake up."
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Fortunately, she had sent a series of odd messages to friends, and best friend Cat immediately sensed something was amiss and managed to get her to unlock the front door, just before she lost consciousness.
"She later said when she found me that she thought I was already dead as I was seemingly blue from head to toe – she could see veins running up my neck and through my face – so she rang for an ambulance.
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"Cat told me a few years later when I finally asked, and how the ambulance crew were desperately trying to keep me alive and how Cat thought I was going to die. I was in hospital for three days and when I finally came around the first thing I said was, 'Why the f**k am I still here? !' That moment I did remember."
In other parts of the book, Tulisa candidly discusses her chaotic upbringing in a home plagued by her mother's schizoaffective disorder and domestic violence.
Throughout the memoir - which chronicles the ordeal of her drugs charges and the trial's collapse - she frequently retreats to the bathroom, poignantly describing it as her sole sanctuary.
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She reveals she spent five nights sleeping on the bathroom floor after her intimate video with former partner Justin Edwards was made public in 2012.
"When I was a child, the bathroom was the only room in my house with a lock. I had always locked myself in there in times of distress, whether it was because my parents were going at it like two bulls in a china shop again, or my mentally ill mother was going off the rails.
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"It had always been my place of safety. And twenty years later, here I was: back lying on the bathroom floor. Deeprooted issues, I suppose. When the sex tape had come out, I had slept on the bathroom floor for five days."
Tulisa also reveals her struggle with mental health issues and her reliance on sleep medication and benzodiazepines, which she finally overcame in 2024 after she 'found her peace and faith'.
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She speaks openly in the book about her intimate life and romantic relationships, including her connections with former footballer Danny Simpson, an ex called Adam, Jack O'Connell, and with an older gentleman named Jacob, who she has had an "almost ten-year journey with that still in a way continues to this day".
Describing him as 'no angel', and their romance as 'rocky', she says their 'drama' has prevented them from settling down together.
Discussing her three and-a-half-year period of celibacy following her break up from Miles, she clarifies that rather than being extreme, she consistently preferred to wait until a relationship was exclusive to become intimate.
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Fast-forward to today, and Tulisa reveals she is pushing herself to date once more in pursuit of a fresh beginning.
However, it's not a process she relishes, confessing she is frightened to settle down.
Indeed, she has since frozen her eggs to allow herself more time to heal from her 'deep scars' and to discover someone she wants to 'heal and grow with'.
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She now relishes a peaceful existence in Cheshire, where she can remain close to her 'soul family', and concentrate on her wellbeing, spiritualism and wellness.
For the past year, she has been residing in her dream home, which she spent six months renovating, in a tranquil rural area in the middle of nowhere.
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Meanwhile, Tulisa discloses how she sabotaged her opportunity to return for another X Factor series because she was so preoccupied pursuing the Fake Sheikh's bogus film offer, and discusses her choice to retreat from public life following her stint on I'm A Celebrity, confessing she felt completely overwhelmed after her time away from the limelight.
She also recalls in disturbing detail the terrifying encounter with an unknown man in a secluded park whilst alone, calling it "every woman's worst nightmare".
"He was grinning at me evilly, showing his teeth. He stayed crouched and still, watching me with his evil eyes glistening through the shadows. I was frozen in shock and fear, when all of a sudden he made a loud sound. 'Hssssssssssss,' he hissed like a snake."
It was only Jacob's arrival behind her that frightened the man away.