Glastonbury headliner that doesn't exist has fans guessing at surprise artist
The Glastonbury surprise headline is set to return this summer after the festival 's full timetable was revealed, with one act causing a wave of questions online. Why? Because nobody has heard of them!
The mysterious Patchwork have been honoured on 2025's line-up: third line down on Saturday night's main Pyramid Stage. Fans, waiting in excitement, took to searching for the 'new' band, only to realise... they do not exist.
The fake band name represents a mystery headliner, as seen in 2023 after The ChurnUps - completely unheard of - appeared on that year's Pyramid bill, only to be revealed on stage as the Foo Fighters.
In a wave of speculation, fans started investigating the real identity of Patchwork. We've pulled together a list of the most talked about contenders for who Patchwork could be.
Lorde
Surprisingly not on the bill after her 'bratty' return, Lorde has launched herself back onto the charts with new song What Was That and iconic feature on Charli XCX's Girl, So Confusing.
Celebrating it's one year anniversary, perhaps Patchwork will reveal the two popstars "working it out on the remix," but this time on the Pyramid stage. Lorde told BBC Radio 2's Jo Whiley this week she's "pretty keen" to return to Glastonbury's fields, while Charli is scheduled for another performance at 22:30 - 23:45. So, it's feasible the two could run to the main stage for the 18:00 - 19:00 Patchwork slot.
Haim
The American sister trio were deemed a strong contender by the BBC as they have both a new album and performance planned in Margate for Glastonbury's Friday. It is likely then for them to travel down to the Southern fields for Saturday's evening stage.
Intriguingly, a few fans on X have have uncovered a German novel called Patchwork, 2011, by the author Sylvia Haim, along with a 2015 film on a young group of three women. X user, Tim Street, wrote: "My literary wife has pointed out that Patchwork is a novel by Sylvia Haim, suggesting the Saturday pyramid slot is none other than @HAIMtheband...."
Whilst there's a solid possibility of the sister-band, Sylvia Haim, unfortunately, is not a long-lost relative.
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Robbie Williams
The BBC article also offered up the ex-Take That star as a potential Patchwork, including his new release of album Britpop as evidence. With his album's artwork featuring an old image of Williams playing at Glastonbury in 1995 - and the star's tour making headlines for taking over the Emirates stadium last week - it is easy to believe the Angels singer will appear... if it weren't for his tour show in Werchter, Belgium on June 28, Glastonbury's Saturday.
Oasis
Others have shared their hopes that Glastonbury's Pyramid stage may continue the Oasis reunion, believing the Gallagher brothers to launch their 'patching-up' early before their concert. This might be the wildest fan theory and, again, very unlikely considering Robbie's tour and the Oasis reunion occurring a week after the festival.
Pulp
The British pop icons who performed a secret set in 2011, have recently released their first album after 24 years. Fans have highlighted the huge gap in the band's schedule, conveniently around the Glastonbury period.
An observational bunch also pinpointed the fact that, during an appearance on BBC Radio 2, band keyboardist, Candida Doyle, mentioned her love for her hobby: patchworking. And although their spokesperson has stated Pulp is not the mystery act, we have to wonder: are they bluffing?
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