I've fallen for my work-wife after amazing sex – but she's still married to controlling man
DEAR DEIDRE I've fallen for my work-wife after amazing sex – but she's still married to controlling man
DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my work-wife is amazing. I've fallen for her even though she's booked a cruise with her much older, controlling husband.
I'm a male executive assistant to a woman of 45. She is beautiful and I fancied her as soon as I met her at my interview.
Our relationship was purely professional, with me organising her diary and travel and sometimes doing personal errands for her.
I'd worked for her for more than two years when she finally let her guard down and admitted her husband is a bully.
He's 61 and minted, according to my colleagues, after selling his dotcom business for a ton of money.
I'm 28 and things changed when I ran into my boss while on a night out with my mates.
She told me that she had lost her friends, who she'd been with in a wine bar.
We were both pretty drunk when I went with her to try to find her mates, but we couldn't locate them anywhere. We walked towards my flat so I could order her a taxi from there but when we got into the hall, she stumbled into me and we ended up kissing.
I took her into my bedroom where we had passionate sex. She said she had thoroughly enjoyed having sex with 'a young body'. I'd never been with somebody who took the lead and she really knew how to turn me on.
I thought things would all change when we were back together at work. I wanted to take things further and develop our relationship but now we are back on purely professional terms.
Her holiday with her husband starts with a flight to Bermuda, then a three-week cruise.
I'm going to miss her so much.
Dear Deidre on relationships, jealousy and envy
DEIDRE SAYS: I've no doubt your feelings are real but this is lust, not love. You're at different life stages too.
You're taking a gamble having a fling with your boss.
The company may frown upon this sort of relationship so, in the cold light of day, she may have realised that she's walking a dangerous line.
Her marriage may be unhappy but it doesn't mean she's ready to walk out on it. She's got too much to lose so she's treating this night of passion as a one-off.
Keep your integrity (and your job!) and move on.
My support pack called Finding The Love Of Your Life may help you.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
SCARED TO TELL NEW DATE I'M A DAD
DEAR DEIDRE: I'M enjoying dating a lovely woman who is just my type, but I'm not sure whether to tell her that I'm a dad to a three-year-old boy.
My son lives with his mother. She and I had a one-night stand and he was the product. Still, I like to think that I am a good dad and I see him every week.
My new date is 26 and she works in IT. I'm 29 and I'm a football coach. We met at a mutual friend's party.
I really like her but the longer things go on and I don't say anything, I feel as if I'm lying about a huge part of my life.
In my experience, if I tell dates about my son, they often avoid seeing me again.
DEIDRE SAYS: The positive thing is you're being the best dad you can be. For anyone who would like a family of their own some day, that is an attractive proposition.
OK, so you don't need to divulge every detail about yourself on the first date but if you really like this girl, ask her to go out with you somewhere, for a walk or for a coffee, and tell her there's something important you need to tell her.
She may be imagining the worst but you can reassure her it's something you feel she should know about you because you really like her.
Tell her you were waiting to see whether you thought the relationship had legs.
Good luck.
FIANCE GOT A LOAN TO BUY SHARE IN A RACEHORSE
DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiance has taken out a pay-day loan to buy a share in a racehorse as part of a syndicate with his loser pub-mates.
We've been together for four years and are both 31. He told me from the start that he was rubbish with money.
We manage OK but he gives me a portion of his money when he gets paid, then I pay the bills, or we'd be in a right mess.
But the landlord from the pub knocked on the door and handed me the paperwork for the horse, and told me the lads had all got these loans.
I've put the papers to one side for now until I can tackle my fiance about it.
I don't know where to start.
DEIDRE SAYS: I'd tackle him sooner rather than later. You've not been snooping but can legitimately ask him to explain himself because you have been handed the paperwork.
If he's not planning to pay off this loan immediately, the interest can be hideously expensive.
Ask him why he's spending money he doesn't have. Is there a pattern to it? Sometimes it can be linked to depression, where the spending gives you that short-term thrill.
If this is the case, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may help. My support pack How Counselling Can Help explains more. My Family Finances pack may help him see you're both responsible for bills.
MY ADDICTION IS OUT OF CONTROL
DEAR DEIDRE: MY life is spiralling out of control with an alcohol and painkiller addiction and yet my wife doesn't seem to notice.
I'm a man of 37. I've got a beautiful family and a great job but I started taking prescription painkillers after getting a knee injury playing football. I needed an operation so while I waited for the surgery date, I was on painkillers 24/7.
After the operation, my doctor didn't renew my prescription.
My knee felt better but my addiction didn't stop – I started buying my own painkillers over the counter and I've been taking eight at a time, up to three times a day.
I love the feeling it gives me. I've also started to drink two bottles of wine a night.
I work from home so it starts before my wife gets in from the office. She is oblivious to how much I drink.
I'm putting on weight and generally feeling rubbish about myself.
We are going on holiday soon. My wife is bound to find out then. How can I stop?
DEIDRE SAYS: You've been brave contacting me for help and you're bound to be feeling sick. The high levels of opiates will be doing terrible harm to your body – and the alcohol is making it even worse.
Find a quiet moment to confide in your wife and explain that you've not been transparent with her.
Tell her you're struggling and you need a doctor's appointment and ask that she goes with you. Let's hope thaft she's supportive and ensures that you keep that appointment.
You'll need to be honest with the doctor and get a check-up at the very least to be certain there's no lasting damage.
You can both find support in how you can best break the cycle by talking with the counsellors at wearewithyou.org.uk.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Extra.ie
8 hours ago
- Extra.ie
Dublin rental causes outrage over 720€ bed... to share with random man
In the latest damning indictment of the current housing/renting system in the country, an advertisement for a horrifying living 'arrangement' has caused outrage. A post was shared to the Rent in Dublin Facebook page, being posted by a user 'on behalf of a friend' who was perhaps too ashamed to advertise such a 'property'. The post offered a €720 a month listing where you would be expected to share a bed. Not a room, but a bed. The apartment, which admittedly is well furnished, appears to drop in the tidbit as if it were no big deal (despite the fact that such a detail is grim at best, illegal at worst) and was shared by Ciaran from Crazy House Prices — who said that this is yet another symptom of the ongoing housing crisis. 'This is a really grim symptom of a completely broken housing system in Ireland, but especially Dublin,' he wrote in the caption, adding in the video that these listings are unfortunately all too common on unregulated Facebook groups, as they'd be considered illegal sublets on other, more legitimate, sites. 'These Facebook groups are an absolute cesspit for things like this,' Ciarán said. 'This is down to decades of really terrible government housing policy. This is a symptom of those policies that are leaving everything up to the private sector and the vulture funds and all that kind of stuff.' As for the poor lad who's sharing the full (soon to be half) bed in the first place, Ciarán said that he wouldn't be the one to blame — saying 'I doubt the fella on the other side of the bed either wants to be paying 720 quid a month to rent half of a bed in Dublin, but this is where we're at. The market is just completely broken, and this is a symptom of it.' The post was shared to the Rent in Dublin Facebook page. People were horrified at what was being proposed, but others were a little less surprised — with one commenting 'Quite common (sadly) in student lets!' 'Shocking! One of the richest countries in the world and the government can't get fair access to affordable and safe housing,' another wrote. Others found a bit of comedy in this utter tragedy — with one commenting 'Does it mention whether you need to be the big or little spoon? Asking for a mate,' while another added, 'he better be buying dinner first.' The post was shared to the Rent in Dublin Facebook page. This is the latest in a number of properties to rent that are proof that it can, in fact, get worse — and it's spreading outside of the capital, after an apartment in Clare being advertised for nearly €2,000 a month had a few convenient pull out beds for 'a few extra people' — with people being able to put two and two together.
The Irish Sun
11 hours ago
- The Irish Sun
‘Autumn is in the air' Aldi shoppers are unable to resist new candles & there's one scent that is ‘incredible'
They come in a range of three different scents SCENT-SATIONAL 'Autumn is in the air' Aldi shoppers are unable to resist new candles & there's one scent that is 'incredible' ALDI shoppers have been racing to stores to get their hands on some new candles that have hit stores, including one scent that is "incredible". The budget retailer is already gearing customers up for a cosy autumn with this new collection. 2 Autumn Candles from Aldi are available in three different scents Credit: Mrs T O'Neill, Facebook 2 The same scents are available as a Hurrican Candle Credit: Mrs T O'Neill, Facebook One enthusiastic shopper posted her find of the candles on social media, and wrote: "I caved. "I had to buy the fallen leaves smelt incredible!" She added: "Aldi smashing the autumn candles wow!" Aldi's autumn season is here From the Hotel Collection of candles at Aldi, the "Fallen Leaves" is on sale for either £19.99 as a Hurricane candle or a £3.99 Autumn Candle for those on a budget. This "incredible" candle is said to have scents of autumn apples, amber and musk. Included in this is also the "Pumkin Spice" scent, with warm cinnamon, caramel and clove. The higher end Hurricane candles from the range come in a 2.1 kg glass jar for a more sophisticated look, and can burn for approximately 140 hours. But those looking for a cheaper option can get either of these scents as simple Autumn Candles for £3.99, which come in a 300g pot. They contain a twin wick candle that burns for approximate 49 hours. At this size, there is also the choice of a "Vanilla Pumpkin" candle, which is scented with cinnamon, maple and nutmeg. All upcoming 'Aldi Finds' in the middle aisle next week – including portable chargers, power toothbrushes & dryer balls Both the Hurricane and Autumn candle version are said to "create a beautiful ambience", and are at Aldi stores whilst stocks last. Brits are gearing up for the cosy season The post on Facebook raving about the new candle range from Aldi received a number of reactions, comments and likes. One user responded: "Oh no... Now I am going to have to go and have a smell. "I'm a sucker for an autumn candle." Another added: "Same i bought the autumn leaves. "Saving them until September." A third wrote: "Aldi autumn collection is lovely and pumpkin is my favourite scent I began melting my own last night." Do the Aldi's candles really smell good? Fabulous Associate Editor, Rebecca Miller, popped into store to pick up a few! The Hurricane Candle might set you back £20 but it's huge and makes a brilliant centrepiece on a table, or perfect for filling large spaces with incredible fragrance. I particularly lovely Fallen Leaves, but Pumpkin Spice was irresistible too. What's more, they look gorgeous too. The Autumn Jar Candle could be mistaken for a Yankee Candle, but not when you look at the price - only £2.99 for a 510g jar! It comes in three fragrances: Pecan Waffle, Acorn Oak and Apple Orchard. Personally, Pecan Waffle was a little too sweet for my likening, whilst Acorn Oak was musky and heavy. The Textured Pumpkin Candles, £4.99, caught my eye down the Middle Aisle for their cute decorative pot. Coming in the same fragrances as the Autumn Jar Candle, the pots can be used after the candle has run out - making it a cute decor piece for autumn. More autumn favourites This latest collection of Autumn candles comes after the bargain retailer also released some cosy Halloween buys for the season. Included in this is a £4.99 Pumpkin Candle and some Wooden Lid Autumn Reed Diffuser priced at £3.99. They became available as part of Aldi's Specialbuys from August 17.
Irish Times
a day ago
- Irish Times
Kildare data centre plan faces fresh objections
Friends of the Earth Ireland , An Taisce and Friends of the Irish Environment (FIE) have called on Kildare County Council to refuse planning permission for a €3 billion data centre due mainly to the increased greenhouse gas emissions it will produce. In August of last year, multimillionaire engineering entrepreneur and co-owner of Monaghan-based forklift manufacturer, Combilift, Robert Moffett through his Herbata Ltd vehicle, lodged plans for the six data centre campus for a site next to the M7 motorway and business park at Naas, Co Kildare In October, the council stalled the plan after stating that the projected CO2 emissions from the data centre campus on lands is 'excessive' for one development. In June, Herbata lodged extensive further information on the scheme in response to the concerns pointing out that the data centre will not be reliant upon the existing electricity generation and will get 50 per cent of its power from renewables. READ MORE Consultants for the applicants, RPS stated that the utilisation of Combined Cycle Gas Turbines (CCGT) would result in a consequent reduction of 552,000 tonnes in greenhouse gas emissions However, in new submissions ahead of a council planning decision this week, Friends of the Earth Ireland, An Taisce and FIE call on the Council to reject the plan while County Kildare Chamber has urged the planning authority to grant permission On behalf of FIE, Tony Lowes highlighted the data centres' projected high greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions and incompatibility with Ireland's climate obligations He states that the development 'could emit nearly one million tonnes of CO₂ equivalent per year. Over five years, this would account for almost a quarter of Ireland's electricity sector carbon budget—posing a major adverse impact on national emissions targets'. On behalf of Friends of the Earth Ireland, campaigns director Jerry Mac Evilly said 'the central message of this submission is that the applicant has not clearly or sufficiently addressed significant emissions impacts of the six gas-powered data centres. We therefore call for the application to be rejected'. On behalf of An Taisce, senior planning and environmental policy officer, Phoebe Duvall has told the council that to grant permission 'would be in contravention of Ireland's legally binding emissions reduction obligations and contrary to the national climate objective'. In a submission on behalf of County Kildare Chamber, its ceo, Sinead Ronan has told the council that 'this proposal presents a forward-looking opportunity to enhance the local economy, support employment and position Kildare as a leader in sustainable digital infrastructure. The project also has a clear alignment to planning policy, climate goals and heritage protection'.
