I've spent £8k on gorgeous escort and don't regret it but I'm dreading day I won't be able to afford her
DEAR DEIDRE: MY regular meetings with a gorgeous escort over the past couple of years have been amazing, but now I'm down to my last savings and I'm dreading the day I won't be able to afford her.
So far, I've spent nearly £8,000 and I can honestly say I don't regret a penny.
I'm a man of 41 and have a partner who is 39. She can no longer have sex after her pelvis and spine were damaged in a car crash and it is too painful for her.
I love her and care for her, and have accepted my life will never change.
But one day, a friend told me about an escort agency he uses.
He goes to corporate events and sometimes needs somebody to go with him. He said that sex is always available as a bonus.
I got in touch with the agency and arranged a meeting with one woman in a pub.
She was lovely and told me she was 30 and single and she was doing the job to pay for her studies. I enjoyed chatting to her, but then we went back to her flat for sex and it was incredible.
I'd not had sex for six years, so it was over quickly, but she didn't rush me out. We've had a weekly arrangement ever since.
It's not all about the sex, it's about me putting on a
nice
outfit, wearing aftershave and talking to somebody who has a genuine interest in me.
It does wonders for my confidence. I can't wait to get off the train when I'm going to meet her, but I feel sad when I leave.
Now I've realised all my savings are nearly gone. I'm going to miss seeing her so much.
Dear Deidre on relationships, jealousy and envy
DEIDRE SAYS:
Your feelings for this woman and the comfort she brings are very real, but you are cheating on your partner.
You dress up and wear an aftershave. Your partner may have noticed and is turning a blind eye, but that's a pitiful situation.
The one person who loves you and who can give you some sexual intimacy is your partner. It doesn't have to be full intercourse.
Talk to her about how best you can deal with her situation and see if you can come up with a good compromise.
Dress up for her and take her out. It may reignite that spark between you.
For support with sex therapy, find a counsellor via The College of Psycho-sexual and Relationship Therapists (
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to
You can also send a private message on the
SHOULD I GO BACK TO OLD FLAME?
DEAR DEIDRE: ALL of my feelings from when I was a teenager came flooding straight back after my first love sent me a friend request on Instagram.
I'm a man of 49 and I lost my wife last year to cancer. She was 55.
I've always loved the girl from my teens. Back then, she was from the posh side of town.
Christmas was coming and she started talking to me about her family celebrations. Compared with mine, it was in another league.
I was 16 and I had a paper round so it would be hard for me to buy her even the smallest gift.
I was such a coward, I ended the relationship and she was upset. I'm tempted to accept the friend request and tell her I'm sorry.
DEIDRE SAYS:
You could do, but what are you really hoping to achieve?
You may relieve yourself of some long-standing guilt, but is that all it is about or are you looking to take your relationship back?
You're both so very different now and it's likely you may have even less in common.
Enjoy going out with friends, and see this woman, but please be aware that as you are so recently bereaved, you will also be very vulnerable.
Try to take things slowly.
If you feel you need some bereavement counselling, contact
SHUNNED BY FELLA OVER SAUCY TEXT FROM MY EX
DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE my ex sent me a saucy text 18 months ago, my boyfriend has refused me any decent sex.
I'm a woman of 28 and my boyfriend is 31. We've been together for three years.
During Christmas 2023, an ex boyfriend sent me a WhatsApp message saying he wished that he was having sex with me.
I thought it was funny. I don't know whether he was drunk or not, but I showed it to my boyfriend.
I did it so that he'd know others still found me attractive and he would feel lucky to have me. But the whole thing backfired.
He accused me of flirting with this ex, but I never responded to the message.
Since then, I've tried to come on to my boyfriend, but he pushes me away. He'll have a quickie with me in the morning, but that's all. The pleasure is all his.
How can I get him back to being loving again?
DEIDRE SAYS:
Do you want to be with somebody who is demonstrating so much jealousy? He may have felt upset that you'd receive a text like that, but this is going way beyond a grudge.
He's having sex when he wants but is constantly disrespecting your feelings.
You'll have to tell him you want this relationship to work, but not like this.
He either allows sex to be enjoyable for you both, or you may have to think if he's worth sticking around for.
MY DRUNK TEEN FOUND BY POLICE
DEAR DEIDRE: MY 14-year-old daughter was brought home in a police car after being found drunk and asleep on a bench in the middle of town.
She's constantly going to parties. A friend told me that the last party she was invited to was so loud that the police were called and kids were found having sex in bedrooms.
There was drinking and drug-taking and two
teenagers
were arrested.
My daughter went to yet another party last Saturday and, when she wasn't home at three in the morning and her phone was dead, I panicked.
I called the police, who luckily found her on their way to me. She was unsteady and intoxicated, but I was so relieved to get her home.
The
next
morning, despite her hangover, I gave her a telling off and she came out with a load of expletives and left the house again.
I'm her divorced mum, aged 36. I split up with her dad because he was violent towards me. I also have a son who is 12.
The kids saw a lot of what went on before I divorced. I'm now worried my son may rebel, too.
DEIDRE SAYS:
This is a stressful time for you. Your daughter sounds unhappy and she's pushing the boundaries and trying to understand where she fits in with her friends.
Find a moment when you're both calm to tell her you're worried about her. Explain a thing or two about how things were when you were 14 and the mistakes you made. If she can see you were once a teenager, too, she may listen.
Your job is to protect her, so draw up some boundaries between you, where she is part of seeing what's fair.
Involve her in the decision making to help her learn to develop and make positive choices.
My support pack, Troubled Teens, is full of extra tips to help.
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I've spent £8k on gorgeous escort and don't regret it but I'm dreading day I won't be able to afford her
DEAR DEIDRE: MY regular meetings with a gorgeous escort over the past couple of years have been amazing, but now I'm down to my last savings and I'm dreading the day I won't be able to afford her. So far, I've spent nearly £8,000 and I can honestly say I don't regret a penny. I'm a man of 41 and have a partner who is 39. She can no longer have sex after her pelvis and spine were damaged in a car crash and it is too painful for her. I love her and care for her, and have accepted my life will never change. But one day, a friend told me about an escort agency he uses. He goes to corporate events and sometimes needs somebody to go with him. He said that sex is always available as a bonus. I got in touch with the agency and arranged a meeting with one woman in a pub. She was lovely and told me she was 30 and single and she was doing the job to pay for her studies. I enjoyed chatting to her, but then we went back to her flat for sex and it was incredible. I'd not had sex for six years, so it was over quickly, but she didn't rush me out. We've had a weekly arrangement ever since. It's not all about the sex, it's about me putting on a nice outfit, wearing aftershave and talking to somebody who has a genuine interest in me. It does wonders for my confidence. I can't wait to get off the train when I'm going to meet her, but I feel sad when I leave. Now I've realised all my savings are nearly gone. I'm going to miss seeing her so much. Dear Deidre on relationships, jealousy and envy DEIDRE SAYS: Your feelings for this woman and the comfort she brings are very real, but you are cheating on your partner. You dress up and wear an aftershave. Your partner may have noticed and is turning a blind eye, but that's a pitiful situation. The one person who loves you and who can give you some sexual intimacy is your partner. It doesn't have to be full intercourse. Talk to her about how best you can deal with her situation and see if you can come up with a good compromise. Dress up for her and take her out. It may reignite that spark between you. For support with sex therapy, find a counsellor via The College of Psycho-sexual and Relationship Therapists ( Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to You can also send a private message on the SHOULD I GO BACK TO OLD FLAME? DEAR DEIDRE: ALL of my feelings from when I was a teenager came flooding straight back after my first love sent me a friend request on Instagram. I'm a man of 49 and I lost my wife last year to cancer. She was 55. I've always loved the girl from my teens. Back then, she was from the posh side of town. Christmas was coming and she started talking to me about her family celebrations. Compared with mine, it was in another league. I was 16 and I had a paper round so it would be hard for me to buy her even the smallest gift. I was such a coward, I ended the relationship and she was upset. I'm tempted to accept the friend request and tell her I'm sorry. DEIDRE SAYS: You could do, but what are you really hoping to achieve? You may relieve yourself of some long-standing guilt, but is that all it is about or are you looking to take your relationship back? You're both so very different now and it's likely you may have even less in common. Enjoy going out with friends, and see this woman, but please be aware that as you are so recently bereaved, you will also be very vulnerable. Try to take things slowly. If you feel you need some bereavement counselling, contact SHUNNED BY FELLA OVER SAUCY TEXT FROM MY EX DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE my ex sent me a saucy text 18 months ago, my boyfriend has refused me any decent sex. I'm a woman of 28 and my boyfriend is 31. We've been together for three years. During Christmas 2023, an ex boyfriend sent me a WhatsApp message saying he wished that he was having sex with me. I thought it was funny. I don't know whether he was drunk or not, but I showed it to my boyfriend. I did it so that he'd know others still found me attractive and he would feel lucky to have me. But the whole thing backfired. He accused me of flirting with this ex, but I never responded to the message. Since then, I've tried to come on to my boyfriend, but he pushes me away. He'll have a quickie with me in the morning, but that's all. The pleasure is all his. How can I get him back to being loving again? DEIDRE SAYS: Do you want to be with somebody who is demonstrating so much jealousy? He may have felt upset that you'd receive a text like that, but this is going way beyond a grudge. He's having sex when he wants but is constantly disrespecting your feelings. You'll have to tell him you want this relationship to work, but not like this. 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I split up with her dad because he was violent towards me. I also have a son who is 12. The kids saw a lot of what went on before I divorced. I'm now worried my son may rebel, too. DEIDRE SAYS: This is a stressful time for you. Your daughter sounds unhappy and she's pushing the boundaries and trying to understand where she fits in with her friends. Find a moment when you're both calm to tell her you're worried about her. Explain a thing or two about how things were when you were 14 and the mistakes you made. If she can see you were once a teenager, too, she may listen. Your job is to protect her, so draw up some boundaries between you, where she is part of seeing what's fair. Involve her in the decision making to help her learn to develop and make positive choices. My support pack, Troubled Teens, is full of extra tips to help.
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