40 People Shared The Signs That You're In The Right Relationship — Or A Disaster — And They Made Some Valid Points
Meanwhile, another Reddit thread pointed out the complete opposite, highlighting deeeeeeeply alarming red flags that are simply dealbreakers.
So, here are some red flags vs. green flags people think are super duper important when it comes to relationships (just to get both sides of the story):
Note: Some submissions include topics of domestic and verbal abuse. Please proceed with caution.
1.Green flag: "Sacrifice, vulnerability, and accountability. I say this because the opposite of this is someone who can do no wrong, never needs help or shares weakness, and doesn't prioritize you or your emotions. You can see this everywhere if you stop to look."
—u/Far_Introduction8393
2.Red flag: "If a partner won't 'take no for an answer' when you politely explain you don't want to go out tonight, you don't want to go on a vacation, or you don't want that particular friend to come over. That can be a sign that they have a 'my way or the highway' attitude. Relationships are about compromise."
—u/dishonourableaccount
3.Green flag: "Healthy arguments. People think arguments are bad, but you need them. It's a healthy argument about something that needs to be figured out in a relationship. Today, my wife and I had a big argument over paying bills for someone, and we both had good points. There was a lot of emotion, but it was building up for a month. You need to let it out and lay out your concerns. You can't just stay quiet — you're a human being, too."
—u/TheExaltedPrime
4.Red flag: "If they're constantly talking about themselves and what they do, and whenever the conversation veers away from them, they steer the conversation back to them. If they need to be the center of attention at all times, even if they don't like the people that they're getting attention from. Those are probably the easiest to spot, and big indicators that there is something wrong."
—u/UncivilizedSociety
5.Green flag: "Being 'average.' People are quite deluded by social media, and everyone wants to date Superman and Wonder Woman. 'Normal' people (who have a solid routine with an average job, study, common habits and traits) are often being downplayed, and I find it absolutely wild. It's like you ain't worthy of love or ain't worthy to love someone who isn't the hottest, most intelligent, comprehensive, rich, and productive person on Earth."
—u/ma1may
6.Red flag: "I always ask them to name one thing they did or didn't do that had a negative impact in their last few relationships. If they can't name one thing, and instead blame everything on the other person, it's a red flag."
—u/WorldlinessUsual4528
7.Green flag: "They speak positively about you when you aren't around. I know you can't always know this, but sometimes you overhear it. I knew a guy who tore down his wife all the time — I think they have a terrible relationship. He has no respect for her. I often describe my wife as 'an absolute saint.'"
—u/Mahaloth
8.Red flag: "Always complaining about others. All their exes are 'wild,' their friends and coworkers are all 'idiots.' But, apparently, they are the only ones who can 'do things right.'"
—u/ikeda1
9.Green flag: "You aren't afraid to tell them things. You know they won't overreact, cause a scene, or judge you. Even if they don't agree or don't fully understand you."
—u/beautitan
10.Red flag: "Lying about insignificant things. Everyone lies occasionally, but lying about things that don't matter, like what they ate for lunch, what they did after work, or the TV shows they watch, is a major red flag."
—u/ANBU_Black_0ps
11.Green flag: "When they listen to learn and apply what they've learned. For example, you say you like receiving a daily 'good morning' and 'good night' text, and then they start doing that."
—u/mandersandmash
12.Red flag: "Crippling self-consciousness to the point where they're constantly self-deflating and dependent on your compliments to bring up their mood. That, and constant mood swings that they pass off as something you just have to deal with."
—u/TheVillageLooney
13.Green flag: "Someone who understands that alone time is important to some people, and it's not cause for panic that the other party has fallen out of love with you."
—u/GnomeoromeNZ
14.Red flag: "They want to be needed more than they want to be happy, or for you to be happy."
—u/Kat36912
15.Green flag: "If they can be trusted with small secrets that don't have much in the way of consequences, if revealed. That's probably a good sign they can be trusted with bigger secrets."
—u/AleksandrNevsky
16.Red flag: "Making up stories to impress people is really a delusional belief, and they probably have a narcissistic personality."
—u/[deleted]
17.Green flag: "Specifically about men: how they treat or talk about their mothers. Speaking from experience, they will eventually end up treating and talking to you the same way. I look for men who have a good relationship with their mom, but not an obsessive one."
—u/Pepper233
18.Red flag: "When they tell you to end friendships that had nothing to do with the relationship, and won't 'let me' talk to my best friend."
—u/[deleted]
19.Green flag: "Obviously, this isn't true for everyone (especially if you come from a bad family), but your attitude towards family. One of the things I admire most about my partner is the fact that he makes time every single week to eat dinner with his parents. He does manual labor around their house, and was just generally raised 'right.' It's extremely attractive."
—u/sugarplumbuttfluck
20.Red flag: "I found out recently that baby talk is a dealbreaker for me. Dude speaks three languages, and he said 'peeez' instead of 'please' two too many times. It just made him unattractive to me."
—u/NuttyBoButty
21.Green flag: "Appreciating your differences. They might be something that challenges you/brings more to your life that you wouldn't otherwise be able to!"
—u/prollycantsleep
22.Red flag: "Constantly grabbing your hand and not letting go. It seems harmless at first, like they just wanna be close to you or whatever, but it shows a serious lack of boundaries if they think they can touch you without your consent. On my first date ever, I had a guy do that to me and refuse to let go, even when I tried to pull my hand away. I thought it was supposed to be 'romantic' or whatever, but looking back, I realize how creepy it was."
—u/Appropriate_Bowl_829
23.Green flag: "When meeting someone new, they instantly gain my respect when they consider possible accommodations someone could need. For example, asking if I'm alright with them vaping/smoking before doing so. Once, I was a part of a potluck with coworkers, and a newer guy asked if anyone had any dietary restrictions/allergies. We became great friends. Also, when they acknowledge someone's holiday even when they don't celebrate it themselves. I'm not Jewish, but thank you, and I hope you have a happy Hanukkah, too!"
—u/SenorAnanas
24.Red flag: "Yelling at animals is a dealbreaker. I can't stand it when someone screams at an animal for things they can't control, like when a dog or a cat just wants your love and attention. We all get frustrated with our animals, but yelling at them constantly will kill my interest in you ASAP."
—u/Lostmixup
25.Green flag: "Waiting until you get inside your house before driving away."
—u/blue_pony_licker
"My boyfriend always walks me to my car when I'm leaving his place, and he makes sure I made it in safe when he's dropping me off.
Come to think of it, he actually walks me to the door when he's dropping me off…but I suspect that's because he's usually trying to weasel his way inside so he can stay the night. He still gets credit, though."
—u/Dramiotic
26.Red flag: "I can't handle intellectually 'lazy' people. If I see a new and novel experience to try, and they're like 'eeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh,' then it's not going to work. I need someone who, if I point out something novel, they're like: 'Yeah, alright, let's go.'"
—u/GeebusNZ
27.Green flag: "Just listening when you are talking about something you're interested in. He could have no clue what you're talking about, but just listening and at least pretending like he cares means so much. I have had so many people just look at their phones and go, 'Mmm' when I'm trying to talk to them about something I love. It's the worst feeling ever."
—u/_Eliotto_
28.Red flag: "Extroversion to the extreme — when they have absolutely no filter, and don't care about the opinions of others. They overshare, and don't understand boundaries."
—u/glitterinmytears
29.Green flag: "When he makes sure you're walking on the inner side of the sidewalk, away from the street. I didn't even process that that was a thing until my boyfriend started doing it! It's such a simple thing, but it always brings a smile :)."
—u/oma1v2
30.Red flag: "Not having a driver's license. I've driven four hours each way on vacation while my ex slept in the passenger seat — we did that a few times. The 'lazy' jerk never wanted to get it in the first place. Yes, I am somewhat to blame for putting up with it for so long, but I'll never do that again."
—u/BUFUByUsFuckYou
31.Green flag: "On the first date with my now-fiancé, we were talking about books and I was telling him about some of my favorites. A few weeks later, he told me that he bought and read one of the books I mentioned, and wanted to discuss it with me. It showed me he took my opinions and recommendations seriously, that he actively wanted to find things we have in common, and also that he wasn't 'ashamed' of reading women's fiction (I hate that term, but it's such a huge trend that men don't tend to read books that are primarily made for women!)."
—u/Every_Difference365
32.Red flag: "Poking fun at my taste in music or my interests, even if it's in 'a joking way.' I've never done that to any one of my partners, but every abusive partner I have had engaged in that behavior before things got bad. Never again."
—u/Ineffable_Dingus
"I hate that — just let people enjoy the music they like! My partner did this, and it got to the point where I stopped listening to music while doing things — just to avoid the little comments or jokes. I loved her, but that sucked."
—u/Comfortable-Mix1870
33.Green flag: "Guys who have a lot of friends who are girls is such a green flag. To me, that gives the impression that they're a guy who girls feel safe around, and that they value women as friends and don't view them all as 'sex objects.' After the first date with my now-husband, I 'Facebook stalked' him and noticed that most of his high school friends were girls. It immediately made me feel like he was a safe guy to continue seeing."
—u/catieebug
34.Red flag: "Refusing to post a single picture of us together. It doesn't have to be slathered all over socials, but that one really good picture of us on the mountaintop? Why not post that?"
—u/horsewangjackson
35.Green flag: "Repeat things back in a way that doesn't appear like mimicry (my old boss taught me that). Example: You meet a new person, and say their name back to them twice in casual conversation (almost right away). Like, 'Where did you say you're from, Dave? Did you go to school there, Dave?' You'll never forget a name that way — I guarantee it. You can modify this for other details, too. It's worked wonders for me."
—u/killsafety
36.Red flag: "I like to feel wanted. So, if I'm planning all the dates, initiating all the texts and calls, and initiating sex every time, then it won't work out. I'm gonna feel like you're not into me, and I'd rather not waste my time or yours."
—u/dirtyEEE
37.Green flag: "If they treat their mom well, that's a green flag. It's totally fine for mothers to do things for their grown children (and in m,ost cases they will be happy to do things for their children). But, if a guy is doing things for his mom to help her out in her later life, that is a green flag for sure."
—u/MinimalSamuel
"I know a guy who is an adult whose mother is a widow, and he lives with her so she won't be alone. Living with your parents isn't always a turnoff, men — so don't feel self-conscious about it."
—u/Shot_Mirror5748
38.Red flag: "Incompatible hobbies (we don't need to have the same hobbies). But, for example, if they're the type of active people who act as if they may die if they breathe indoor air, then we are not compatible."
—u/sachiko468
39.Green flag: "Reacts with compassion and empathy when you're anxious, or takes precautions instead of getting offended or mocking you."
—u/Raaqu
40.And finally, a red flag: "Conspiracy theories and pseudoscience. Someone who doesn't believe we landed on the moon, someone who believes aliens built the pyramids, and vaccine bullshit. I'm not debating you, I'm not humoring you, and I'm not coming home to our bank accounts drained all because you lack critical thinking skills."
—u/graccha
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
How do *you* feel about these red vs. green relationship flags? Share with us in the comments below! 🚩
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