What Is 'the Ick'? The Truth About Instant Disgust in Dating

Vogue

3 days ago

If you spend time on social media, watch shows like Love Island, or are currently in the dating pool, you're probably well aware of the concept of 'the ick.' That sudden feeling of disgust towards a person you're seeing can come out of nowhere—and, inexplicably, it's usually brought on by something totally trivial.
To wit, here are just a few of the many 'icks' I've recently come across on TikTok: Doing the wave at a baseball game. Hopping over a puddle. Sampling ice cream from a tiny spoon. Starting a lawnmower. Getting off a chairlift. Running for a bus. Using a baby voice while petting a dog. Saying 'whoopsie.'
Yes, all of these things are completely normal. And, yes, every single one of us has done or probably will do one of these things at some point in our lives. But that's the thing about the ick: It doesn't really make a lot of sense. As Morgan says on Nobody Wants This, 'You can't fight the ick.'
Instagram content
This content can also be viewed on the site it originates from.
Or… can you? Conceptually, the ick might seem silly—even kind of mean—but experts say there could be more to it than meets the eye. Below, a look at the psychology behind the ick—and what to do if you find yourself in its terrible throes.
What is the ick?
The ick can best be described as a sudden, internal vibe shift; it's the moment when your desire for a potential paramour evaporates and is quickly replaced by total disgust. It's not just a tiny twinge, either—it's a full-body cringe. 'The feeling is real, visceral, and hard to shake,' says Matt Hussey, an integrative therapist based in London.
While the ick can certainly be brought about by something kind of gross—like, not changing one's bed sheets enough, or wiping greasy hands on one's pants—more often than not, the inciting incident is relatively innocuous: wearing a certain kind of shoe, mispronouncing a word, sighing too loudly. 'To be an ick, it needs to be a 'normal' event that other people won't react to,' says Stockholm-based sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos.
For example, having bad breath or body odor isn't really considered an ick—almost everyone is turned off by those. A true ick is much more subjective. 'It's a personal micro turn-off that most people don't bother about,' says Roos.