Couple Calls Off Wedding After Groom's Father Invites 20 Families Without Consent

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3 days ago

"I have never met any of these individuals and my fiancé has told me he doesn't know many of them either," the bride wrote on RedditNEED TO KNOW
A couple canceled their wedding and decided to elope instead after the groom's father sent their save-the-dates out to strangers without their permission and withdrew wedding funding
The bride and groom had "never met" any members of the "at least 15-20 families" invited without consent, and always envisioned a "small, intimate wedding"
"We're both very excited to finally do it how we want without outside pressure from others," the bride wroteA couple called off their wedding after the groom's father sent their save-the-dates to many strangers without their permission.
In a post on Reddit's "Wedding Drama" forum, the bride explained that she was "genuinely stumped" when her fiancé's father went behind her back and sent her wedding save-the-dates out to about 20 families, none of whom the couple have met. Because he refused to "fix the issue," the couple decided to cancel their entire wedding and elope instead.
Originally, the bride and groom wanted a "smaller" wedding, and invited 70 "close friends and family." When the groom's father asked for a copy of their save-the-date, the couple obliged because they assumed "he was sending it to his mother as they keep in touch frequently." They never thought he would invite "at least 15-20 families each with spouses [and] kids."
"I have never met any of these individuals and my fiancé has told me he doesn't know many of them either," the bride wrote. "It has been expressed to him that we did not approve this and he said that there's nothing we can do."
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The groom confronted his parents about the issue, and the conversation didn't go as hoped.
"They're angry. As we thought they would be," the bride said. "They have said they see our POV but won't reach out to fix the issue. They refused to let us know who they invited and won't let us in the group message to make the situation right."
When the groom began wedding planning, his parents "contributed to [the] catering." Although the bride and groom know that "it's customary" for parents to "get a say" in some wedding decisions when they are financially contributing to the celebration, they believe that the wedding invitation fiasco "has been a clear overstep."
In retaliation to the bride and groom's wish for them to disinvite the group of strangers, the groom's mother and father "pulled half the funding they originally gave" them. "[They] basically told us unless we do it their way then they will not pay," the bride said. "We gave them the other half back as well. So they're fully re-funded."
Because a compromise couldn't be reached, the couple felt as though they were left with no other choice than to cancel their wedding.
"We have decided to cut our losses and cancel the original wedding we planned," the bride said. "Looking back we always wanted a small, intimate wedding. It has turned into a bigger event than we wanted. We looked at finances/contracts and found we would lose less in deposits to cancel than we thought. We canceled everything."
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In "the next year," the pair will elope and host "a dinner party for close family and friends afterward." She added, "We're both very excited to finally do it how we want without outside pressure from others."
"Now, it's time to tell FIL (father-in-law) and MIL (mother-in-law) that they get to tell those family members that the wedding is canceled. They're angry now, but I know them. I know they will feel horrible about this situation when everything calms down," she continued.
The majority of Reddit users agreed with the bride's decision and viewpoint that a "boundary had been crossed. "It's your wedding, not his (groom's father)," the top comment reads in part. "Helping financially doesn't mean he gets a say about the guest list."
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