My girlfriend thinks I'm a humble teacher — I'm secretely loaded
Sonny, 31, from Leicester, loves his girlfriend, with a plan to propose to her in the near future.
But before he makes her his wife, he wants to ensure she won't make off with his family's wealth, so is wondering whether a prenup is the way forward.
In this week's Money Problem, personal finance journalist and consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, shares her perspective.
If you've got a money problem you'd like Sarah to look into, fill in this online form or email sarah.davidson@metro.co.uk, providing as much detail about your situation as possible.
No issue is too big or small, and all submissions will be treated with the strictest confidence.
I've been with my girlfriend for six years, and it's getting to the point we're thinking about marriage. Before I propose though, I want to make sure I'm being smart. We're both teachers, and when we got together I made a point of not telling her I come from money.
My father is a pretty successful businessman and has put away a decent amount for my future, but I've always been wary of disclosing this. My dad's ex-wife was (for lack of a better word) a gold-digger and seeing their divorce unfold really affected me. It wasn't until she came to my family home a couple of years in that she realised and, since we've always lived frugally, I think she was a bit miffed.
After she found out I have this safety net, some things have also cropped up that make me wary – she expects me to pay for all our dates for example or makes offhand comments that she'll be a 'lady of leisure' and give up work once we have kids.
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Our relationship is otherwise great and I want to spend my life with this woman, but should I be taking steps to protect myself financially? While I don't know much about prenups, this seems like something I should look into. The fact is, no one knows what the future holds, and I just don't want to be taken for a ride.
There are two things to be answered here and I think you're possibly conflating them. The first is about trust and the second is about the law.
You've said a few things that make me think you're struggling to trust your partner — which if you're planning to spend the rest of your lives together, is probably not a great foundation.
I recommend asking yourself why. Are you transferring your emotional response to your father's divorce onto her? Or is it that you're worried she's more in love with the money than you?
From the sounds of it, she's a woman who likes to be looked after in quite a traditional sense, hence you paying for the dates. She's also expressed a wish to be a full-time mum and let you bring in the bread should you have children down the line.
Do either of these things make her a gold-digger? I'd argue not, and remind you that being a full-time mother is quite a job in itself (despite being unpaid). I think you're tarring your girlfriend with your stepmother's brush. Is that fair?
I'd also encourage you to think about what you perceive marriage to be exactly? You're sharing your lives — doesn't that include your finances? Before you both enter into this legally binding contract, you probably need to be in agreement on this. If not, dare I say it, you're both going to come a cropper at some point. So ask her.
This is important not just because of the emotional work a marriage takes, but also because you need to remember that it is a legal contract; there are specific wordings you'll use to make the contract binding and legal consequences should either of you decide to break it.
In the UK, the marriage contract supersedes a prenuptial agreement, also called an antenuptial agreement or premarital agreement. As such, they're not automatically enforceable by courts in England and Wales.
This doesn't make them pointless — a landmark ruling by the Supreme Court in 2010 stated that courts should consider a prenuptial agreement if 'freely entered into by each party with a full appreciation of its implications unless in the circumstances prevailing it would not be fair to hold the parties to their agreement'. Essentially, if you and she are happy to sign one and both understand it, then divorce later and are both in a similar financial situation, fine.
However – and this is vital to understand – marriage is part of statutory law in England and Wales (Scotland has its own legal system). That means both of you are subject to that law, regardless of what you might each personally decide you want.
This is where the value of a prenup comes into question — if your partner stops working to look after children, she stops earning an income and paying national insurance. Were you to divorce, it's probable that statutory law will override a prenup to provide for the care of any children, to reflect non-financial contributions to the marriage, and to ensure the settlement is fair based on each person's financial needs at the time of the divorce.
All of this said, prenups are becoming more common in the UK. Co-op Legal Services recorded a 70% rise in the number of prenup requests between 2022 and 2023, while A 2023 YouGov survey suggested 42% of British people thought they were a good idea and just 13% were against them. More Trending
Whether it's right for you or not, if you do decide to get a prenup then you and your partner must both take separate independent legal advice before you sign it.
Before you get to that point though, perhaps consider the traditional marriage vows said in England and Wales. After all, you're promising to look after one another 'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.'
Sarah Davidson is an award-winning financial editor and head of research at WPB .
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Got a money worry or dilemma? Email sarah.davidson@metro.co.uk
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