I cheated on lovely boyfriend with handsome guy on holiday after drunken game of spin the bottle… should I be honest?
I'm a 21-year-old woman and went on holiday to Cyprus with my cousin and her family. While we were there I met her best male friend, who was also on holiday.
He is 24 and I fancied him when I'd met him before — and he was just as gorgeous as ever. Thoughts of my boyfriend quickly melted into the background.
After a beach day, we all had a night out drinking cocktails, then headed back to our villa. Soon after the parents had gone to bed, we all started playing drinking games.
As a dare I ended up sharing a kiss with him, but nothing more. The next day he came over for dinner.
When he arrived, he winked and smiled at me, and I just smiled back, although my heart was racing.
We had another fun night but this time we played spin the bottle and the forfeits became more sexual.
When the bottle spun round to me and then him, he led me by the hand to my bedroom where we had the most amazing sex.
Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it
The next morning I felt terrible. We left that day and when we landed back in the UK, I felt terrible. All I could think about was my boyfriend, who is 23.
He trusts me even though he has been hurt in previous relationships.
If I tell my boyfriend what happened I know I risk him ending our relationship.
My cousin's best friend has definitely got feelings for me.
I keep wondering whether it would work if we got into a relationship.
DEIDRE SAYS: You may want to clear your conscience by confessing to everything, but you would hurt him enormously and possibly cause the break-up of your relationship.
Be honest with yourself, would you realistically share more than great sex with your cousin's friend?
He may just have been enjoying a fun holiday fling.
You have to make up your mind. If you have doubts about your boyfriend then do the honest thing and explain that your heart isn't in the relationship any longer.
Then leave a month or so for the dust to settle before even thinking about getting together with the new guy.
My support pack, Torn Between Two Men, will help you to think this through.
SO NERVOUS SINCE SON'S BIRTH
DEAR DEIDRE: MY son's birth eight months ago has turned me into a nervous wreck. I love him dearly and I am so proud of him, but I worry all the time.
I'm 27 and my partner's 25. We've been together for four years. Ever since my partner found out she was pregnant I started to worry.
I became very protective of her and worried when she went out by herself in case something happened to her such as tripping over or someone accidentally bumping into her.
My partner breezed through her pregnancy and had a relatively easy birth but ever since our son came along I can't help but think about the worst case scenario. The worst is if he cries for no reason.
Thankfully my partner is coping much better than me and doesn't worry like I do.
I'm a big bag of nerves most of the time.
DEIDRE SAYS: Becoming a dad for the first time can produce a whole range of emotions but it is important to be kind to yourself.
It is understandable that you are anxious but being a parent doesn't come easily to anyone.
Remember that babies cry because it is the only way they can communicate. Once your son learns to talk, he can tell you why he is unhappy.
Talking to other dads who have been through similar worries may help you. Visit the website dad.info.
My support pack Help For Stress has lots of advice.
I CAN ONLY HAVE SEX ONCE
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER having sex, I can't get another erection for a good few hours. Is there something wrong?
I am 28 and my wife is 25. We only married four months ago and we're in our honeymoon period, but I have to wait a long time to get aroused again.
We have a very active sex life now but for cultural and religious reasons we didn't have sex before marriage.
I love my wife dearly and want to please her sexually every time. Everything is fine the first time round, and even though I still feel turned on, my erection just doesn't show.
It is embarrassing. I can't help wondering if my wife is becoming disappointed when I can't perform for a second time, even though she hasn't mentioned anything so far.
This is not what I thought or imagined our sex life would be like once we were married.
What is wrong with me?
DEIDRE SAYS: Please don't worry about only being able to have sex once with your wife.
There is always a space of time after a man climaxes before he's able to get another erection. It's called the refractory period, and it differs for everyone.
You may even notice that your individual refractory period varies from session to session.
If you are worried about how long it takes you to reach or recover from orgasm, talk to your doctor who will be able to reassure you.
EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WILL DISTRESS WIFE
DEAR DEIDRE: IF it wasn't for the fact that we have a big family holiday coming up soon, I would have told my wife I have met someone else. Instead, I have to wait until the end of the summer.
I am 37 and my wife is 35. We have been married for nine years and have a four-year-old son.
I don't feel the same about my wife any more. She suffers from depression, which hasn't helped our relationship.
She can't help being unwell so there is no blame. She is receiving help through her doctor for her mental health.
I have never cheated on my wife, but I have met another woman through work.
It's an emotional affair as I'd never cheat while married, so all we do is talk. But I enjoy her company and see a future with her, and she says she feels the same way about me.
I am going to give my son the holiday he deserves and then I will tell my wife our marriage is over.
I know it will be distressing for her, but I can't go on living a lie. She deserves better than that.
Is it wrong to want to be happy even though in the process I will upset the two people who mean the most to me? I don't feel I have a choice if I want a shot at happiness.
DEIDRE SAYS: Depression is a mental health disorder that can have lasting effects on any relationship. Before you end your marriage, make sure it will be the right thing for both of you – and stick to your resolve.
Your wife will understandably be devastated so you must tread carefully, ending it as kindly as you can with minimum damage to your son.
Ask her to come for counselling with you because while it may not be possible to save your relationship it can reduce the pain.
Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975).
My support pack Ending A Relationship will help too.
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